Protective Parent
by archmagus
Summary: All Wanda wanted was to find someone she could love, someone who would love her in return. There was only one problem: her father. [John tries to return to Wanda, but Magneto is hot on his tail.] COMPLETE
1. The Beginning

Let me just begin by saying that I promise the story will be humorous, even if this chapter isn't.

But all great comedy needs a good setup, and this is it.

So please stick with the story for another chapter or two, because that is where the humor is!

* * *

The helicopter slowly made its approach over the grounds of the vast estate belonging to Charles Xavier. The monotonous sound of the blades slicing through the air lulled the occupants of the XM-Velocity into a sleeplike state. Not that they could be blamed, they were all exhausted.

It had been a scant few hours ago that they were all fighting for their lives, attempting to save the world from the nefarious plots of Apocalypse. This particular batch of mutants was pitted against one of the most powerful mutants alive, Magneto, who was under Apocalypse's control. Despite outnumbering the horseman of Apocalypse ten to one, they had been beaten. They had almost failed.

Eventually, Apocalypse's control had been broken, and the mutant sent spinning through the cracks of time. Magneto woke to find his two children standing over him, concern etched across their faces.

To the mutants he had fought, there was relief that he was no longer a mindless zombie. To his children, there was elation that he had not met his end. To the Master of Magnetism himself, it was if he had awoken from a long, terrible dream.

The only one awake on the helicopter besides the pilot, Magneto looked down upon the sleeping forms of his children. The two had fallen asleep, curled on his lap, exhausted from their ordeal.

Reflecting on the conversation he had with the twins during the flight, Magneto realized how much he had put them through, the amount of pain and grief they had suffered on his behalf. At that very moment, Magneto silently vowed that he would make up for his past faults. He had been given a second chance with them, and he would not mess it up.

* * *

"Where are you going?" Pietro asked his father. It had only been a few days since the battle in Mexico. The family had remained at the mansion since their return, and Magneto had undergone rigorous testing along with the others possessed by Apocalypse. The results of the tests had come in and Magneto had been given a clean bill of health, and more importantly no trace of Apocalypse's control remained.

"I have some matters to attend to Pietro," replied the elder mutant. The three stood on the grass swept plain of the Xavier Institute.

"What?" Pietro asked again, trying to fathom why his father was abandoning him again.

"I have made some wrongs in my life Pietro. I intend to set them right. And that includes the two of you. When I return, I promise that I will make amends for past errors. I promise," Magneto solemnly told his children.

"When will you be back?" Wanda asked her father. Magneto paused for a moment before answering.

"I hope within a month or two. I have some people to find, and they are not always easily found," Magneto replied as he took to the air, his feet lifting off the ground. "I'll be back before you know it."

"Just take care of yourself Father," Wanda replied, her sadness at his departure flashing in her eyes.

"I will, and take care of yourself, and your brother."

"Hey! I can take care of myself!" Pietro objected. The family shared a quick grin. Magneto began to lift off into the air, but recalled one more thing to tell his children.

"Don't forget. School starts in two weeks!" Magneto called to his children, smirking at the curses that came in reply.

* * *

It had been two months since that day. Two months since life had returned to normal. School had resumed and the Brotherhood attended regularly, and even found that they had supplies to last for a while.

It was a quiet Saturday morning. The air was brisk and clean. The sunlight sparkled majestically on the grass. Singing birds filled the morning with peace. That is until…

"WHAT?" a loud shout came from the decrepit building known as the Bayville Boarding House. Inside the home the Brotherhood had gathered around their employer. And their employer looked down at his son.

"You are all moving in with me," Magneto replied to his son, displeased that he had to repeat himself.

"Moving in?" Lance asked. Magneto turned to look at the boy.

"Yes. Moving in. With me. Get your things."

"Why?" The question came from the most diminutive member of the group, who flinched when Magneto turned his gaze on him.

"If you want to move without your possessions, then by all means go ahead."

"Why are we moving in with you, Father? Don't you move around to much anyway?" Wanda chipped in.

"No. I have, for the moment, put aside that type of living style. I have purchased a home in Bayville, not quite the size of Xavier's but large enough for the lot of you."

"But why?"

"I promised to make amends with you. This is merely a step. Also I can keep an eye on you and make sure you aren't forced into horrific living conditions."

"So it'll be us and you?"

"Pyro too."

"What? Are you crazy?" Pietro practically shrieked. Magneto frowned.

"Pyro is the only Acolyte left. Remy and Piotr bolted to the X-Men. And I am not abandoning him. Besides, you'll adjust."

"If by adjust you mean have third-degree burns," Pietro retorted.

"Enough, Pietro. Go pack. I will return in an hour for you all," Magneto declared as he whirled around and marched out of the Brotherhood House. The teenaged mutants stood in silence for a few moments, letting what they had just been told sink in. Wanda silently began to walk off when the silence was broken by a snickering Fred.

"So what do you think he'll do when he finds out about your '_friend'_ Wanda?" Fred asked gleefully. The rest of the Brotherhood joined the large boy in a shared smirk. Wanda whirled around, daggers flying from her eyes.

"Shut up!" she hissed, her words betraying a threat of bodily harm. The boys quickly ended their chortling.

"No one is to tell Father about that. If anyone does, I'll make sure their life is a living hell. Clear?" Wanda snapped. It was at times like these where the resemblance to her father was apparent. The others watched as she spun on her heel and marched out of the room. A few moments passed and the chuckling began again.

"You know something guys, life is about to get real interesting," Pietro mirthfully said.

* * *

Who is Wanda's friend?

What is going to happen?

And how will Pyro figure in to all of it?

Suggestions welcome!


	2. Breaking the News

Scrawler – Got it in one. Wanda is going to bring a series of gentlemen callers to the house. As for that Magneto/Kurt conversation, I'll look into it.

Kyuushi – I promise that I won't forget about Pietro. But this story is really about the relationship between Magneto and Wanda. So dear old Pietro won't be as prominent as you probably want.

Amieva – I assure you, I'm trying to write Legendary Heroes as fast as I can. Hopefully I'll get it up soon. Cross your fingers.

I Heart the Distillers – Wanda is going to be a bit out of her normal character. But then again she did seem a lot nicer after the brain washing, so maybe not so much. Besides that's what love can do to a person.

Jitter – I don't think Magneto would mind abandoning his Acolytes if he had them all. But if he only has one left then he might be a bit more protective. Just a hunch.

Thanks go out to my lovely beta, Spiffythefaery.

* * *

_{Thursday}_

The Brotherhood moved in with Magneto that day. The house was considerably larger than the old house, with sufficient space for everyone. The teenagers quickly settled into their new home, and at dinner Magneto laid down the rules.

They were surprising simple. As Magneto had put it, "Don't piss me off and we'll get along just fine. And keep all open flames away from Pyro."

As the teenagers retired to their new rooms for the night, they had no clue as to just how dissimilar their new lifestyles would be from their previous. Their first clue for this was the alarm clock provided by their benefactor.

Most would think a simple buzzing clock would suffice to get the job done. Apparently Magneto was not of this school of thought. His method of waking everyone up was rather unique. Rather, Pyro's method.

The pyromaniac had marched up and down the halls of the house with a pot and pan. Yodeling at the top of his lungs, Pyro smashed the cookware together, creating a horrible noise that immediately jolted the Brotherhood from their sleep. The impromptu musical session had lasted for about ten minutes, at which point the benevolent Master of Magnetism had forcibly removed the utensils from Pyro's grasp.

The Brotherhood trudged to school, while Pyro and Magneto ventured over to the Xavier Institute for the day. Magneto spent the day deep in conversation with his old friend. Pyro spent it trying to set Logan's hair on fire.

Everyone returned to the large house that night, tired from the day's activities, yet satisfied to have a comfortable home to return to (provided Magneto kept a close eye on Pyro while the red head was cooking).

Dinner was relatively quiet. Surprising, considering that the table was made up of six teenaged mutants and one megalomaniac. It was sometime after dinner that the fireworks started.

"Father, I'm going out tonight," Wanda said as she stood up from the table. Magneto looked up at his daughter for a brief moment.

"Fine. Have fun."

"I will," Wanda replied as she rushed to her room to get ready for that night's activities. Before any of the Brotherhood could make a comment, Magneto rose from his seat and vanished into his study.

* * *

Having decided to temporarily turn over a new leaf, Magneto decided that it was time to share his story with the world. However he was having a difficult time trying to figure out what to call it. He was thinking of a grand title, one that caught the eye, yet reflected some of his story. He had already considered the titles "_Buns of Steel_", "_Iron Mind_", and "_Metallic God: Erik Lehnsherr's Quest for World Domination_." But these titles had seemed too contrived. So Magneto was currently entertaining some other titles for his novel: "_Lord of the Metal_", "_Wuthering Iron_", _Erik Lehnsherr's Diary_", and the current working title "_Harry Potter and the Master of Magnetism_." After all, he did want the book to sell. In the midst of writing about his discovery of his powers, Magneto barely noticed the knock at his door. Without even looking up from his spiral bound notebook, Magneto reached out with his powers and opened the door.

"Um, sorry to disturb you, Mr. Magneto, sir," Todd stammered as he peeked into the room.

"Quite alright. How may I help you Todd?" Magneto replied, never lifting his eyes.

"Oh. I'm fine. I just thought you'd like to know that Wanda left for her date with her boyfriend," Todd said, waiting for the powerful mutant's reaction. The amphibious mutant was disappointed.

"Ok. Thank you for letting me know," Magneto replied, his hand furiously flying across the paper. Todd slumped even more as he nodded weakly and walked down the hall.

Grinning to himself, Magneto finished his thought in the notebook. His attention had been so focused on his writing that it hadn't even registered what Todd had said. It took a few moments before the information hit him.

"Date? Boyfriend!"

* * *

It was well past midnight when Wanda finally returned. While all the occupants of the house should have been asleep at the time, thus allowing Wanda to secretly return without dealing with pesky questions, tonight everyone was wide awake. And waiting for her.

Wanda stepped into the house, her gaze sweeping over the Brotherhood who were stifling snickers behind their hands. Pyro sat besides Fred; his eyes wide open in delight and a mirthful grin on his face. Finally, Wanda looked over at her father. Magneto was sitting down, hands folded, scowling. One glance told Wanda all she needed to know. He was not happy and she was in big trouble.

"Hi Daddy," Wanda tried, hoping to soften up her parent.

"Don't you 'hi daddy' me," Magneto replied, his scowl deepening.

"Would you care to tell me where you were tonight?"

"Out."

"Thank you for that piece of information. I figured that one out by myself. The question was where you were."

"I went to the movies."

"By yourself?" Magneto questioned, pressing. The Brotherhood began to snicker even louder.

"I was with some friends."

"Do these friends have names?"

"Yeah, like Petting and Necking," Lance cracked. Wanda shot a nasty glare in his direction, but was unable to do more than that. Her father was expecting an answer.

"Well, you know Rogue."

"Indeed I do. However, forgive me for assuming that Rogue was not with you." Despite herself Wanda let the shock override her face.

"How'd you know that?"

"Next time, sis, don't circle the movie you're going to see in the paper," Pietro chortled, but he was quickly silenced by a glare from his father.

"Wanda, who were you with?" Magneto demanded of his daughter. Wanda attempted to match her father's glare with one of her own, but she was unable to match the intensity. Resorting to the teenage defense, she snapped.

"Why does it matter?"

"Wanda," Magneto growled in reply. He was not in the mood to get into this.

"Don't Wanda me! You didn't care what I've been doing for the past two months, why should you give a damn now? What right do you have to intervene in my life?"

Magneto jumped out of his seat and rose to his full height. "I am your father, and I demand an answer. Who were you with?"

"My boyfriend!" Wanda screamed.

"Boyfriend? How can have you have a boyfriend? You're far too young!" Magneto declared emphatically.

"Too young? I'm seventeen years old!"

"That's far too young. You shouldn't be dating until you're at least thirty!"

At this comment Pyro elbowed Pietro and whispered into his ear, "Your dad's a bit nutty, mate."

Pietro merely nodded in reply, unable to break his concentration on the shouting match that could, at least in Pietro's mind, be heard in the other side of Bayville.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Wanda shouted at her father. Magneto was quite serious, however.

"I am serious. Official rules of the house. No dating until you are thirty!"

"I don't recall signing those rules," Wanda scoffed. Magneto glared as he snatched a piece of paper from his pocket.

"You should have read those documents I made you sign," Magneto declared triumphantly as he waved the offending paper in his daughter's face.

"What are you talking about?" Wanda cried as she snatched the paper and unfolded it. Her blue eyes quickly scanned the words. "There's nothing in here about dating."

"Read the first paragraph," Magneto returned smugly.

"'The word of God shall be obeyed to the letter,'" Wanda read. "There's nothing in here about dating!"

"Check your God clause at the bottom."

"'For the purposes of this document Erik Magnus Lehnsherr, also known as Magneto, shall be known as God.'"

"Good one Boss," Pyro chipped in. Magneto shot a victorious grin at his lackey. Wanda, and the rest of the Brotherhood, stared at her father in disbelief.

"That's not fair!" Wanda shouted as she stormed off. The rest of the house watched her for a moment, no one daring to make a sound.

"Um. You know Magneto sir, that may not have been the best idea," Lance squeaked, earning a death glare from the Master of Magnetism.

"What do you mean?"

Lance withered under Magneto's piercing stare. "Well, forbidding Wanda from dating is just going to make her hate you."

"You have an alternative?"

"If the guy breaks up with Wanda then you get want you want, don't you? Wanda isn't dating and she doesn't resent you for breaking it up." Magneto stared at Lance for a moment, before lightning struck.

"Of course. It's brilliant. Why didn't I think of that before? Alvers, you're getting a raise!"

"But you aren't paying me anything."

"Never mind that! A plan is beginning to form. An ingenious, diabolical scheme! Yes!"

"This is not good," Fred muttered to Todd.

"Speak for yourself. If the Boss-man drives away Wanda's boy-toy then a spot opens up for me," Todd replied.

"Keep dreaming Todd. He ain't gonna stand for that." While Fred and Todd had their side conversation, Magneto turned to face Pyro.

"Pyro. Those two boys you were hanging out with today. The ones that helped you cause all that havoc, what where their names?"

"Those two blokes? Kurt and Bobby, I think. Can't be too sure though, boss. I was a bit preoccupied with the Wildman's hair."

"Of course. Charles has told me about those two. Pyro, I want you to invite those two over for dinner tomorrow night."

"All right. But why?"

"Because I have need of their services. Be sure to bring them home right after school," Magneto said, as he turned on his heel. "Pietro, let's go talk with your sister."

* * *

"Wanda. Let me in," Pietro called to his sister as he pounded on her door. The youth had been trying to get into the room for the past fifteen minutes to no avail. Magneto's patience had worn out. Flicking his wrist, he unlocked the door and threw it open.

Wanda lay on her bed, tears streaming down her face. She looked up and snarled at her family.

"I hate you both. Now get out." Pietro sighed as Magneto made a move to sit down next to his daughter.

"Wanda. I want to apologize for what I said before. I didn't mean it." Wanda continued to sob into her sheets.

"If you want to continue to go out with this boy, whoever he is, then that's fine with me. I just, I wanted to make sure that you wouldn't get hurt."

"I'd never let him hurt me and he never would. He's the kindest, gentlest person in the world."

"I hope so Wanda. If you want to continue seeing him then that's fine. But I want to meet this young man and any others for that matter."

"What?" Wanda asked as she wiped away her tears.

"Invite this boy over for dinner. And from now on, we will follow family tradition. The first date will always be a dinner here."

"But Pietro never has dinner here with his dates," Wanda spat out. Magneto cracked a slight grin and grasped his daughter's chin.

"Wanda, Pietro doesn't date. Pietro sleeps around." Father and daughter shared a slight chuckle.

"Hey! I object!"

"Save it Pietro." Magneto replied. He then looked back at Wanda. "Tell this boy that he will be coming here for dinner at eight o'clock."

"Alright."

Magneto grinned. "Now get some sleep," he said as he kissed his daughter's temple. Standing up, he left the room, his son by his side.

"I don't understand. First you want mischief makers here, and then you want the boyfriend over for dinner? What's up?" Magneto smirked.

"No boy is good enough for her, Pietro. We are going to let this one, and any others that come, realize it. Mark my words, by Sunday, this relationship will be over."

* * *

Such an evil parent.

What chaos will happen?

Will Magneto's prediction be right?

Who is the poor boy in for a weekend of hell?

What should happen? Send in your suggestions and ideas!


	3. It Begins

Purity Black – Sanity is overrated. Once you throw it away, you get to see just how fun life can be.

Ishandahalf – No, I am not your mommy. Because if I was then that would lead to an identity crisis. And why is Mags wearing spandex so disturbing? Doesn't he already do that?

And now for the moment that everyone has been waiting for! Wanda's boyfriend revealed!

Thanks to incredibly adorable Spiffythefaery for the best damn beta job EVAH!

* * *

_{**Friday**}_

_(__Noon__)_

After sending the children off to school, and Pyro to Xavier's for the day, Magneto began to set up his plans for that evening. Having worked everything out the night before, he knew exactly what needed to be done if he was going to be able to secure the end of the relationship between Wanda and her mysterious boyfriend.

That is how he had found himself sitting across from the feral Sabertooth.

"Why am I here Magneto?" the extremely large, extremely temperamental mutant asked of his former employer.

"Once again I require your unique skills Victor," Magneto returned. Sabertooth grinned as he brought a large claw up to scratch his face.

"Oh yeah? Another job?" Magneto nodded. "Well, work's been kinda slow lately so why not?"

"Excellent. You start this evening."

"Who is the target?" Magneto raised his eyebrows ever so slightly.

"There will be no killing or maiming tonight." Sabertooth looked like someone just told him that Prohibition had been reinstituted.

"No killing? No maiming? Not even a little bit?"

"No."

"Pretty please with sugar on top?"

"No Victor." Seeing that Magneto would not budge, Sabertooth crossed his arms and began to pout.

"You never let me have any fun."

"Oh shut up. After you finish tonight you can go attack Logan for all I care."

Somewhat mollified by the promise of violence, Sabertooth abandoned his pouting. "So what do you need me to do?"

"Tonight I am having a special guest over. I want you to …"

"Scare him into submission?"

"No. I want …"

"Me to torture him until he gives you the information?"

"No. I …"

"Am going to let me put poison in his food?"

Magneto narrowed his eyes in frustration. Without a word, one of the frying pans that had been confiscated from Pyro in the morning shot across the room and slammed into Sabertooth's face, knocking him head over heels backwards out of his chair.

"If you are finished interrupting me I can let you know what you'll be doing tonight," Magneto said coolly as Sabertooth climbed back into the chair.

"Thank you. Tonight I want you to be my butler."

"Excuse me? Did I hear you right?"

"That depends. Did you hear me say that I wanted you to be my butler?"

"That's what I heard."

"Then you heard correctly."

Sabertooth growled. "But I'm not a butler."

"Tonight, you will be."

"I won't."

"Then you won't get paid."

"I don't care. I'm keeping my dignity." Magneto sighed as he reached down and placed a very large bag of Meow Mix onto his desk.

"Fine. Then I have no use for this. Are you certain you wish for me to dispose of it?" Magneto asked as he moved over to the window, clutching the bag. Sabertooth's eyes locked onto his favorite food, and preferred method of payment.

"You wouldn't dare," the feral mutant hissed.

"Try me." Magneto replied, his grip on the bag loosening. Sabertooth blinked first.

"Alright! Don't do it. I'll do what you want, just let the food go!" the large man cried as he broke down in tears. Grinning in triumph, Magneto set the bag on his desk.

"Be sure to be here, in dress benefiting your position, at four o'clock." Sabertooth nodded but made no move to stand.

"Magneto? I've got a question."

"What?"

"What does a butler do?" Sabertooth asked his eyes wide with innocence. Magneto paused. He had never considered what a butler did before. As a matter of fact, he had never met a butler in his life. But he wasn't going to let Sabertooth know that.

"Why he buttles, of course."

"Oh yeah. He buttles. I can buttle. Easiest thing in the world, buttling."

"Yes, yes. Easy enough to accomplish. I'll see you at four o'clock sharp."

"I'll be here boss," Sabertooth said as he rose to his feet. Lurching forward he grabbed the bag of food with one enormous hand and walked out the door. Magneto allowed himself a slight grin. Everything was going according to plan.

* * *

_(__3:00__)_

"So let me get this straight," Bobby Drake said as he looked across the oak desk at Magneto. Sitting beside the Iceman was Kurt Wagner, both wearing serious expressions. Whether it was because they were taking his proposal earnestly or because they were in the same room with him, Magneto could not be certain. But neither boy had balked at meeting with him, and he had to give the two troublemakers credit for that.

"You're going to pay us to make life as miserable as possible for Wanda's boyfriend?"

Magneto cocked his head slightly. "No."

"Then what?" Kurt asked.

"You're going to do it for free."

"What?" Both boys exclaimed.

"Did you honestly believe that you would be able to get any money from me?"

"Look, no money, no mischief. Capisce?" Bobby said as he leaned forward. Kurt nodded in agreement. Magneto frowned slightly.

"Very well. I didn't want matters to come to this, but you leave me little choice. I'm certain that Logan and Professor Xavier would be ecstatic to know who held a Fourth of July fireworks celebration in Cerebro."

Both boys paled considerably.

"I thought so. Now, you know who the target is?" The troublemakers nodded weakly. Magneto grinned. "I trust you will not need any orders on how to make his life miserable. But I will be sending John over this weekend to aid you in your 'quest.' Are we clear gentlemen?"

"Is there any way we can get out of this?" Bobby asked meekly. A withering glare from Magneto sent the Iceman scurrying from his seat and out the door, leaving Kurt alone with the Master of Magnetism. The two sat in awkward silence for a moment.

"So - how are the side-effects from those genetic experiments I conducted holding up?" Magneto asked.

Kurt shrugged. "Eh. Can't complain." [1]

"Oh. Well, I'm glad to hear that."

"Yeah. Um. One question."

"What?"

"We're just doing it this one time right?" Magneto shook his head.

"No. You will be doing this every, and any time, someone is dumb enough to ask my daughter out." Kurt's ears drooped slightly.

"Is there anyone you wouldn't torture?" Magneto didn't even have to think about his response, it was instinct.

"No."

"Oh. More fun for us I guess." Magneto shot a grin as Kurt stood up and began to exit the study. He stopped in the doorway.

"I have to admit, this makes you think about what Mystique would do to any of Rogue's suitors."

"Not really. She'd decapitate them."

Kurt blinked at Magneto's bluntness. "Oh. Well, that's something. I guess I should warn Remy about that."

"I think it'd be best for everyone, including Rogue, if you didn't."

Kurt paused for a moment and shrugged. "Yeah, you're probably right."

"Get going, I'll be in touch." Kurt nodded and marched out of the room. A large crash came from the lower floor of the house, signaling that the other residents had returned. Magneto waited for a few moments in silence, expecting for the Brotherhood to enter his office. He was not disappointed.

The five boys marched into his room. Todd leapt into one of the chairs. Pietro sped into another. Lance leaned against one of the bookshelves on the far wall. Fred stood behind Todd and Pyro sat down on the carpet, pulling out his lighter in the process.

Magneto sighed and Pyro's lighter slammed shut, not from the fire crazed mutants accord.

" 'Ey! What gives?"

"How many times must I tell you no fire in the house?"

"At least one more," Pyro responded as he flipped the lighter open again. Before he could even light the flame the small object was torn from his grasp, and floated into Magneto's open hand.

"No! Charlene!" Pyro cried out for his lost lighter. And lost it was. History had shown that when Magneto confiscated a lighter, it would not be returned.

"Where is Wanda?" Magneto said, with a look in Pietro's direction, doing his best to ignore Pyro's sobbing.

"She had to stay after school for tutoring. She'll be home after that," Pietro replied with a minute shrug.

"How much time does that give us?"

"Tutoring lasts an hour," Todd piped in. Perhaps more than any other member of the Brotherhood, he was the most anxious to get on with this plan.

"Good. That gives us enough time to prepare."

"Prepare for what exactly?" Lance half asked, half said. "I mean, you haven't told us the plan yet."

"I am well aware of that fact. Allow me to enlighten the lot of you."

* * *

_(__5:00__)_

Wanda pushed open the door to the house, exhausted after a long day at school. Unfortunately she knew that the night would bring even more stress. Despite what her father said, Wanda knew that he wasn't rolling over about her relationship. She knew he was going to do everything in his power to make her miserable tonight. She just didn't know what.

The first of many surprises for the night greeted her at the door. Wanda shouted and leapt into the air when Sabertooth appeared, dressed in an ugly brown coat with an orange tie complete with yellow-polka dots.

"What are you doing here?" Wanda hissed at the large mutant as soon as she recovered her ability to talk.

"Working."

"Since when do you work here?"

"Since I became your butler," Sabertooth retorted with a slight snarl.

"You? A butler?" Wanda cracked a grin in amusement.

"I happen to be a very good butler. I am the best there is at buttling," Sabertooth snorted in reply. Wanda nodded as she tried to reign in her laughter.

"Where is everyone?" Wanda said as soon as she could look at the killer mutant without cracking up, Sabertooth shrugged.

"No idea. Boss didn't say where he was going and dragged the rug-rats with him out the door. Said he'd be back for dinner though."

Wanda nodded, somewhat satisfied with what she was being told. Still, she knew her father was up to something. "Alright. So Butler, what's for dinner?"

"How the hell should I know?"

"Cause the butler is supposed to oversee the cooking. And since we don't have a chef, you're supposed to do it," Wanda replied snidely as she walked off towards her room. Sabertooth stared at her for a moment, horror worming onto his face.

"I didn't sign up to cook!"

* * *

_(__8:00__)_

Wanda glanced nervously at the clock. Dinner time was fast approaching, and neither her boyfriend nor her family were in the house. In fact, outside of Wanda and Sabertooth, who was raising hell in the kitchen, there was no one in the large home.

Pacing back and forth in the living room in a fairly elegant gown, Wanda franticly tried to figure out where everyone was. As she moved back and forth, her eyes were glued onto the clock. She was concentrating on the time so intently that she nearly leapt out of her shoes when the doorbell unexpectedly rung.

Wanda rushed over to the door, only to find that Sabertooth had beat her there. Ignoring the burns in his hair, the large man clasped the door and nearly ripped it off of its hinges. Wanda couldn't see who stood beyond the boundary of the house, but she could guess from the conversation that followed.

"What?"

"Is the lady of the house home?" Sabertooth's brow wrinkled in confusion.

"We ain't got no ladies here chump. I suggest you look elsewhere," Sabertooth replied as he began to shut the door. If Wanda wasn't so nervous she would have hexed the furry mutant to the moon for slandering her honor.

"Is Wanda here?" the mysterious visitor asked before the door could be shut in his face.

"Wanda? What's to you, runt?"

"Please go get her." Sabertooth rolled his eyes and slammed the door shut. Turning around he saw Wanda standing a few feet behind him, a nasty glare on her face. While anyone with a sane mind would be frightened of a pissed of Wanda, Sabertooth was never one to be called sane.

"Door's for you," he said as he stalked off towards the kitchen, from which smoke was billowing. Wanda glared at Sabertooth's back for a moment, fighting the temptation to hex him. Sighing to release the tension, Wanda moved over to the door and quickly opened it.

Standing on the other side of the door, wearing a large grin and holding out an enormous bouquet of flowers, was Wanda's boyfriend – Sam Guthrie.

* * *

Because I believe in giving credit where credit is due:

[1] – Borrowed from a review left by Scrawler. It was too funny not to include.

And the titles for Magneto's autobiography were invented by Spiffythefaery because she's cool.

There you go!

Bet no one was expecting that one.

Where is everyone?

What is Magneto up to?

Will Sam survive?

Send in those ideas!


	4. SOS: The Suffering of Sam

Lyrafan – No mullet rule, eh? It shall be done!

UniversalAnimeGirl– No ma'am I haven't read those stories. At least I don't think so. Who wrote them? Made up the pairing all by myself. Although I'm a bit depressed since it, apparently, is no longer original.

Lady Farevay – Long straggly hair in the food? Let's see what I can do with that idea.

Xmengirlzrule – Laxatives? Now that's funny.

Ishandahalf – First off, what is it with you and Batman? Granted he's the coolest non-Marvel superhero, but I think you have an obsession with the guy. Speaking of obsessions, I stand by the comments made last chapter about decapitation. And now I have a question for you – are you reading my mind?

Thanks to Spiffythefaery for the awesome beta work provided, and for contributing her own brand of humor.

* * *

{**_Friday_**}

_(__8:00__)_

"These are for you," Sam said, nervously thrusting a large bouquet of flowers forward as Wanda opened the front door. She beamed and leaned in to place a light kiss of his cheek, then, grabbing his arm she pulled him into the house.

Sam's eyes darted over the walls, as if he were expecting hidden dangers to spring forth and decapitate him on the spot. While he had met the Brotherhood (who got along with Sam solely because of Wanda's request, or threatening) he had never met Wanda's infamous father. No doubt his perspective of the man was warped by the embellished stories at the Xavier Institute. From what Sam had heard Magneto was a man likely to pat you on the back using the sharp edge of a long knife.

But Sam didn't believe everything he had heard. He was pretty sure Remy was joking about Magneto sucking the blood from his human sacrifices. At least, he hoped so.

Wanda noticed Sam's face and chuckled. "It's ok. There aren't any booby-traps."

Sam nodded. Of course there weren't any booby-traps. Even Magneto wouldn't place treacherous obstacles his own home. But that was a suspicious looking vase…

"Sam!" Wanda snapped at her boyfriend, who had snatched up the black vase. Sam looked at Wanda blankly, and then jumped as he realized he was gripping the vase. With an apologetic grin he set it back down. Wanda walked up to Sam and grasped his hand with hers.

"I promise there aren't any traps."

"Ah'm sorry Wanda. It's just hard to lower my guard. Ah've haven't heard a lot of glowing things about the residents of this house."

"I know that Sam. But Father really wants to meet you and he will make sure that everyone is on their best behavior. Well, everyone besides Pyro, but he won't be here tonight," Wanda replied with a grin.

"Besides no one else is home right now, except for Sabertooth. And he's in the kitchen," Wanda said as her hands rose to Sam's head, her fingers playing with his long blonde hair. Sam got the hint. His hands rose to the mid of Wanda's back and he lowered his head, lips parted slightly. Wanda arched backward, spreading her lips in return. Both teens closed their eyes in anticipation of bliss.

"If you're going to do that here, you should at least charge for the show," a high pitched voice cracked, interrupting the mood. Eyes snapped open and heads whirled about to see that the two were no longer alone. Standing in the hallway adjacent to the living room was the Brotherhood.

The four boys were wearing bemused grins - except for Todd who was scowling, and very nice tuxedoes. While the others wore a typical black outfit, Pietro's was blindly white. Sam suddenly felt underdressed in his shabby suit.

"Where have you been?" Wanda questioned, immediately taking the offensive. Pietro walked over to his sister, throwing his arm around her possessively.

"Dearest sister of mine. Our brethren and I decided to take in a lovely theatrical piece," Pietro intoned.

"Alright idiot. What's up?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about. But why do you resort to name calling?" Wanda plucked her brother's arm off her shoulders, her eyes smoldering.

"I know you. And you never act like this. What is going on?"

"Nothing! We just went out to see a play."

"Yeah? Which one?"

"Some piece of crap. You can't expect me to remember that. Hell, I don't even know when your birthday is!"

"We're twins! It's the same day as yours!" Wanda screeched. Pietro paused with this bit of information.

"You don't say."

Wanda sighed and pinched her nose in frustration.

"Where is Father?"

"Parking the car."

"We don't _have_ a car."

"That would explain what's taking him so long then," Pietro replied. Before Wanda could make a response, Sabertooth turned the corner.

"You!" he barked at Lance, his index finger beckoning to the youth. Sighing, Lance turned on his heel and followed Sabertooth into the kitchen.

* * *

Lance walked into the kitchen to see several empty glasses on the tile counter, and Sabertooth standing over them holding a white bottle. Turning the bottle upside down, a white viscous liquid slid sluggishly into the vacant glass.

"Fill them up with drinks," Sabertooth barked as he turned to a large pot, from which black smoke was emanating.

"With what?"

"Does it look like I care? There's stuff in the fridge, but if you take any of that Jack Daniels I'll kill you."

"Right."

Sabertooth whirled, and pointed a long, dangerous finger in Lance's general direction.

"Listen to me boy. There are some things that you just don't do no matter what. You never mess with someone's Jack Daniels." Lance didn't know how to respond. So he fell back on the advice Kitty had once given him on how to deal with Logan.

"Whatever you say."

"Damn straight," Sabertooth growled as he turned back to cooking. "Oh, one last thing. Make sure that weird Southern kid gets the glass with the white stuff."

"Why?"

"Don't question orders boy! Just do it!"

* * *

Lance emerged from the kitchen and distributed the refreshments like he was supposed to. Sam didn't even notice that an extra ingredient had been slipped into his drink. There was a feeble attempt made at holding polite conversation, but that effort was quickly abandoned by the teens.

After several moments of awkward silence, the youths had settled in the living room. Sam and Wanda sat on the loveseat, his lanky arm wrapped around her. Todd crouched on the floor nearby, wishing that he could have Scott's powers for a moment. Fred and Lance were bored with the situation; the former wondering what was for dinner, the latter contemplating when he could call Kitty. Pietro sat down on the large leather seat across from the lovers, inwardly containing his anticipation for what would happen when a certain protective father returned.

And when the door was forcefully thrown open, the teens leapt to their feet in surprise. Billowing in through the open door was a thin layer of mist, mist which was coiling around the cloak surrounding a helmeted figure in the doorway. The dark cloak fell down the figure's shoulders, covering up everything underneath. The helmet hid the face of the person, revealing only luminescent yellow eyes.

Everyone scrambled into the hallway. Todd wore a gleeful grin at the sudden appearance of the Brotherhood's benefactor. Wanda dragged Sam directly in front of him.

Sam looked up at the figure of Magneto. The yellow eyes glared at him from darkness. Sam pulled on his collar slightly, when had it gotten so warm? Fog rolled lazily over the floor, covering the wood panels.

"Daddy," Wanda said, grabbing Sam's arm as she guided him forward. "This is Sam Guthrie. My boyfriend."

Sam tried to smile but failed miserably. Magneto said nothing, he merely stared down at Sam with his yellow gaze.

"Say something!" Wanda hissed in Sam's ear.

"Um. It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Lehnsherr," Sam spat out awkwardly. The yellow eyes flashed dangerously, and Sam swore he saw a spark of fire spill out from them.

A hush had fallen over the group, no one wanting to be the first to break the silence. Magneto simply stood in the hallway, mist swirling around him, yellow eyes blazing. Sam felt a bead of sweat begin to collect on his brow. Either someone had turned up the heat or the burning gaze was really getting to him.

The assembled mutants stood in the hallway, saying nothing. Sam stood, frozen by the cold glare emanating from the helmet. So entranced with the staring match no one had noticed that the cloak swathed around Magneto had begun to burn.

The flame sparked quickly, the cause of which was unknown, but the cloak provided ample material for the spark to turn into something much larger, much hotter, and much more dangerous. The cape spontaneously burst into flames.

Sam leapt backward. Lance straightened up to take a good look at the burning Magneto. Fred looked at the situation with little interest. Pietro's mouth dropped open in shock, and he began screaming for Sabertooth. Todd looked on with horror. Wanda shrieked but her cries were drowned out by the fire alarm.

In any house where Pyro is a resident, there are two necessities. Having a well maintained fire alarm system and having plenty of fire extinguishers readily available. Magneto had not neglected either.

Sabertooth bolted out of the kitchen, clutching a fire extinguisher in his massive hands. Rushing over to the conflagration that was consuming the doorway, he released a massive onslaught of the extinguisher's innards. The white goo burst from the extinguisher and covered the fire, quickly putting it out. Satisfied, Sabertooth stalked back into the kitchen with a grin.

Meanwhile the rest of the house looked at the remains of Magneto. The dark cape, and everything underneath it, had been completely destroyed by the fire. All that remained of the once proud mutant was his helmet, scorched beyond recognition and now a melted, twisted hunk of metal.

"What happened?" Sam asked. There was no answer. Tears began to well in Wanda's eyes, and she grabbed onto Sam for support. Pietro stared at the charred mess with eyes wide open. Todd slammed his fists on the floor, crying out why. Lance and Fred merely stood on in shock. The vigil that had fallen over the house was rudely interrupted by a loud giggling.

His curiosity aroused by the giggling, Lance looked out the open doorway to see Pyro, Kurt, and Bobby attempting to stifle their laughter.

"'Ello mates!" Pyro enthusiastically called as he entered the house accompanied by Kurt Wagner and Bobby Drake.

Angry glares were his response. Bobby walked in and looked down at the twisted hunk of metal.

"I told you to keep a closer eye on that flame."

Pyro shrugged. "Eh. Whatcha gonna do?"

"How about not burn Magneto's stuff?" Kurt added. Wanda's head snapped up.

"Wait a minute. What are you saying?"

"Blue boy and I were dressed up as your pop. You should have seen his face," Pyro declared with a finger pointed at Sam.

"You what?" Wanda screeched, a blue glow surrounding her hands.

"Now, now Wanda. There's no need to get violent. It'd make an awful mess," Pyro said, backing away slowly.

"Does it look like I care?" Wanda hissed viciously. Pyro found that his backtrodding did nothing, save to trap him against a wall. Closing his eyes and preparing to visit that big inferno in the sky, Pyro waited for the blow. Fortunately the pyromaniac was spared from a horrible fate by the arrival of the arrival of the one, true Magneto.

"Wanda, you kill Pyro, you get to repaint the room," Magneto said coolly as he entered the house, decked out in his battle uniform. Wanda's hands snapped to her side as her father arrived.

Magneto looked at the crowd for a moment before his gaze came to rest o Sam, who was quivering with terror. Staring at the boy for a few moments, Magneto seemed to be making up his mind about something. Taking the pause in action to her advantage Wanda jumped forward, her arm wrapped around Sam's again.

"Daddy, this is Sam Guthrie. My boyfriend."

"You're an X-Man, aren't you?" Magneto said with a calculating glare.

"Technically he's a New Recruit," Wanda put in. Magneto shot a nasty glance in her direction. He wanted the boy to answer the question.

"Well?"

"Y-Yes sir."

"Yes sir, what?"

"Ah'm an X-Man, sir." Magneto's eyes narrowed at the answer. He turned his gaze to his daughter.

"Wanda. Please escort Sam to the study. I would like to have a word with him in private." Wanda nodded and dragged her boyfriend off. Magneto watched them go before heading towards the kitchen.

"Victor, did you do as I asked?" Magneto said as soon as the hulking mutant came into his sight. Sabertooth gave him a feral grin.

"Oh yeah. That boy is gonna have fun tonight," he replied as he grabbed the empty white bottle labeled "Industrial Strength Laxative." [1]

* * *

Sam sat in Magneto's office in trepidation. Wanda had given him a kiss for luck and then left, leaving him all alone to face Magneto, Master of Magnetism, sworn enemy of humans and the X-Men, and the father of his girlfriend. To top it all off, he wasn't feeling very well. His stomach had really begun to bother him. In fact, just as he got up to use the restroom he found the exit blocked by Magneto.

"Sit. Please," Magneto said as he walked around his large desk and sat down. Knowing that his future with Wanda depended on this, Sam had no choice but to sit down and hopefully endure.

"So. Sam," Magneto began. "How long have you been courting my daughter?"

"Two months sir."

"And how did you meet?"

"Do ya remember when everybody was at the Institute after the Apocalypse thing? Ah met her then."

"Now Sam, I want to trust you. Do you want me to trust you?"

"Of course sir."

"Good. But if I'm going to trust you, and by that I mean trust you enough to date my only daughter, then you are going to have to be honest with me. Are you going to be honest with me?"

"Of course sir. Ah'd never dream of doing anything different."

"Good. Now Sam, where are you from?"

"Kentucky, sir."

"Hm. And were do you live?"

"On Ma's farm. Raising chickens."

Magneto paused. "Do you ever eat the chickens?"

"Only when we need to, sir."

"Do you fry them?"

"Oh yes sir. Ah love my chicken fried."

"You like your Kentucky Fried Chicken don't you?"

"Oh yes sir."

"Good," Magneto said as he placed a large bucket of the product on his desk. "I'll give you this chicken in exchange for you breaking up with Wanda."

"Sir?"

"Don't you want the chicken Sam?"

"Not if Ah have to break up with Wanda."

Magneto nodded. "You passed the first test, Mr. Guthrie. Now how far have you gone with my daughter?" Sam blushed furiously.

"Excuse me sir?"

"Sam, if I'm going to trust you, you are going to have to be honest with me about everything."

"But that's something that concerns me and Wanda."

"What concerns Wanda concerns me."

"Ah…Ah don't quite see how." Magneto sighed and stood up, making his way behind Sam, who really, really had to go to the bathroom.

"Sam, if you wish to continue having a relationship with my daughter then you will answer this question. Otherwise I will toss you out the window and have Pyro and his flame throwers chase you all the way back to the mansion. Am I clear?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. Now answer the question."

"We've made out when nobody is looking."

"Is that all you've done?"

"Yes sir," Sam replied squirming in his seat, partially due to Magneto's glare, partially due to his stomach bothering him. Magneto nodded and went back to his seat.

"Tell me Sam. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"Five years?"

"It's an arbitrary number."

"In college, Ah guess."

"And in this image of your future five years from now, is Wanda with you?"

"Sir?"

"Do you see yourself with my daughter in five years? It is a simple question."

"Ah…Ah don't know."

"Then why are you going out with her? If you don't have a future together are you just using her to get some cheap thrills? Do you think I'll stand by and let you use my daughter? My precious child?"

"Ah…"

"What? You said yourself don't see yourself with her in the future. So why bother dating her unless you are using her?"

"Ah…"

"Please, explain this to me. Why else? What other reason could there possibly be?"

"Ah love…"

"Don't give me that lame excuse about love. You don't know what love is. You're too young to know what love is. And besides, you don't love Wanda."

"What?"

"I've been checking up on you Samuel. And from all the sources I have, they say you have feelings for one Rahne Sinclair, who happens to be going out with your friend Roberto DaCosta. Yet the same sources indicate that Roberto has feelings for Wanda. This is just a sick game of revenge for you, isn't it?"

"No sir, Ah…"

"Come on Sam. Don't take me for a fool.

"Ah'm not."

"Then what?"

"Sir, Ah'm just a teenager. Ah can't see into the future. Ah can't predict where Ah'll be or who Ah'll be with. All Ah can do is tell you what Ah know now and right now Ah love Wanda. Ah may be young, but that doesn't mean Ah don't know what love is. Ah would never dream about using her sir. Ah couldn't use her. Ah wouldn't."

Magneto leaned back in his chair, looking at Sam in thought. "You surprise me with your honesty Sam. I must admit I thought I had you pegged. You are a tough nut to crack. I respect that. Now there is one last thing I'd like to discuss before we have dinner."

"What's that sir?" Sam replied, his stomach spinning at the thought of dinner. Magneto leaned forward in his chair anxiously.

"Your hair."

* * *

When Magneto took Sam into his office, there was a deep breath taken by everyone else in the house. Some were wondering what would be said behind those closed doors. Others were wondering if Sam would escape with his body and sanity, intact. Others were still hoping for another show, preferably including lots of screaming and sharp, pointy objects. Over an hour had passed before Sam emerged, wearing a large grin, no less. Magneto followed him out, looking less than pleased.

When everyone was seated for dinner, Magneto casting a menacing shadow from his seat at the head of the large table, Sabertooth began serving the food. Although most of it was charred beyond recognition, there was enough to satisfy even Fred. The dinner was fairly quiet, with everyone being too busy eating. That was until Sam decided to comment on the food.

"Ah have to say that these noodles are really good."

"What noodles?" Pietro asked with a quirked eyebrow. Sam brought his fork up which had a fat noodle wrapped around it, to show it off. The metal utensil was wrenched from his grasp, noodle and all, and shot over to Magneto's hand.

The Master of Magnetism took a quick look at the noodle before looking up at Sam with a weird grin.

"Sabertooth!" Magneto shouted, summoning his butler. Sabertooth stumbled into the room, clutching a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand.

"What is this?" Magneto asked while raising the fork. Sabertooth took a quick look at the utensil.

"Oops."

"Oops? Why the hell is your hair in the food!" Magneto shouted. [2]

When Sam heard this, his face paled considerably. Leaping from his seat he rushed towards the bathroom where he preceded to dry-heave to get what he had eaten out of his system.

"I thought I left explicit instructions for you not to cook," Magneto growled, ignoring the plight of Sam.

"She told me I had to cook."

"I told you to buy dinner. That's why I gave you the money."

"Ohhh."

"What did you do with the money, Victor?"

Sabertooth mumbled under his breath.

"What was that?"

"I bought Cher's Greatest Songs on CD." [3]

If it wasn't for the fact that Sabertooth had said it the entire house would have broke up in laughter. Since it was Sabertooth they had to settle for stifling chuckles.

"You can keep it. Just never play it in the house."

"I'm going to go check on Sam," Wanda said as she left the table. As soon as she rounded the corner, Magneto began to crack up.

"Good job Victor. Everything is going according to plan."

* * *

_(__11:00__)_

"It was a pleasure meeting you Mr. Lehnsherr."

"It was educational. Come by tomorrow and we'll finish our conversation. I'll expect you at five."

"Alright. Ah'll be here. Goodnight everyone. Goodnight Wanda." With that the door shut as Sam, and the two other members of the Xavier Institute took off for home. Wanda turned to look at her father as soon as the door shut.

"So what do you think of him?"

"I don't like him."

"Why not?"

"You want the long list or the short one?"

"What's wrong with Sam?"

"For starters he's an X-Man."

"He's a New Recruit!"

"So he's not even good enough to be an X-Man."

"So what? Besides you seemed to get along with Bobby and Kurt and they're both X-Men."

"Yes. But Bobby and Kurt aren't dating you."

"You're being so hypocritical."

"The advantages of being a super villain."

"Anything else about Sam you don't like?"

"Yes. That mullet of his."

"What about it?"

"This house has a 'no-mullet' rule. So long as he has the mullet, he can't come back in." [4]

"But Lance has a mullet!" Magneto looked over at Lance, who shied away from the glance.

"Lance loose the mullet," Magneto ordered.

"But I don't wanna."

"Fine. Then get some clothes without holes."

"But he still has the mullet."

"I've made an amendment to the 'no-mullet' rule."

"Oh yeah?" Wanda challenged, obviously very unhappy with her father's games.

"Yes. Lance is exempt from the rule."

"Score one for the Rock-Man!" Lance cried out.

"Do that again and Pyro will burn _all_ your hair off," Magneto threatened.

"Now, I told Sam that if he wishes to continue to see you he will get a haircut."

"What? I like his hair."

"But I didn't, and that's what matters."

"I can't believe you're doing this. I hate you!" Wanda cried as she stormed off. Magneto watched her for a moment before sighing.

"I knew I should have built that dungeon with the moat like I originally planned."

* * *

**_{Saturday}_**

_(__3:00__)_

Weekends at the Xavier Institute were relatively peacefully. Relatively, in the sense that the majority of the occupants were teenagers with mutant powers, that is. Today was an exception. Standing in the living room on a wooden crate was Bobby Drake, calling out to the rest of the residents of the mansion.

"That's right ladies and gentlemen! After having dinner with the nefarious Magneto, Sam Guthrie is still alive, and still in a relationship with Wanda! All those who bet on Magneto being able to drive Sam away after one night lose. All those with bets for today being the day, check in at nine for results! Make your bets now!

"Will this be the day? Will Sam keep his relationship with Wanda? Place your bets at the windows now!"

Working the 'betting windows' were Kurt, and several Jamies. Pyro was watching the proceedings with an amused grin, unable to handle the bets due to his inclination to burn any paper that came in his grasp, regardless of color or value.

When Professor Xavier wheeled into the living room, he was shocked at the sight of a gambling racket going on, and thriving, in his own home.

"Robert. Kurt. What is going on?" Bobby's face froze when he heard the professor call for him.

"Just having a little fun."

"Must this fun involve activities that are illegal?"

"We figure we're already criminals, so what's the harm of making some money during the process?" Kurt added as he closed his window.

"Already criminals?"

"Yeah. We're X-Men. The X-Men are wanted by police in Egypt, Mexico, China, and the United Kingdom for questioning about engaging in suspicious activities."

Xavier looked at his students with shock. "How'd you find out about that?"

Kurt shrugged. "It's amazing what you learn when you read the newspaper." Xavier paused, not certain whether to be proud of the boys for reading the newspaper or disappointed that they were proud of being wanted by several governments. He settled for being quite confused.

"What is everyone betting on?"

"When Sam breaks up with Wanda."

"Why would he do that?"

"Because, according to John," Bobby said with a thumb over in Pyro's direction. "Her father is determined to keep Wanda single. He even came to us for help. He vowed to break them up by Sunday." Xavier nodded; he had expected nothing else from his old friend.

"Your business seems to be thriving," Xavier noted dryly.

"Yeah. Everyone is interested in this. Logan and Hank even bet," Kurt replied.

"Very well. I suppose chastising you will do nothing, so carry on," Xavier said as he began to wheel away. "Oh and Robert, put me down for twenty on Sunday at five."

* * *

_(__7:00__)_

Two hours after Sam arrived, he emerged; his face was pale, his lips trembling. His hands shook violently. In short, he looked horrible. Following him out of the office was Magneto, who looked extremely happy.

Wanda jumped up to greet Sam when he exited the study. Having been out when he arrived, this was the first time she had seen him since the night before. Pulling to a screeching halt in front of her beau, Wanda frowned.

"Sam, what happened to your hair?" she asked, with a nasty glare sent in the direction of her father (who suddenly found that the wallpaper pattern was very interesting). Sam looked down at her, and ran a hand over his bald head.

"Ah cut it."

"No kidding. You cut it all off!"

"Ah think it looks good."

"It looks horrible! What drove you to this madness?" Sam's eye twitched violently. "A haircut is one thing, but going completely bald?"

"As fascinating as this conversation is, if you dally any longer you'll miss the movie," Magneto interjected. "Now get going."

The couple was quickly ushered out of the house, egged on by Magneto's shooing. As soon as they were out the door the mischievous father grabbed his cell phone and called up his allies.

"I don't know what you did to convince Sam to go completely bald, but it was pure genius," Magneto said.

"We try," Kurt replied. "Besides it was fun getting him to think Wanda liked bald guys. Let me tell you it was hard as hell convincing him that she had a crush on the Professor at one point."

"I imagine it would be. Speaking of Charles, what was his reaction to all this?"

"He bet you'd break them up by tomorrow." Magneto smiled at the comment.

"Good news. Speaking of which, when do I get my cut?"

* * *

_(__10:30__)_

Slamming the door to her room as hard as she could, Wanda Maximoff screamed. Her frustration at the past twenty-four hours was starting to wear on her, and Sam's recent behavior did not help her aggravation.

Somehow her father had managed to instill the fear of god into the boy, making him twitch and spasm throughout the entire night. Really, the way he was acting was ground for a one way ticket to the loony bin.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a light tapping on her door. Knowing that only one person in the house would even bother to knock, she threw the door open without calling for any information. Standing in the now open doorway was her twin.

"You okay?" Pietro asked with genuine concern.

"Fine," Wanda deadpanned as she threw herself onto her bed. Her brother followed her in and silently shut the door.

"Come on, you can tell me. If you can't trust your twin, who can you trust?"

"Anything I tell you goes straight to Father."

"I don't tell him everything."

"Name one."

"Like the girl I went out with tonight." Wanda flipped herself over.

"You didn't tell him?" Pietro frowned as he shook his head.

"If you think he's upset over your relationship, he'd blow a gasket over mine. So it's best to keep him out of the loop."

"I guess. Although I don't see why you should be spared from this treatment." Pietro shrugged.

"Cause 'I don't date. I sleep around.'" Wanda grinned slightly at the quotation. [5] Pietro sat down on his sister's bed. "What's bothering you?"

"Sam."

"What happened?"

Wanda propped herself on her elbows. "I don't know. Ignoring the fact someone convinced him to shave his head; he was just acting really weird tonight."

"Farm boy's always weird."

"To you, maybe. But tonight he was acting different that usual."

"Explain."

"Every time I tried to touch him, he'd flinch and pull away. Every time I wanted to gaze in his eyes, he'd look away. He spent the entire night twitching and spasming. It's like he was having a mental breakdown."

"Makes you wonder what happened to him in such a quick span of time," Pietro commented coolly. Wanda's eyes narrowed.

"Oh I know what happened. Father." Pietro shook his head with a grin.

"Maybe. But it might be that everything has just hit Sam? I mean, Danger Room sessions at five every morning is just asking for a mental breakdown."

"I suppose that could be it. But I don't think…"

"Well, thinking isn't going to solve the problem."

"You got a better idea?" Pietro nodded with a Cheshire Cat-like grin.

"Come with me, dear sister and see."

* * *

**_{Sunday}_**

****

_(__8:00__)_

Prowling was what he was good at, among other things, like fighting, yelling, or drinking beer. Prowling, however, was something he took great pride in.

Silently, Logan roamed about the vast mansion he called home.

Normally these early morning lurked were devoid of life. Sure, Chuck would be up in his study and Hank would be down in his lab. Occasionally Ororo would be in her garden, but never were any of the students present. Logan could count on one finger the amount of times he had ever found a student out of bed this early in the morning. It came as a surprise to him when he found the now bald Sam huddled in a ball, hanging upside down from the crystal chandelier that hung in the entrance hall.

While anyone else would have been shocked to find Sam in such a precarious position, Logan was used to weird things happening with teenage mutants. Shrugging and chalking it up to the Danger Room sessions, he trudged off to find Chuck.

* * *

_(__12:00__)_

"It took them how long to get him down?" Kurt asked Scott with a raised eyebrow.

"Three hours."

"But what was he doing hanging upside down from the chandelier?" Kitty asked.

After finding Sam on the chandelier, Logan had gone to Xavier, who had been able to eventually get the young boy down. Sam was shaking violently and nothing Xavier did was able to stop the reactions. However, Sam remained the same miserable state. Seeing that there was nothing he could do to help the youth at the moment, Xavier regrettably called up the Bayville Hospital.

From what the students were able to figure out (mostly through spying on the teachers) when Sam arrived, he was immediately transferred to the psychiatric ward.

"I can't believe it. Just three days ago he was so healthy and happy," Jean said, inciting everyone to nod their heads in agreement.

"Never realized dat the Big Man be so harsh with hommes calling on his daughter," Remy said as he twirled an unlit cigarette in his fingers.

"I guess that means the relationship is over. Sunday bets win," Bobby declared.

"No it doesn't. Sam's in a loony bin, he hasn't ended his relationship with Wanda," Scott protested.

"How the hell is he going to carry on a relationship from a mental institution?"

"I'm not saying that it'll be easy. Just that it isn't over yet."

"Why do Ah get the feeling you're saying that 'cause you bet they'd break up tomorrow?" Rogue asked bemusedly.

"Fair is fair."

"Don't worry. We have a plan. The moment Sam breaks up with Wanda, John will let us know," Kurt informed the group.

"How?"

"Either he was planning to use that huge spotlight with a cutout of Magneto's helmet or call us."

"So we should start checking the sky?"

"To the roof!"

* * *

_(__5:00__)_

Wanda was bored. There was only so much television she could take in a single day. There was only so much homework she could tolerate. There was only so long she could stand to be around Todd. She was really bored.

There were three possible solutions to her boredom. She could get her father to take everyone out to dinner, but he absolutely refused to take the Brotherhood out in public. She could take Lance's jeep, her father's credit card, and Pietro to hold stuff while she shopped. However, Pietro was missing, Lance's jeep broken, and her father's credit card nonexistent. Or she could figure out how to get together with Sam that evening.

She had called the Institute in order to find her boyfriend, but to no avail. All they would tell her was that Sam wasn't available and refused to divulge any more information. Wanda was a bit upset that she was unable to get in touch with him. She wasn't worried; there wasn't much that could withstand Sam "cannon-balling." She was concerned, and upset.

When the phone rang it startled her. It carried on for a few moments before Wanda came to the realization that the only person in the house who would be called was her. Bringing the receiver to her ear, she discovered that someone else had already picked up.

"…I'm just saying that it was advertised as a galaxy of cashews. And three isn't a galaxy." [6]

"That's really interesting Fred," a southern tainted accent replied. Sam's southern tainted accent.

"Fred, get off the phone!" Wanda yelled into the receiver, causing some loud hissing.

"Alright, alright. No need to get violent," Fred said as he hung up with a click.

"Sam, honey. How are you?"

"Ah've been better."

"Where are you? I've been trying to find you all day. I was thinking you could join us on a family picnic tonight." There was an extremely long pause on the other end of the phone.

"Ah can't Wanda," Sam replied finally.

"That's alright. Some other time."

"Listen Wanda, Ah'm calling because my doctor thinks Ah need to talk to you about something," Sam began, his voice suddenly adopting a nervous Woody Allen-esque tone. Wanda frowned. Since when did Sam have a doctor?

"He thinks that Ah've been having some problems lately, and Ah'm pretty sure he's right. So…Ah…uh…Ah just wanted to set some things right so Ah can get on with my recovery.

"Anyway, to make a long story short, Ah'm breaking up with you." Wanda's jaw dropped. There was no way in hell this was happening. It was just some joke.

"Ah'm sorry it had to be this way. It's not you it's me. But things aren't working out. So Ah'm sorry and have a nice life. Bye," That said, Sam hung up the phone. Wanda sat in utter silence for a moment before what Sam had finally said hit her.

"IT'S NOT FAIR!" Wanda began bawling at the top of her lungs. Her cries were so loud that within a few moments Magneto appeared in her doorway.

"Wanda? What's wrong?" Wanda stopped her tears for a moment, just enough to look up at her father.

"Sam…Sam broke up with me!" She began bawling again. For the briefest of moments a grin flashed on Magneto's face, before being replaced with concern. Sitting down on his daughter's bed, he wrapped his arms around her, letting her sob onto his shoulder while whispering comforting things into her ear.

* * *

The darkening sky above Bayville was broken by the sudden appearance of a helmet shaped spotlight.

A series of jubilant shouts and frustrated groans quickly followed it.

* * *

[1] – Contributed by XMenGirlzRule

[2] – Contributed by Lady Farevay

[3] – Spiffythefaery's general idea. And if there is a copy of Cher's greatest hits actually out there, don't tell me. I don't want to know.

[4] – Lyrafan and his no mullet rule!

[5] – A reference back to Magneto's comment in Chapter 2. In case you'd forgotten

[6] – Got to love those Simpsons.

Well there it is.

Is Wanda done with the dating scene?

Who else will try their hand at romancing the girl?

Like always send in those ideas for mischief and mayhem!


	5. The Human Pancake

Southern Goth Girl and XEvo Chic – I have to confess that part was my favorite as well. I don't know why, but I loved coming up with that.

UniversalAnimeGirl – Now that you mention it I think I may have read the first couple of chapters of the very first one. I didn't stop reading because it wasn't good or because of the slash, but I really don't like Aurora or Northstar. But I never read far enough to see the Sam/Wanda. As for Wanda in this story, she isn't dumb. She knows that her father is up to something. She just isn't clear what exactly he's doing, but it'll become clearer and clearer to her. Not that she could stop him anyway.

Lady Farevay – For the safety of your computer I'm going to recommend that at this time you put down any food or drink you may have until the completion of this chapter.

CrazySpaceyStacey – Woncermous, eh? I like the sound of that.

Ishandahalf – If you can't figure it out, I'm not going to tell. But theme music, now there's a good idea.

Betaed by Spiffythefaery, who for some odd reason wants me to write another story instead of this one.

* * *

**_{Wednesday}_**

****

_(__12:00__)_

Two weeks after Sam was taken away, things gradually began to return to normal. Sam was slowly regaining his sanity. The Brotherhood attended school, and even stayed long enough to earn report cards. As for Wanda, two weeks had gone by and she was still single.

Whether this was the case because of what had happened to Sam or because no one had dared to approach her in the past few weeks due to her fool mood was uncertain. What was certain was that rumors were beginning to circulate that no boy, no matter how charming, would be able to take Wanda out for more than an evening. One night was all that they could get. After that, her father entered the picture and would find a way to end the relationship.

Still that didn't mean that she couldn't be coveted from a far. And that's exactly what he did.

It was lunchtime at Bayville High. The mass hordes of students lounged about the school reveling in the short break between classes. Some students actually used the time to eat, while others spent the time catching up on the latest gossip.

The Brotherhood always bought their meals from the cafeteria. It wasn't that they weren't given food at the house. It was just that Sabertooth's idea of a satisfactory meal did not appeal to their taste buds. The mouse sandwiches had been immediately disposed of. But since Sabertooth took such pride in making them lunch, they didn't have the heart to tell him. Except for Pietro, but Sabertooth seemed to think he was just joking.

When Pietro had protested to his father he had been told either Sabertooth could fix lunch or they would get liver for every single meal. [1]

After having Fred hijack one of the tables, they sat down to lunch; lunch acquired from money given to Lance and Fred for "protection." While the boys were rather jovial as they ate, Wanda sat alone, brooding.

He watched her from the other side of the cafeteria. It had become his routine the past two weeks. While he always secretly harbored a crush on her since they had met so many months ago, he never let on until now. He and Sam were too close.

Sam was out of the picture now and he was currently free of any entanglements. Taking his eyes off her for the briefest of moments, he shot a glance towards his friends, who gave him a series of thumbs ups. They were behind him all the way, or until Magneto found out, which ever came first.

Nodding with renewed determination, he rose to his feet. He stood, his eyes locked on her as he mustered up all his courage.

"Come on," he told himself quietly. "You've fought the some of the most dangerous people to walk this planet. You've survived a massive explosion. You lived through Kitty's cooking. You can do it."

His ego boosted, he strode towards the unsuspecting Wanda.

* * *

_(__3:00__)_

Magneto was having quite a nice day. After sleeping in until eight, he had awoke to find that not only was the Brotherhood gone, but that Sabertooth had taken Pyro out to show the boy how to drink properly.

He spent the rest of the morning counting the figures from his recent business activities, and concluded that he had made over twenty five million from the last day's stock activities. It was amazing how much you could make when you had a prophetic seer on your payroll.

After taking Charles out to lunch to celebrate his success in ending Wanda's relationship (and Charles' victory in the pot), Magneto had returned to the house to take up his next task.

He had decided long ago that he wanted to rig up his uniform so that it played his own theme song when he entered a room. [2] That's why he was on the phone.

"So I was thinking of something dark and foreboding. Similar to the theme you did for Darth Vader, Mr. Williams."

"I see. And how long do you think that would take?"

"What'd you mean you have to do the next Star Wars movie? What's the point? You're just going to take the good music from the previous movies anyway. You don't need to be there for that."

"Well I'll triple the offer. For just one song. Can't be more than a day's work for a genius like you."

"That's fair enough. I'll wait for your response. Thank you very much Mr. Williams, and good day." As Magneto hung up on the legendary conductor his son sped into the room.

"You're never going to believe what happened today," Pietro said quickly. Magneto frowned.

"If this has anything to do with Todd attempting to free his brethren from the science labs, then I already heard."

Pietro blinked. "Okay, that happened too, but I was referring to something else."

"I haven't the foggiest idea. I assume you're about to tell me," Magneto said as he flipped open his autobiography notebook to make note of something.

"Wanda got asked out by that Brazilian X-Geek Roberto DaCosta," Pietro said. Judging by Magneto's response, he wasn't paying attention.

"Pietro, you know I don't speak Spanish." [3]

"Neither do I."

"Come again?"

"Wanda. Your daughter. Got asked out by Roberto DaCosta. He's coming over for dinner. Tonight." Magneto's head jerked up violently.

"Tonight? That gives us no time to plan. Your sister is a quick learner."

"What are we going to do?"

"We are going to do nothing. Make sure that you keep an eye on Mr. The Coast. I have no doubt he'll make a mistake. And when he does, I'll be ready."

* * *

_(__4:00__)_

Roberto knew what he was up against.

He was going to march into the lion's den and have dinner with the beast. Of course, he was hoping that he'd get out without being maimed, or eaten, for that matter, and there was one way to assure that.

He needed to find out what Magneto liked in a suitor. That left him with two courses of action: He could ask Professor Xavier, but the old man was gone for the day. That meant he had to ask Kurt and Bobby.

Raising his hand to knock on the door to the room shared by the duo, Roberto muttered to himself under his breath.

"This is a bad idea." Still, he knocked. The door creaked open and two heads appeared, one on top of the other.

"Yeeeeeesssss," Kurt drawled.

"How may we help you?" Bobby continued.

"I need your help to…" Roberto began. Before he could finish the sentence he was forcibly dragged into the room.

"…appease Magneto tonight," Roberto finished as he took a look at the vast experiments that were being run in the room.

"Ah. So you have asked the girl out?" Bobby began.

"And you want to please her father?" Kurt concluded.

"And I don't want to end up like Sam." Kurt and Bobby exchanged a glance. Bobby walked over to Roberto and threw his arm around his shoulders.

"Since we like you 'Berto, we're gonna tell you the secret to making Mags like you."

"Really? What do I have to do?" Roberto asked, not catching the mischievous twinkle in the duo's eyes.

* * *

_(__6:00__)_

"When is this brat showing up?" Magneto asked Wanda as they sat in the parlor.

"Any minute now."

"You said that half an hour ago."

"He said _around_ six," Wanda replied. Magneto raised a snowy eyebrow.

"Don't use that tone of voice with me."

"What tone of voice?"

"You know what I'm talking about. Don't play dumb."

"I have no idea what you mean."

"Yes you do. Do it again, and you're grounded."

"Grounded? For what?"

"For using that tone of voice with me."

"What tone? I don't know what you're talking about. How can you ground me for doing nothing?"

"I can ground you for whatever reason I want. I'm your father."

"You certainly have an interesting way of showing that," Wanda grumbled.

"And what does mean young lady?"

"Nothing."

"That's it! You're grounded! No dates for a month!"

"What?"

"No dates. Tell this boy that you can't go out."

"He's coming here for dinner. He's outside now!" Wanda screeched as she saw car lights in the window. Magneto paused.

"Fine. No school for week."

"What?"

"No school."

"As long as you write the note."

"I will. No school. No homework. No studying for you," Magneto declared in victory. Despite all his intelligence the crafty father had been played by his daughter. That fact hit him just as the doorbell rang. "D'oh!"

Sabertooth threw open the door and took a look at the visitor. The feral mutant blinked, then his instincts kicked in. Letting out a girlish scream he slammed the door. Turning on his heel he ran into the parlor and dove over the couch, slamming into the floor. He placed his massive paws over his face and whimpered quietly.

Both father and daughter exchanged a look of pure confusion at the scene they had just witnessed. Rising to their feet, they approached with apprehension. Magneto pulled the door open, and peeked around the corner, bracing himself for whatever he would witness.

Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw. Standing outside was Wanda's gentleman caller, Roberto. In his attempt to impress Magneto, and his folly by following Kurt and Bobby's advice, he was decked from head to toe in an accurate replica of Magneto's battle uniform. From the purple cape to the helmet, complete with glowing eyes, he was the spitting image of the Master of Magnetism – minus the foreboding presence, the dark glare, and the proper size to fill out the outfit. The cape was too long, the armor to large, and the helmet covered everything from his chin up.

"What are you doing boy?" Roberto lifted his head straight back to look at Magneto from underneath the helmet.

"Oh! Hello sir. Um – these are – uh – for you," he said, pulling out flowers from the cape and holding them out for Magneto to grab.

"What are you doing?" Magneto repeated, his gaze on the roses being handed to him.

"I was told that it is proper to give the father of the lady being courted all the gifts."

"Pietro! Get my shotgun!"

"What? I'm sorry! I was just doing what Bobby and Kurt said you'd approve of."

"Bobby and Kurt?" Roberto nodded weakly at Magneto's question. The glare he was receiving immediately melted and was replaced by a very large grin. "Why didn't you say so? That's a horse of different color! Come on in!" [4]

* * *

_(__9:00__)_

Wanda and Roberto (who had shed his costume) sat in Scott's borrowed car looking up at the star filled sky.

"Listen, I want you to know that I really had a nice time tonight," Roberto said.

"So did I. It was nice that Father took it easy on you."

"Must have been the advice Kurt and Bobby gave me." Wanda chuckled at the comment.

"I don't think so. He's probably waiting for you to screw up." There was a lapse of silence.

"Wanda, I really don't want this to be a one night thing. I'd like for it to be…" Roberto's thought was cut off as he found that his lips were no longer moving of his own accord. That would be because Wanda had firmly pressed hers on his. After the initial shock had worn off, Roberto began to enjoy the kiss. He felt Wanda wrap her arms around him.

He broke the kiss to move his lips down her neck. As he did so one of his hands wrapped around her waist while the other snaked forward and…

"Whoa! Hold your horses cowboy," Wanda said as she pulled herself from Roberto's grip. Roberto looked at her in dismay.

"I knew I'd screw up. Dumb Roberto. Dumb, dumb, dumb!" he cried as he slammed his head into the steering wheel, causing the horn to honk.

"Listen Roberto, I like you. I really do. And I want to see you again. But that's as far as you're going to get tonight." Roberto looked up at her with hope streaming across his face. Wanda opened the door of the car and shot a look back at the Portuguese boy.

"Call me tomorrow and have a great night," she said as she planted another small kiss on his cheek. Then she stood up and walked into the house. Roberto sat there dazed for a few moments before driving back to the mansion.

However the couple's actions did not go unobserved. No less than three people were watching them. Todd saw everything from the roof, his blood boiling at the scene that unfolded before his bulbous eyes. Pyro watched the incident in the car from the porch, although his gaze could have been occupied by the leaf fire going across the street. And in his study, giving him the perfect vantage point, was Magneto. The second he saw Roberto's wayward hand a fire began to blaze in his eyes. He watched the car drive off into the distance, before bursting from the window in a burst of magnetic power.

* * *

Roberto slammed the door to the car shut and walked merrily up to the front door of the house. He was in too much bliss to go in. Instead he wanted to stay outside and remain in his current state as long as he could. Putting his hands in his pockets, he whistled a lively tune as he ambled outside the house, enjoying the night.

So lost in his joy, Roberto failed to notice the dark cloud that was nearing the mansion. His first clue that something was wrong was when his tune was interrupted by a loud humming noise. His second clue was when, moments later, a car was hurled at him from the pitch black sky.

Letting out a scream, Roberto leapt to the side, letting the vehicle smash harmlessly into the grass. Rolling to his feet Roberto took a quick look at the car, and then looked up into the sky.

Hovering several dozen feet above the ground was Magneto, decked out in full, appropriately sized, battle gear. Hanging in the air behind him was myriad automobiles, ranging from motorcycles to big rigs. Roberto gulped loudly.

Without saying a word Magneto flung a Pinto at Roberto. The boy dodged again, the car slammed into the ground and it exploded. Roberto was flung towards the mansion. He scurried quickly in as a big rig almost turned him into Roberto DaCosta: The Human Pancake. Fortunately for the youth, the explosion had activated DefCon4, which brought up the protective metal sheets that prevented Magneto from sending any more projectiles at him. Unfortunately, the entire mansion was now encased in metal.

The mansion shook as Magneto pulled on the metal plates and, inadvertently, everything else that was metal inside the mansion. Roberto watched in horror as all the silverware shot towards him, narrowly missing his head. Following that was a vacant wheelchair, with Professor Xavier clinging on to the wheel; his face filled with pure, unadulterated terror. The wheelchair soared over Roberto's head and crashed into the metal plates, smashing into a thousand pieces.

"Not another one," Xavier moaned as Logan, shouting curses, shot through the air, and landed headfirst into the protective covering of the mansion.

"Alright? Who pissed him off?" Logan asked. His voice was muffled due to the fact that his body was twelve feet off the ground and his face was smashed into the plates. Roberto hesitated, contemplating the wisdom of answering such a question, but did so anyway.

"I did," he said as Magneto stopped pulling and starting pushing. The remains of the wheelchair took off, dragging a crying Xavier. As Logan hurtled out of sight he called back.

"When I get down I'm going to kill you for this Sunshine! Ow! Damn wall!"

Roberto gulped as he watched Logan vanish, along the remains of the wheelchair tugging along the now-crying Xavier. "Oh boy, this is bad. This is very, very bad."

"You're telling me! I gave you until eleven before he came to kill you!" Bobby said as he slid past on an ice slide.

"Good going Roberto!" Ray said as he flew by with Jean, Scott, and Hank.

"Is everyone against me?"

"We're trapped in the mansion and at the mercy of a man who desperately wants to destroy us all! What do you think?" Scott cried out as several of the electronic systems in the house began to explode.

"You will be cleaning up this mess," Hank chided as the floating group vanished. A horde of Jamies followed, the legion shouting about not wanting to miss the show.

"How am I going to get out of this?"

"Let him squash you!" Kurt said as he appeared next to Roberto in a puff of smoke. He placed a three fingered hand on Roberto's shoulder and they vanished in a puff of smoke, only to reappear outside. Underneath the floating Magneto and his army of cars.

"What?" Roberto managed to squeak out when he saw where he was.

"Sorry 'Berto, but better you than us. Have fun Mags!" With that, Kurt vanished in another cloud of smoke. Roberto looked dumbfounded at the spot where Kurt once had been before turning his gaze to look at the scowling face of Magneto.

"Um – Hi Mr. Lehnsherr. What's up?"

"This, Roberto, is the part where you scream," Magneto replied as a brand new Jeep shot towards him.

* * *

Inside the bowels of the mansion Hank merrily typed at the computer, deactivating DefCon4 to provide everyone inside with a view of the show.

* * *

"And now, for your viewing pleasure this evening, we proudly present Roberto DaCosta and Magneto in 'Whack-A-Roberto! With Cars!'" Bobby declared jubilantly to the rest of the gathered members of the Institute.

Everyone had assembled on the second floor on the mansion, in one of the rec rooms, to get a good view of what was going on outside. Even the teachers were watching with interest. Xavier sat watching with a giant foam hand that read "Go Erik!" [5] Logan sat waving a pennant the read "Magneto #1!" In the background was Tchaikovsky's Overture of 1812. As the music rose to its famous booms, cars exploded outside, matching the music perfectly.

"Look at him go," Rogue mused as she watched the fun. "Ah wonder how long it takes before Magneto gets him."

That set off the bets.

* * *

**_{Thursday}_**

_(7:00)_

"Where'd all these cars come from?" Lance pondered aloud as he stepped outside the house. Parked in the driveway were several brand new luxury cars.

"No idea. Is that blood?" Pietro asked as he ran his finger along the new silver Mercedes-Benz.

"No. Why would there be blood on a brand new car?"

"Hey, who knows what Sabertooth was doing this morning," Pietro replied as he hopped into Lance's jeep. The car pulled out of the driveway as Sabertooth burst from the house, clutching several paper sacks in his hands.

"Wait! You forgot your lunch!"

"Hit the gas!" Wanda ordered. Lance didn't need to be told twice. The jeep peeled off, leaving Sabertooth in their dust.

"Oh well. I'll have to find someone who'll actually eat peanut butter and jelly," Sabertooth said as he turned around to go back inside.

* * *

_(3:00)_

Wanda violently threw the door to her father's office open.

"What did you do?"

Magneto stared at his daughter blankly. "What?"

"What did you do?"

"Today? Blackmailed Mastermind, called John Williams, plotted to take over France. Why?"

"Roberto told me that it won't work out between us. That was quite a different tune than what he sung last night. And he was bruised and cut all over. What happened?"

"He's a teenage boy. They tend to change their minds rather quickly. Case and point, your brother."

"Father," Wanda threatened between clenched teeth.

"I didn't do anything. The last time I saw him, he was in a car." Wanda's eyes narrowed. Saying nothing, she turned on her heels and left.

"That was too close," Magneto muttered to himself and turned back to looking at the comics section.

"Stupid Family Circus!" [6]

* * *

[1] – This idea came from a story called "Fishing Trip" written by Andraste, which can be found at 

[2] – Idea by Ishandahalf

[3] – From the hysterical movie _Anchorman: the Legend of Ron Burgundy_

[4] – 2 points for guessing where this one. Give up? From _The Wizard of Oz_.

[5] – A reference to another story of mine _It Happens Every Spring_ that deals with Xavier and Magneto being baseball fans, and has a squabble over foam hands.

[6] – Family Circus is the worst comic strip EVER! This is not the opinion of the author. It is fact.

Another boyfriend bites the dust.

Who will ultimately succeed? Father or daughter?

And what poor saps will get stuck in the middle?

Send in those ideas!


	6. Love's Crash Landing

Lyrafan – Fu Manchu? Morlock? Which one are you talking about, cause I sure as hell don't have any idea.

Lady Farevay – Technically Roberto is Brazilian, and therefore speaks Portuguese. However DaCosta doesn't translate to The Coast in either Spanish or Portuguese. Yeah, I check. So I have way too much time on my hands.

Purity Black – Angel, huh?

Crazyspaceystacey – I have an idea of who I specifically want to use in this story. However I am willing to add people who I haven't thought of, or those who are recommended. And the order that they come in is pretty much up to popular demand.

Ishandahalf – Stop reading my mind! Before I come after you with a pointy stick!

Thanks to Spiffythefaery for doing all the dirty beta work.

* * *

**_Thursday_**

_3:00_

Looking at the offending piece of paper, Magneto frowned.

At precisely fifteen seconds past three, the front door opened, and in stepped Pietro.

"Fifteen seconds? I'm getting slow," the youth remarked to himself.

"Good day Pietro," Magneto said as he rose from his seat.

"'Sup Pops."

Magneto blinked "What?"

"I said 'Sup Pops.'"

"One more time, in English."

"Hello Father."

Magneto nodded. "Ah, better. You have been using more of this butchered version of English you call 'Slang' lately. This must stop boy."

"Yes sir."

"Good. Now Pietro, I wanted to discuss your report card with you."

"Report card?" Pietro asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes. You know, the way that the school lets me know about your grades."

"Never got one of those before," Pietro replied thoughtfully as he tapped his index finger on his chin in thought.

"Perhaps because you never attended class before."

"I resent that insinuation. You have no proof!"

"I don't care. What I do care about are your grades," Magneto replied as his eyes flicked over to the paper in his hand. "U.S. History – F. Geometry – F. Chemistry – F. Computer Programming – F. English – F. Art – C," Magneto read. As he finished Pietro looked up at his father sheepishly.

"Really, I can explain."

Magneto's cheek twitched in barely controlled anger. "I hope so."

"Well, you see I keep screwing around in Art. Really I do. I flirt with all the cheerleaders, and I don't do any of the assignments. But this teacher is so stoned that he gives me a C. And he always repeats what he says three times." "I see. I recommend that you demolish the room and claim that it's art. That should secure an F. Other than that mistake, I'm proud of you Pietro."

"Really?"

"Yes. Just don't let the others know that," Magneto remarked with a grin as the squeal of tires signaled the rest of the Brotherhood had returned home. The door opened and the three boys walked in.

"Wanda is with Rogue at the Institute. She had a project to do in English," Lance said to Magneto.

"Very well. Can you pick her up when she is done?" Magneto asked. Lance, never one to turn down an opportunity to see Kitty, nodded.

* * *

_5:00___

Magneto sat in the recliner, watching television. He wasn't exactly sure what he was watching but it involved little animals fighting each other. He wasn't sure why he was watching it, but John had control of the remote. He wasn't sure that he wanted to ask for it back.

"You call that a fire attack? I'll show you a real fire attack mate!" Magneto closed his eyes and thanked his wisdom of fire-proofing the television for the hundredth time that day. He felt two arms wrap around his neck and lips plant themselves on his cheek.

"Hi Daddy," Wanda whispered into his ear. His eyes snapped open just as his daughter skipped off.

"That was odd," John remarked from the floor, where he was sitting – on his head.

"For once we agree," Magneto replied.

Wanda adhered to a strict pattern of behavior whenever she returned home. This routine in no way ever included kisses on the cheek and hugs. It did however entail the following:

1) She would proclaim her return

2) She would respond to questions about her day with "Okay" while getting snack

3) She always answered any other questions with "I Don't Care"

4) She would complain that she was still single

5) She would complain that she was unappealing to men by being one or many of:

A) She was ugly

B) She was fat

C) She was a mutant

D) She would find another trivial reason

6) Then she'd blame everything on Pietro

7) After blaming Pietro she'd blame everything on Todd

8) And then, to cover everything, blame Magneto for Pietro and Todd, and everything else

Her happy temperament could mean only one thing. Magneto ground his teeth together.

"John, it appears someone has been foolish enough to ask Wanda out. We must take action."

"You sure boss? Cause the last time you said we had to take action, you went Ba-Ba-Ba-BOOM!" John jubilantly declared as he added special effects to his words.

Magneto glared at the insane boy. "What is the name of your current lighter?"

"Dora, why?"

"I think it's time you got into the E's, don't you?"

John screamed and clutched the lighter as he scrambled from the room. Magneto watched the boy go as his cell phone rang.

"Who is it this time?"

…..

"Oh god no. Anyone but him."

* * *

**_Friday_**

_11:00_

Magneto looked up as Sabertooth deposited a large stack of books on his desk.

"There you go Boss. Every book the library had on birds. And let me tell you, getting them was hard work. There was this eighty year old woman that I had to wrestle with for some of these. **1** Had to whack her with a couple of copies of War and Peace to get them."

"I don't know whether to be horrified or impressed," Magneto replied dryly.

"Why? I got the books didn't I?"

"No, it's not that. You hit an old lady with War and Peace. No one deserves that treatment. On the other hand, you read the title."

Sabertooth smiled sheepishly.

"I do what I can."

* * *

_3:30_

"Gentlemen – we are about to embark on a new quest. One that will test each and every one of you. Some of you will not come back alive, but that is a risk I'm willing to take,"

"Come back alive?" Kurt asked with a slight quiver in his voice.

"I am letting Pyro use sharp objects for this one."

Three pairs of eyes looked over at the mutant in question, who was sucking on a balloon, while performing the Chipmunk song.

"Christmas, Christmas hur…" Pyro's sentence was not finished as he jammed a large bottle of vodka into his mouth.

"Um. How long as he been like that?" Bobby asked with a raised eyebrow at his friend's abnormal behavior. Magneto met his eyes and shrugged.

"I'm not too sure. But it's an improvement in his normal behavior so I'm not complaining."

"Good point."

"So, any questions about what I need from you three tonight?"

Kurt squirmed in his seat. "Um, the victim is question knows me rather well. And Rogue's fond of him. So any chance I could not be involved in the ritualistic performance of bodily harm?"

"What do you think?"

"I'm a dead man aren't I?"

Bobby threw his arm around Kurt's shoulders sympathetically.

"You've been a dead man ever since you dyed Scooter's hair purple."

"You did that!"

"You have no proof!"

"Other than the fact that I was with you?"

Bobby blinked. "Curses! Foiled again!"

There was a brief silence, broken by Magneto slapping Pyro to make sure that he hadn't fallen asleep.

"Wot? Wot'j you do that for?" Magneto sighed, grabbed the empty vodka bottle, and whacked Pyro with it.

* * *

_6:00_

"You shouldn't look so upset Daddy. You'll really like this guy," Wanda assured her father, for the umpteenth time that day.

"Somehow I still find that hard to believe."

"He's absolutely perfect," Wanda prattled on, ignoring her father. "He's so kind, and charming. And he's gorgeous. Every time he grins I just wanna die."

"Another reason for him to," Magneto muttered under his breath. Not that he needed to keep his thoughts so secretive. Wanda wouldn't have heard Fred fall down the stairs.

"As if he weren't already perfect, he's also super rich!"

"He's here," Sabertooth announced to the room, as he watched a large, expensive luxury car pull into the driveway. A few moments later the doorbell rang.

A blur of white shot towards the door.

"Well, hello. I'm Pietro Maximoff, Wanda's elder twin," Pietro smoothly told the figure in the doorway. "Please come in."

"Put that back."

Pietro froze, the visitor's wallet in his fingers. Frowning, Pietro put the wallet in the outstretched hand of its rightful owner.

Warren Worthington grinned.

"Thank you. Where is your sister?"

Pietro pointed weakly in the direction of the living room.

"Warren!" Wanda cried as she leapt onto her current boyfriend and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"So, where is this mysterious father of yours?"

"Warren – my father, Erik Lehnsherr."

Warren Worthington III was a man who was good natured, easy going. Generally speaking, everyone liked him, and he liked everyone else. However, he hated Magneto. He absolutely loathed him. And he had been completely unaware of Magneto's real name.

Both men stood completely still, their eyes locked onto each other. Neither one blinked.

"Angel," Magneto hissed.

"Magneto," Warren returned.

"Warren!" Wanda cried.

"Father?" Pietro asked.

"Daddy."

"Wanda."

"Sis?"

"Angel."

"Idiot."

"Pietro."

"Magneto."

"Sweetums!"

"Todd!"

"Worthington!"

"Fire!"

"You!" **2**

Off to the side, Sabertooth solemnly looked on at the heated, and confusing, exchange. "How come I'm always left out?" he moaned.

The front door opened and Logan stuck his head in.

"Sabertooth!"

"Logan!" Sabertooth leapt to his feet and jumped through the window.

Meanwhile, Wanda observed the hostility oozing from her father and Warren. Hoping to defuse the tension she stepped between the two with a glare. "Dinner time."

* * *

_8:00_

Dinner was a complete disaster.

There could be no doubt about that. Warren refused to talk to Magneto during the entire meal. Magneto had retaliated by bending all of Warren's silverware. As soon as he had finished with his food, Magneto had stormed off, with the rest of the house quick to follow suit, leaving Warren and Wanda at the table.

"Warren?" The winged mutant blinked. He tilted his head to look at his girlfriend. "Why did you act so childish?"

"Wanda – You know how I feel about Magneto. You know what he did to me. You know that the only reason I was in Mexico was because he was the only person I hated enough to fight against. You knew all that, yet you never told me that he was your father."

"He's changed Warren. He really has. If you'd only give him a chance…"

"A chance to do what? Kidnap me again? No thanks."

"He's changed Warren."

"A leopard can't change his spots, Wanda. Never can, never will."

"If that's how you feel about it…then I'm sorry but this won't work out."

"What?"

"I can't change my family Warren. Anyone who can't accept that, I can't accept. I'm sorry."

Warren Worthington III had just been dumped. For the first time ever. Not saying a word he rose from his seat and left the house. Wanda sobbed silently into her napkin.

* * *

Warren drove back to his penthouse in the city, his mind elsewhere. He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he failed to notice the visitor hovering outside his balcony until he went out to stretch his wings.

"She deserves better than you," Magneto told the winged multibillionaire.

"She deserves better than you," Warren coolly replied.

"Perhaps she does. But at least I can admit to it."

Warren snorted. "Whatever helps you sleep at night. Besides you may have fooled her, but not me. You haven't changed a bit."

"Oh, I've changed. For example, before I never would have cared if you broke her heart. Times have changed."

"You've come to get me to take her back?"

"Oh no. I'm not so forgiving. You hurt her. So I hurt you." Warren felt a heavy weight land on his back, ice growing on his arms and legs, and was blinded by a bright flash in front of him.

As quickly as the assault began, it ended. Warren looked up at Magneto, his head spinning slightly.

"Is that the best you got old man?" Magneto smirked. Stretching his wings to their full span, Warren stepped the ledge and leapt at Magneto. Magneto levitated himself slightly higher, avoiding Warren's outstretched fists. It was when Warren attempted to turn that he noticed something was wrong.

He was flying erratically. He had no control over his movements. And there was a very large window in front of him.

Closing his eyes, Warrant smashed through the window and landed and a soft sticky substance.

"Not quite the tar and feathering I had in mind, but it'll do," Magneto said as he floated in the window, clutching several large, white feathers in his hand. Warren looked up at the myriad bottles lining the inside of the building he had landed in. They were labeled Superglue.

"I'll never get this out."

* * *

"So Warren has paid for his foolish idea and his rudeness," Magneto told Pietro.

"So what?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"He caught me taking his wallet. Do you realize how much money we **could have charged **on his account? That's the ultimate revenge!" Magneto sighed. Reluctantly he grabbed something from his pocket and handed it to Pietro.

"Here. Your sister has the rest, and she's taking all the female members of the Institute on a shopping spree. I suggest you spend as much as you can."

Pietro looked as his father in complete disbelief.

"How?"

"You still have much to learn." Pietro grabbed Warren's credit card and sped off.

* * *

**1**- Seinfeld versus the old lady for the marble bread anyone?

**2**- The idea for the exchange came from Family Guy.

Another boyfriend bites the dust.

What poor fool is next? And what should happen to him?

Send in those ideas!


	7. Seeing Red, Part 1

SouthernRebelGal – Your dad did this to you, huh? Any insight you want to provide? But, for the record, I have every intention of being exactly like this to any dates for my children. When that happens, I will be well prepared. But that is a very long time in coming.

SperryDee – Everyone keeps bringing up the Morlocks. I'll get to them eventually, but I had way too good of an idea for this chapter.

PyroLady – I'll look into that request. But I dare say no one can "survive" Magneto, not even the Cajun.

Fiona12690 – Now that's an idea I can work with.

Thanks to the marvelous Spiffythefaery for beta work.

* * *

**_Tuesday_**

_6:30_

"I would appreciate it if you used your silverware for once, Blob," Magneto said as he cast a disgusted glance in the large boy's direction. "And napkins too, for that matter."

Fred blushed with embarrassment and daintily picked up a napkin.

"You've been snappy all night. What's wrong?" Mystique asked. She had been invited over for dinner so that she and Magneto could catch up on what had been going on since the incident with Apocalypse.

"I've had a hell of a week," Magneto replied curtly. His tone indicated that he did not want any more conversation on his bad mood.

"For good reason too. I'd have had a breakdown if I had to put up with everything you did this week," Lance snorted into his food. He had not meant for the comment to be heard.

"Oh?" Mystique grinned and quirked an eyebrow.

Magneto met her gaze and frowned. "I am not discussing it," he stated with a tone of finality.

Mystique crossed her arms and pouted. "Fine. But you could at least tell me where Wanda is."

"She is not feeling well."

"How would you know boss? She hasn't talked to you for three days," John said as he looked up from his severely charred food.

"Pyro!" Magneto barked. But it was too late. The damage was done.

"Three days Erik?" Magneto would not deign to respond.

"You know if you don't tell me I'm sure one of the boys will," Mystique said with a grin.

"Fine!" Magneto shouted, slamming his hands onto the table, sending his dinner airborne. "I'll tell you what happened!" Magneto pointed a long, bony finger at Mystique. "But keep in mind; this is all your children's fault."

That said, Magneto launched into his tale about the week from hell.

* * *

**_Sunday_**

_2:00_

Magneto walked into Charles' study, hoping to find his old friend. Charles was right where Magneto expected. However, the large wad of cash that he was counting was not.

"Ah, come in," Charles said as he continued counting. Magneto looked at the large oak desk, covered in papers and several cigars, and frowned.

"I thought you abhorred smoking Charles," Magneto said as he sat down.

"Normally I do, but every once and a while it doesn't hurt to indulge oneself."

"You won them off Logan again, didn't you?"

"Of course," Charles replied with a large grin. Despite himself, Magneto joined in.

"And what was the bet this time?"

"We entered one of Bobby's pools. I won."

"Fair and square?"

Charles looked hurt by the allegation. "I wanted to win. Of course I cheated." The two men shared a laugh. The moment ended quickly when the door to the study opened and Scott Summers stumbled in.

"Oh, I'm sorry Professor. I didn't mean to interrupt," he apologized. It seemed like there was something wrong.

"Quite alright Scott. How can I help you?"

"I don't want to bother you with Magneto over."

"Nonsense," Charles waved the complaint away. "Erik doesn't mind." Magneto, who normally would mind, a great deal in fact, nodded in agreement.

"It's rather personal, Professor," Scott replied.

Charles blinked rapidly. "Oh. Well, then – uh – you'd best talk to Logan about this. He'd be more helpful than I." Scott nodded and left the study, closing the door behind him.

"What was that about?" Magneto asked. Charles, who was offering him one of the cigars, frowned slightly.

"Scott has reached a – rough patch in his relationship with Jean."

"Rough patch?"

Charles hesitated, unsure of how to phrase his answer. "It can be quite difficult when you have a telepath for a girlfriend."

"I imagine so," Magneto replied as he lit up the cigar with the lighter he had taken from John only hours ago.

* * *

While Magneto was visiting Charles, the rest of the Brotherhood was randomly spaced throughout the mansion. Lance was with Kitty out in the institute's grounds, under the watchful eye of Logan, although he would claim he was just out for some air. 

Fred and Todd were sitting in the living room, listening attentively to a story that Remy was spinning. None of the Cajun's story was true, but neither boy knew that.

John had taken off with Kurt and Bobby and not been seen since. Normally that would be cause for alarm. However, since Magneto had the lighter there wasn't as much concern over their disappearance. That didn't mean anyone was relaxing. Hank and Piotr were conducting a very through search of the entire mansion.

Pietro was lying beside the pool, carefully instructing the young Jamie on how to pick up women. The other male members of the New Recruits were supposed to be watching over Jamie to prevent him from picking up any of Pietro's behavior, but they were too engrossed with what he was telling them to do anything.

As for Wanda, she was spending the afternoon with Rogue.

"So I dumped him," Wanda said, finishing her tale about what had happened with Warren the previous day.

"Ah can't believe that," Rogue replied, speaking for the first time since Wanda started her story.

"I know. Who knew that he was so thick headed?"

"Ah meant that Ah can't believe your father threw him into a superglue factory." The girls shared a giggle.

"Yeah, that was pretty funny. Nothing more than he deserved."

"Nice to know that you have a parent that cares," Rogue remarked sullenly. Wanda frowned.

"You know, Dad is still is in touch with her. I'm sure I could…"

"No thanks. Ah made my choice." Rogue paused, as if trying to figure what to say next. "Besides she'd probably go postal on Amanda for going out with Kurt."

Wanda's eyebrow rose. "And what about Remy?"

Rogue shrugged. "Whatever it is, he's got it coming to him."

"You don't mean that."

"Sure Ah do. Can Ah rent out your father's services for an evening?" Rogue deadpanned.

"Alright, what's up?"

"Ah have no idea what you're talking about."

Wanda frowned. "Rogue, I know you. And I know that's something's up. So why don't you just tell me what it is?"

Rogue glared and Wanda returned it levelly.

"Alright. Jean broke up with Scott."

"What? Mr. and Ms. Perfect didn't work out?"

Rogue shrugged. "Well, from what Kitty's been blabbering about, Scott was happy. Jean wanted a break. So Scott's been moping around like a lost dog for a couple of days."

"So what? This is the chance you've been waiting for," Wanda said. Even though Rogue would never admit to it, she still harbored a small crush on Scott. Rogue frowned and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Ah can't."

Wanda frowned. "Why not?"

Rogue looked her friend in the eye, hesitating before continuing. "There's something you should know."

* * *

_6:30_

Magneto and the Brotherhood had long since departed the mansion. After emerging from her extremely long conversation with Rogue, Wanda spent the rest of the night shooting coy looks in Scott's direction. Not that he had noticed.

"You know you're a horrible person," Rogue told her step brother as she sat on his balcony, looking out on the glowing lights of Bayville.

"Yet you helped out. Makes you just as horrible," Kurt returned with an impish grin.

"Wanda's my friend. She better not get hurt by this. Otherwise you and Ice-Cube will be responsible."

"She won't be. The only person that will get hurt will be Scott. Can you imagine what Magneto is gonna do when he finds out?"

"Ah don't really care. Just as long as you keep your end of the bargain."

"Of course, of course," Kurt waved absently. "Besides we are doing them a service. We know how she felt about him. Given what Bobby could piece together from Jean's shouting, Scott obviously thought something about her. Just getting them together."

The two siblings sat in quiet for a long time before Rogue broke the silence.

"You realize if you would just not let Professor Xavier bet then you'd actually earn money."

"Stop confusing me with the truth!"

* * *

**_Monday_**

_4:00_

Magneto raised an eyebrow at the sight before him. Scott was dropping Wanda off. Allegedly, it was because she had been doing a project with Rogue and needed a ride back. However, there was much more to it than that simple explanation.

"Hello Daddy," Wanda said as she walked into the house.

"Why was Summers dropping you off?"

"I needed a ride back and he was the only one who could take me."

"Last time I checked he considered this house to be a general disaster zone."

Wanda shrugged. "Well, I guess he's reconsidered his decision," Wanda said, walking off. Magneto's narrowed eyes followed her. There was something very wrong with what was going on, he knew it.

Retreating to his study, he hoped to bury himself in his book. Certainly, he figured, the work would keep the specter of fear from occupying his thoughts. His attempt worked briefly. For nearly a quarter of an hour he was totally engrossed. Taking a break to untangle some of his writer block, Magneto cast a glance out the study window. What he saw did not please him.

Wanda rushed out of the house and jumped through the open top of Scott's convertible. She slid into the front seat and quickly kissed him on the cheek. Scott grinned as the car's engine roared, then the car took off down the road.

Anger boiled within Magneto. Pure, unadulterated anger. Metallic objects down the street began to bend at his rage. Golf clubs twisted into pretzels. Pots and pans suddenly imploded. Gigantic SUVs were suddenly able to fit in compact spots. Seeing the damage he was causing, Magneto took a deep breath and the shaking stopped. But there was still this disturbing matter at hand.

"Everyone! In here now!"

* * *

"So it now we must decide what to do about this development," Magneto told the assembled members of the house.

"Can't we just kill the brat?" Sabertooth asked hopefully. Magneto frowned.

"No."

"How about maiming?"

"No."

"Torture?"

"No."

"You never let me have any fun."

"Any other suggestions?"

"Are you sure we can't hurt him?" Lance pleaded.

Magneto frowned and shook his head. "Scott is like a son to Charles. If I hurt Scott, then Charles would be upset. Besides he'd probably retaliate. After all, what would I do to someone that hurt Pietro?"

"Give him a medal," Todd replied.

"Throw a parade," Fred suggested.

"Adopt him," Lance added.

"Um. Oh I know the answer to this one. Wait, it'll come to me…" John searched frantically for an answer.

"What are you morons talking about? He'd be pissed as hell," Pietro said bitterly. Lance snickered.

"Only because someone would have beaten him to the punch."

"Oh! I got it! What is propane?" There was a long pause. Magneto looked at his unstable henchman.

"John, have you been into the liquor cabinet again?"

"We have a liquor cabinet? Why wasn't I notified?" Sabertooth demanded.

"Shut up Victor. John?"

"Oh no no no. Not any of that vile alcohol today, mates. But I did find some of this lovely stuff. Came in a small bag."

"What did the bag say, John?"

"Catnip." Several pairs of eyes turned towards Sabertooth.

"Hey! You little…"

"Enough! If we could get back to the problem at hand of what to do with Summers," Magneto barked.

"Squash him?" Fred suggested.

"Slime him?"

"Rock him?"

Magneto sighed.

"How many times must I tell you Lance that you can not randomly put rock into a phrase in order to make yourself sound witty. It really is pathetic."

"But Kitty said it made me manly."

"She lied."

"You realize that the only way to do anything to Scott is to get Jean to help you," Pietro said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I was talking to Kurt. Apparently Jean dumped Scott because he was 'thinking' about Wanda. Scott was unhappy about this. So if you get Jean to help then it'll be much more effective on Scott."

"Pietro, you've given me a brilliant idea."

* * *

"Please?" 

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with sugar on top?"

"Argh!" Jean cried out. "I don't understand why you want me to get back together with Scott, but I'm not going to do it because you say so."

"But you made such a cute couple! Imagine what you'd be depriving us of! The perfect couple with the perfect relationship!" Magneto pleaded.

"If it was perfect I wouldn't have caught him fantasying about your daughter!"

"Oh come on. It was only thoughts. They can't hurt anyone."

"Those kind of thoughts can," Jean replied.

Magneto sighed. "Jean, Jean, Jean. Do you really think that you'll ever be able to have a boyfriend that won't entertain those type of notions?"

"Not to that degree. And I'm finished with this conversation. I've got a vicious test in Women's Studies to study for. Now if you'll excuse me," Jean flipped her hair over her shoulder and walked off. Magneto rubbed his chin in thought.

"Women's Studies?"

* * *

What is Magneto planning? 

How will he deal with Scott? How will he convince Jean to help him?

And how does Women's Studies play into this?

Send in those ideas!


	8. Seeing Red, Part 2

Fiona12690 – Although your idea is interesting, I think you'll like the way I did it.

Heartsyhawk – Your family is a bit odd. And I love it! That's sooo cool. I'd answer your questions, but it's more fun to keep you in the dark about all that.

Blah – Todd will have his day in the sun. Perhaps that day is today.

Thanks to Spiffythefaery for the beta work.

* * *

**Monday**

_6:30 a.m._

"I think I got it this time!" Pyro declared for the twenty-fourth time in the past ten minutes. Magneto looked over at the Australian youth, and saw the tie fastened around his forehead.

"Closer. You've got the right part of the body this time. But it goes around the neck."

"Bloody 'ell!" Pyro cried as he tore off the tie and dangled it above his lighter.

"Pyro!"

"Wot? This damn thing is making me go cuckoo."

"You are, as you so eloquently put it, cuckoo. Don't burn the tie. That's the only one you're getting." Pyro frowned as he slipped his lighter into his pocket.

"Why am I supposed to be wearing a tie anyways?"

"Because you're coming with me."

"Why?"

"Because."

"'Cause why?"

Magneto sighed as he slammed the briefcase he was looking through shut. "Because I am going to school today. And I am not leaving you here, unattended. God knows what would happen."

"Same thing that would if I had to go to school."

Magneto shrugged. "But I wouldn't be paying for the repairs."

* * *

"Now I want you to take good care of her. Under no circumstances are you to let her leave that chair," Magneto instructed Todd and Fred. 

"Again, Ms. Corbett, I apologize for these circumstances. And for the measures taken, but they are necessary."

"You said I could watch Oprah all day right?"

"Of course."

"No complaints then. Fredrick, please fetch me the remote."

"Good luck," Magneto muttered under his breath as he walked out the door.

* * *

_8:00 a.m._

The class was much quieter than usual. Although that fact could be attested to the students pouring over their notes in hopes of gleaning that last, vital piece of information for the test that would begin far too soon.

Women's studies was a difficult class, perhaps the most challenging offered at Bayville High. The girls that took the class were all empowered feminists. The guys only took the class because of the girls. Everyone, regardless of gender, performed the traditional last second cram before the test.

The student's studying was interrupted by the door to the class being thrown open. They expected their teacher to march into the room with a glare and tell them it was time for the test. Today there was no Ms. Corbett. Instead they found themselves looking at an enormous man in a black suit, black tie, and sunglasses covering his eyes. His long, blond, tattered hair fell down his back. His lips were twisted in a sneer. To those in the room who had never seen him before, he was intimidating. To those that knew him, he was Sabretooth.

Sabretooth cast a glare at the class before stepping inside. He was followed by Pyro, clad in the same black suit outfit. Pyro lacked the physical build to be intimidating but his wavy red hair clashed brilliantly with the dark suit and the bemused grin on his face conveyed his unstable mind.

Behind Pyro, carrying a briefcase and wearing a dark grey, three piece suit was Magneto. He cast a quick glance around the room, making sure that he was, in fact, in the right room. The chemistry professor had not been pleased at the interruption of the three mutants, nor at Pyro's theft of a Bunsen burner.

Recognizing some of the students in the class, namely, a dumbfounded Jean, Magneto nodded to himself. He marched to the desk and gently set his briefcase down. Pyro and Sabretooth took up positions on either side of him.

"Good morning," Magneto said to the class. "I am Erik Lehnsherr. You will not address me as Mr. Lehnsherr. You will either address me as 'Master' or 'Lord Magneto'. Understand?"

* * *

Silence descended on the class. No one was quite sure what to make of this new teacher. No one except for Jean Grey. Muttering under her breath the redhead could only look on in horror as Magneto began his class lecture. 

"Today we will be discussing relationships," he began, with a slight twinkle in his eye. "And what women expect out of their partners. Let's begin with a real world perspective. Would any girl care to offer up their expectations of a partner in life?"

Silence.

"Anyone?"

Again, nothing but silence. The twinkle grew and his lips twisted into a mischievous grin.

"Jean. Would you care to share your idea?"

"Actually, I would."

"Jean, that was not a request," Magneto returned in a honey coated voice.

"But…"

"Answer or get detention Jean. Your choice."

Grumbling to herself Jean answered the question, knowing that the rest of the period would be a living hell.

* * *

The bell rang, bringing with it the end of class and the end of Jean's embarrassment. Magneto had spent the whole class questioning her about relationships, and making sly remarks about how everything she said reminded him of a particular X-Man. 

Silently fuming, Jean waited until the rest of the class had left, leaving her alone with Magneto and his cohorts.

"What are you doing?" She hissed.

"I beg your pardon."

"What are you doing here?" Jean repeated, slamming her fists down on the desk for emphasis.

"Teaching."

"You're not qualified to teach."

"If Logan is qualified then so am I."

Jean paused. She had to admit that he was right.

"Alright. What do you want?"

"Merely to fill the minds of the children with useful information, as opposed to what they are being taught by MTV."

"And why do I feel that this has something to do with Scott going out with Wanda?"

"Scott's going out with Wanda? Victor, did you know that?"

"I knew Boss! Cause you told me…"John began, only to have Sabretooth smack his head. "What'ja do that for?"

"I want you out of here. What do you want?"

Magneto grinned. "Well, now that you mention it, I'm sure I could be –_persuaded_ – to leave my post."

Jean ground her teeth in frustration. "How?"

"Take Scott back."

"I'm not taking him back."

"Well. Then I hope you enjoyed today's class, because everyday will be like this until you do."

Jean glared daggers. Magneto smiled warmly. "Now hurry along Jean. You don't want to be late for your next class."

Silently shouting curses, Jean stormed off. Someone was going to pay for this.

* * *

Jean stormed into her chemistry class, still fuming about her confrontation with Magneto. She was going to have a long talk with the Professor when she got back. 

Her day was a long way from being done, however.

Sitting on her desk was an enormous bouquet of roses. Jean stopped in her tracks.

There had to be a mistake. She wasn't with anyone. Hesitantly she plucked at the card.

"For Jean, My Red-Haired Angel" the card read. One of Scott's nicknames for her. But he wouldn't have been behind this. He was with Wanda, wasn't he?

Dr. Essex, the chemistry teacher, slinked up to Jean. He glared down at her with his beady black eyes.

"Ms. Grey, from now on make sure that Mr. Summers gives you gifts after class." His piece said, Essex slithered to the board.

Jean looked at the flowers and frowned. What was going on?

* * *

_12:00 p.m._

By lunchtime the new substitute teacher was the talk of the school. Rumors were flying left and right.

"I heard Mark called him an albino freak. He ended up in the nurse's office."

"Really? I heard that he shot a kid for talking back."

"You're both wrong. He set the kid on fire."

"I thought that was the red head with him."

There was a palpable curiosity around the table that the X-Men shared. To this point no one had a class with the substitute, except for Jean, but she was not present.

"Has anyone heard about this new teacher?" Kitty asked as she stole some of Roberto's potato chips.

"I've heard that he's completely insane," Ray said as he stole Roberto's apple.

"He can't be that bad," Kurt said as he stole Roberto's lunch.

"What are you talking about?" Roberto asked as he approached the table holding a drink. "What happened to my lunch?"

"Blob," the table replied in unison.

"Again? That's the third time this week," he muttered as he wandered off to find more food.

"I was talking to Webber and he told me that the teacher played war games. The losers got hit with frying pans."

"Isn't corporal punishment outlawed?" Scott asked as Wanda slid into the vacant seat beside him.

"Technically it wasn't a punishment. It was motivation to win next time."

Behind his glasses Scott blinked in amazement. "Oh. Guess he found a loophole, huh?"

"I'm looking forward to class with him. Apparently he decided to play pin the tail with a student that made him mad."

"You sure you want to have class with this guy?" Wanda asked. Kitty nodded.

"Can't be worse than a Danger Room session."

* * *

Kitty, Bobby, Kurt, and Lance waited anxiously in the hall for class to start and to meet the infamous substitute teacher. The three boys were smirking wildly. 

"What is going on?"

"Nothing."

Kitty narrowed her eyes but said nothing. The four were joined by Scott.

"Sorry I was late, but Wanda…"

"Wanted to swap notes. We know," Bobby replied, his smirk growing even larger.

"Did I miss something?" Scott asked as he took a look at the grins. No one had the chance to reply to his question, as the door was flung open as Sabretooth looked down at them.

"Let's go runts. The man hasn't got all day!"

Scott froze. If Sabretooth was here, that meant…

"Now!"

"Please God, don't do this. Please, please, please!" Scott muttered to himself as he entered the classroom.

"Oh crap."

"Welcome children. I am Mr. Lehnsherr. But you will call me Magneto. Or Lord Magneto, which ever you prefer," Magneto began his lecture, with a twinkle in his eyes as he looked down at Scott.

"Now today, I thought we could discuss something a bit different." Kitty's hand shot up into the air.

"But we're due to discuss the American involvement in World War 1 today."

"I'm changing the lesson plan. Now may I move on? If that is acceptable to you Ms. Pryde," Magneto said with a harsh glare.

"Sure," Kitty squeaked. Magneto nodded.

"As I was saying, today we will look at the male perspective in relationships. Scott, why don't you give us a general outline of the woman of your dreams?"

* * *

"Did that seem odd to anyone else?" Scott asked as they left the class. Magneto had spent the entire period humiliating Scott in the same manner he embarrassed Jean. 

"Besides the fact we have a super powerful megalomaniac teaching history class?"

"Besides that. Was he acting normal to anyone?" The three other boys exchanged a quick glance.

"Depends on how you define normal, Scooter."

"Does he know about Wanda and me?"

Kurt shrugged. "No idea. He doesn't let on what he knows. Although he was telling me the other day that he figured out how to fix the gasoline crisis."

"No, that was a joke. He said that he figured out world domination," Bobby replied.

"If he figured it out then how come he hasn't done it?"

"It involved too many jackhammers."

"I thought it was sledgehammers."

"Either way he doesn't have enough."

"Oh."

There was a pause.

"I thought he was just doing to use acupuncture needles instead."

"What are you talking about?" Scott snapped irritably. "Does he know about Wanda and me?"

"Doubt it. I mean remember what he did to Roberto, Warren, and Sam?"

Scott paled considerably. "Oh crap. He's gonna kill me isn't he."

Bobby shrugged, grinning. "If he does, can I have your car?"

* * *

_4:30 p.m._

"I don't understand what you want me to do about this situation," Professor Xavier told the two teens that sat across from him.

"Get him to stop teaching," Jean replied.

"He is devoting his time to teaching as opposed to starting a war between mutants and humans. You really think I want him to stop?"

"He's just indoctrinating everyone to think his way."

"So he found a way to get more recruits. He is getting awfully lonely, with everyone coming to join us."

"But he's embarrassing us, Professor!"

"Could be worse. He told me the principal refused to let him bring in the titanium steel ruler for spankings."

"But-but-but…"

"I cannot control what Magneto does. There's no use complaining about it until he decides to leave." The tone in Xavier's voice told the two that there was no room for comment. They nodded and left the study, albeit unhappily.

"Come on, we've been through worse. We'll get through this," Scott said, although he certainly didn't believe it. Jean nodded hesitantly.

"You're right. Nothing we can do about it. Doesn't mean I have to like it though." Jean paused for a moment and started to walk down the hall towards her room. "Oh, Scott. Thanks for the flowers."

"No problem."

Jean grinned and vanished around the corner.

Scott paused and frowned. "What flowers?"

* * *

Wanda glared at her father. 

"You were at school today? Teaching?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Magneto shrugged. "I felt that I had a moral obligation to contribute to the children."

"You hate children."

"I don't hate children. I merely _dislike_ most of them."

Wanda quirked an eyebrow. "You can barely stand the six of us. How on earth could you teach?"

"I don't have to live with them. And to be fair, look at whom I live with."

"Don't you have to be pleasant?"

"That's what the principal claims, but what does he know?"

"This is going to end badly."

"What makes you say that?"

"You don't get along well when confronted with ideas you don't like."

"I do too."

"Do not."

"Prove it."

"You attacked Santa at the mall, claiming he was a bad influence for kids."

"And I was right about it, no matter what the mall security said."

"Whatever. I have someone coming over for dinner tomorrow and I want you to behave."

"I always behave."

Wanda's eyebrows rose. "If you say so."

Magneto frowned. "I don't like that tone of voice young lady."

"Just be nice, okay?"

"I make no promises."

* * *

_5:00 p.m._

"Boss, those two X-Runts are here to see you."

Magneto looked up at Sabretooth, putting aside the book he was reading. "Send them in Victor."

Kurt and Bobby entered the room and slipped down onto the chairs. Magneto looked at the two quizzically for a moment. "Where is John?"

The boys shrugged. "Didn't see him when we came in."

"Oh dear god. Victor!"

Sabretooth stumbled through the door.

"Victor, have you seen John?" Sabretooth scratched his head in confusion.

"Firebug? Haven't seen him all afternoon."

"Find him would you? Before Bayville is burned to the ground." Sabretooth nodded and left. Magneto turned his gaze back to the boys.

"What can I do for you?"

"We've figured out how to make Jean take Scott back."

"Why is he coming over tonight then?"

The boys grinned. "Because in order to do it, we need some money."

"I'm not paying you two."

"It's not for us. It's…for our business."

Magneto cast nasty glance towards the duo. "It's your problem that Charles wins all the time. You should have learned to not let psychics bet."

"But…" Kurt began, only to be cut off. Magneto pressed his fingers onto his desk.

"You have two choices. You can help me in ending Scott's relationship with my daughter willingly. Or you can choose not to help and to have Logan find out who it was that mixed vinegar into all of his beer. Your choice."

Bobby and Kurt exchanged a glance and sighed simultaneously.

"You drive a hard bargain, Mags."

Magneto responded with a grin. "Get to work."

* * *

**Tuesday**

_7:00 p.m._

Scott killed the car's engine. Letting out a sigh, he turned his gaze to the house before him. Not for the first time that day had he wondered how bad of an idea this was.

"I'm so dead," he muttered to himself. "Might as well get it over with."

Bringing himself up to his full height, Scott smoothed out his suit and straightened his tie. Despite the fact he had been extremely nervous about this, the indications he had gotten from Magneto over the past few days were that he knew nothing about Wanda's relationship.

Grasping a small bouquet of flowers, Scott ran his finger over the card. His thoughts went back to the note that he had found on his desk earlier that day. It was unsigned but it was in Jean's handwriting and used phrases that only Jean knew. Was she telling him something? Pushing the red head from his thoughts, he strode towards the front door and calmly knocked.

Two bulbous yellow eyes peered down at Scott from the darkness above the door. Steal his girl would he? Todd grinned and lifted the extremely heavy can up. With a quick flick of his wrist he removed the top and pushed.

Scott was barely able to get his hands up to protect himself. The can emptied its contents over him. Scott looked in horror at his ruined suit. Although he could not see what exactly had been done due to his ever present ruby red glasses, he knew that it was bad. The once black suit was now splattered in neon yellow, the same neon yellow that covered Scott's face and hair. To top it all off, it was at this moment that Sabretooth opened the door.

"You're not coming in here looking like that. I just cleaned the place," he huffed indignantly.

"But…" Scott stammered.

"Don't 'but' me, boy. I ain't letting neon paint in my house."

"Since when has it been your house?" Wanda asked as she pushed her way past the massive body of Sabretooth. She took a quick look at Scott before erupting.

"TOAD!"

"You called snugglebumps?" Todd asked as he hopped into the hallway.

"Why did you dump paint on Scott?"

Todd put on the most innocent look he could manage, which is to say a very guilty one. "I didn't do anything."

"You were dragging a gallon of paint yesterday and Father lectured you on why we can't have paint in the house."

"He did? Why?"

"Because it's flammable!" At these words John bolted to the front door with a lighter in his grasp.

"Where's the flammable? Where? Where?" John spotted Scott.

"There it is!" A spark jumped from the lighter.

Flames were instant.

* * *

**Thursday**

_3:00 p.m._

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Scott called out weakly. He was in forced bed rest since the accident with Pyro. The door creaked open and Magneto entered.

"Feeling better, I hope," he began as he sat down next to the bed.

"What are you doing here?" Scott tried to ask. However his inability to move his lips made the question sound like "Wha ahh eww oig ere?"

Fortunately Magneto was able to decipher the meaning. "Merely checking in on my daughter's boyfriend."

"You're going to kill me then? Put me out of my misery," Scott attempted. Magneto chuckled.

"Of course not. Actually I was going to throw a party for you as soon as you got better."

"What?"

"I don't mind you going out with Wanda. In fact I'm rather glad."

"What?"

"You see Scott, you date Wanda, and you marry Wanda. You become my son-in-law. You become my heir, the person who is entitled to everything that is in my name. You take over for me in leading the cause. I couldn't imagine a better replacement, a better person to call 'son.'"

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"Then I'll take my leave. Should I send Jean in?"

"Jean?" Magneto grinned and nodded.

"Goodbye Scott. Get better soon."

* * *

_8:00 p.m._

Logan threw open the door to the study and marched in. Inside was the faculty of the Institute, plus Magneto, and they all clenched a drink in their hands.

"Jean hasn't left in five hours," Logan growled as he snatched up a glass of whiskey.

"I suppose that means they are back together," Hank commented as he downed another glass of wine.

"Another success, Erik," Charles said as he raised his glass.

"I must say, this time was difficult. But another victory."

"I wonder how Wanda is going to take it?"

* * *

_10:00 p.m._

"I hate you!"

"What did I do?"

Wanda glared daggers at her father. "You know exactly what you did."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Scott broke up with me!"

Magneto paused, trying not to smile. "I had nothing to with it Wanda. I never do."

"Oh, so Scott was actually writing Jean love letters? Jean was actually writing back? Scott was buying flowers for her?"

"I didn't do any of that."

"It reeks of you."

"Wanda, I wouldn't stoop to such backhanded measures. If I had wanted Scott to break up with you I would have…" Magneto trailed off, trying to find an example.

"Had Pyro set him on fire?" Wanda offered. Magneto nodded.

"Exactly. Had Pyro set him – oh crap."

"I knew it! You bastard! I hate you!"

* * *

**Sunday**

_(9:00 p.m.)_

"And she hasn't talked to me ever since," Magneto said, finishing his story. "No doubt she's planning something. And I have suspicion that Pietro is helping her, since I haven't seen him in a week."

Mystique was caught up on another fact, however. "You taught school."

"Oh shut up, Raven. The school has already called me three times to get me to come back. How I hate that place."

Mystique chuckled and shook her head. "What can I say? Kids."

Magneto nodded. "I know. I hate them too."

* * *

Another victory for Magneto. 

But Wanda seems to have caught on. What will she do?

Who will she bring home next?

Do send in those ideas.


	9. Cajuns and Overlords Don't Mix

SperryDee – No Morlock this chapter. But I'm sure one will come soon.

DhampyrX2 – The blue elf huh? You'll definitely see that chapter, given all the requests for that Wandurt action.

UncannyAsianGirl – Lots to respond to huh? I did get your suggestion, but I got them after the chapter was betaed and I was too lazy to put in a response at that point. Sorry about that. It is a good idea, and one I intend to use later. No one is out of the running. I dare say almost everyone will get a crack at Wanda. As for the group I did know about that, and am quite honored by being placed there. I've tried to subscribe to the group several times with no success for some reason. I also noted, if I'm reading the created list correctly, that I was the first story in said group. As my good friend Yoda would say "Honored I am, yes. Eh-hehehehe."

Thanks to Spiffythefaery for the beta work.

* * *

**Thursday**

_8:00 p.m._

It was a standoff and they both knew it. The two opponents stood in the hall, each leveling a harsh glare at the other.

When Magneto had assigned rooms to the house, he had given the twins the bedrooms by the master bedroom. This meant that the family would be in closer proximity and the twins had to share a bathroom.

Wanda was closer, but given Pietro's ability, that was easily negated. But there was a chance, infinitesimal as it might seem, that Wanda could get a hex off before Pietro could speed past her.

"The bathroom is mine, brother," Wanda growled dangerously.

"No way, sis. It's mine."

"I don't see your name on it."

"It's right there!" Pietro pointed to the door, which did have his name carved on it. **_1_**

"Why don't you be a gentleman for once in your life and let the lady go first?"

"As soon as you show one to me, I will."

"I need to use it."

"But you take so long! And I've got a date in an hour."

"You aren't the only one."

Pietro was taken aback. "Really? Does father know?"

"All he cares about is his poker game tonight," Wanda said as a blue bolt zapped Pietro backward.

"Curses! Foiled again!"

* * *

"Would you take off that ridiculous helmet?"

"I'll do no such thing."

"But it looks so stupid. You're wearing a suit and your helmet."

"I find it necessary for tonight's activities."

"We are playing poker!"

"Exactly."

There was a brief pause.

"What are you insinuating?"

"I insinuate nothing. You cheat."

"I do not!"

"For all your morals Charles, when it comes to money and cards, you cheat."

"I resent that unfounded accusation."

"Resent it all you want. It's still true."

"Logan and Remy never complain."

"Remy and Logan lose their money to you."

Again, silence.

"You're one to talk. You're permanently banned from Nevada for that incident with the roulette table."

"I never said there was anything wrong with cheating. I'm just not going to let you cheat against me."

"I hate you."

* * *

**Friday**

_8:00 p.m._

Having won a significant amount of money from Charles at the poker game the previous night, Magneto decided to mollify his friend by taking him out to dinner. That had gone pleasant enough, although he suspected Charles had given him a splitting headache in vengeance. He had always been a miserable loser. All he wanted at this point in time was some aspirin and to go to sleep.

What he got is another story.

"Bonjour," a Cajun tinted accent greeted Magneto as he entered the kitchen. He straightened immediately and brought a harsh glare in the speaker's direction.

"What are you doing here?"

"Moi? Remy here to take de pretty fille." Magneto shook his head violently. He never understood a damn thing the Cajun said.

"What?"

"Remy!" John cried as he burst into the kitchen and jumped into Remy's arms. "Didja get Johnny a coming home present?"

"'Course Remy did. But Pietro has it. Go ask him."

"What is it?"

"If Remy tell you dat, den it wouldn't be a surprise."

"Is it propane?"

"Maybe. You have to find Pietro to find out."

John scurried out of the room.

"You got him propane?"

"Calm down Mags. Remy ain't stupid. It's just an empty case of tic-tacs with propane written on the side."

"What are you doing here Remy? I thought we had an agreement. You'd avoid me. I wouldn't kill you."

"Remy tried to stay away. But de femme, she pull Remy back in."

"The femme? Wanda?"

"Let Remy tell you something, she's a special one."

"Thank you for that remark Captain Obvious. You're taking her out on a date?"

"Come on Remy. Let's go!" Wanda squealed as she burst into the kitchen and planted a kiss on Remy's cheek. Before Magneto had any chance to speak, Wanda dragged him out of the kitchen and out of the house.

Magneto blinked at the blur that had become his daughter. She was going out with Remy? It must have been his headache!

Muttering to himself about hallucinations, Magneto walked outside, only to find the rest of the house using the swimming pool.

Todd was crouched on the makeshift lily pad, his slimy tongue darting in and out of his mouth to catch unfortunate flies. Lance and Pietro were engaged in a water battle, with full use of mutant powers. Sabertooth looked remarkably like a wet cat - and smelled like one to. As for Fred, Magneto could only hope that he was actually wearing a bathing suit. It was impossible to see anything underneath his rolls of fat. Pyro splashed happily with floaties strapped around his arms and a duck inter-tube around his waist.

"Wanda's going out with Remy? Pyro is happily in water? I definitely need to get some sleep."

Magneto, muttering to himself, did just that.

* * *

**Saturday**

_8:00_

Coffee was good. No, coffee was great. In fact, if Magneto had his say, coffee would be the fifth greatest invention of all time. Clutching a cup of the fresh brewed, black drink of the gods, Magneto couldn't help but feel slightly confused about the night before.

He was certain that he had been hallucinating. Not only did he see Wanda going out with Remy, but he could have sworn that he saw Logan and Sabretooth playing Mr. Potato Head. That was, until Sabretooth ate Mrs. Potato Head.

"Only a bad dream. Nothing more," the former mutant overlord muttered to himself as he took another sip of coffee. He sighed contently, enjoying the rare quiet that had taken hold of the house.

"Come on, we need to get you out of here before Father wakes up and finds out," Wanda said as she pushed Remy into the kitchen. The former was dressed in a bath robe and Remy was hastily pulling on his trench coat. The two teenagers saw Magneto (dressed in his black silk pajamas and red robe, complete with purple trimmings) and completely froze.

"Before Father finds out what?" Magneto growled.

"Nothing," Remy spat out as quickly as he could. He really didn't like the look he was receiving. Magneto remained silent, his eyes blazing.

"Don't blow a circuit. We just got back really late last night and Remy didn't feel that it was safe to drive back the Institute," Wanda said.

Magneto's eyes narrowed. He knew Remy's reputation. "Oh?"

"Honest. Remy and de petite didn't do nothing."

"Really? Then what's this?" Magneto said as he grabbed some rather racy undergarments from Remy's coat pocket.

Remy froze; his eyes went wide with shock. "Remy never seen dose before."

"You have until ten to leave my sight or I will make sure you never have children."

"Now, now Magsie, no need to be hasty."

"One."

"Come on Mags. Remy wouldn't lie to you."

"Two."

"Wanda, help Remy here."

"Ten!" The kitchen shuddered as knives of all kind shot into the air. There were innumerable types: big knives, small knives, sharp knives, blunt knives, and they were all headed in the same direction.

Remy squealed and leapt out the kitchen window. He was followed by the airborne army intent on castration.

"Father!" Wanda glared.

Magneto shrugged. "I said until ten. I never said I was counting to ten."

Wanda hmphed and marched off. Magneto grinned into his coffee as he glimpsed out the window and saw Remy running down the street, closely trailed by the knives.

* * *

**_1_** – A reference to that greatest of shows, the Simpsons.

Poor Remy.

Who's next?

Do send in those ideas.


	10. From Russia with Love And Pain

Heartyshawk – Happy ending? At the moment my beta and I have a serious disagreement about the ending. But it's so far away that I'm not thinking about the ending at the moment. Just the chapter.

UncannyAsianGirl – I've read Kizmet's fics. I really like them. And I'll have you know that the only reason I made that request was because it's freaking hilarious. Not just funny, but hilarious! In order to maintain the aura of surprise I decline to answer most of your questions, to either prevent spoilers or because I can't. But answers will come to some, in one form or another.

Betaed by the bestest beta ever Spiffythefaery! (we'll see if she catches that mistake! Or is it a mistake?)

Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men: Evolution or any of the characters. If I did, it'd still be on the air. Stupid WB. Can't do anything right.

* * *

_Sunday_

_7:30 p.m._

"I'm going to Xavier's."

Sabretooth looked up from the ball of yarn he was playing with. "Does it look like I care?"

Wanda sighed. "I was telling you in case Father asked."

"Go tell him yourself."

"I would if I could find him. But I can't and I need to go. So if he asks will you just tell him where I went?"

"Tell who?"

"Father!"

"What?" Magneto barked as he entered the house.

"I'm going to Xavier's."

Magneto looked at his daughter with a raised eyebrow. "In that?"

True, Wanda was wearing a tank top with her sports bra visible and extremely short shorts, but she waved this fact away.

"I'm going to work out."

"Why?"

Wanda had no time to answer the question as Lance threw open the front door with a shout. "John's trying to strangle Todd again!"

Magneto turned and flew out the door. Deciding that he did not object, not that Wanda would have cared anyway, she proceeded out of the house. She was stopped by her brother's smirking face.

"You know everyone else in our family doesn't have to go to a gym pick someone up."

"Well we can't all be as talented as you," Wanda sneered.

"Or as handsome."

"But then again, some of us don't pay for it."

"That's Fred, thank you very much."

"You sure? You look identical at some times," Wanda said with a laugh, leaving her brother to stutter in anger.

* * *

_9:30_

When Wanda returned home she was greeted by quite a sight. John was attempting to strangle Todd with the amphibious mutant's own tongue.

"He ate them!"

"John, let Todd go!" Magneto demanded.

"He killed them! Swallowed them up!"

"He eats bugs, always has."

"But he shouldn't eat those bugs!"

Magneto sighed. "John, simply because they are called fireflies does not mean they can actually create fire."

John blinked and looked at Magneto, but did not release Todd. "Huh?"

"Come on John. I'll give you your lighter and explain," Magneto said as he held out the peace offering. John snatched the lighter up as Todd's tongue snapped violently back into his mouth.

"Ouch," Todd whined. Magneto cast a disgusted glance at the boy.

"Next time I'll let him finish it."

* * *

_Thursday_

_4:30 p.m._

"She did WHAT?"

Bobby and Kurt both nodded, unaffected by Magneto's outburst. "Asked him yesterday when they were working out."

"So that's why she's been going over there everyday of the past week, to talk with him."

"Got it in one," Bobby replied, which earned him a nasty glare.

Magneto sat in silence for a few moments before a sinister chuckle escaped from his lips. "This will not be difficult. Let him come."

"Wait, you want him to take Wanda out?"

"When I'm finished with him he won't be able to get out the door with her at his side."

"Giant can opener?"

"Devious, but no."

"Rust him over?"

"Evil, but no."

"Then what?"

"You'll find out tomorrow evening. And now, if you'll excuse me, Sabretooth has some work to do."

* * *

_Friday_

_5:00 p.m._

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh yes you do, Kurt Wagner, and you're going to tell me or else," Wanda said with as much venom as she could muster.

"Or else what?"

"We'll find out what you look like without the fur."

If Kurt had not been covered head to toe with said blue fur, he would have been pale. "I would, honestly, but I have no idea."

"You and Bobby are always in on his schemes."

"Nein. He never gives us specifics unless he needs us."

"Then what is he planning?"

"No idea. He said he'd take care of everything himself."

"Then you'd better make sure what's he's planning doesn't work."

"Why?"

"I'll hex you into next week and melt Ice-Boy."

"Wanda, don't threaten Kurt," Magneto said as he walked into the kitchen. Kurt gulped audibly and vanished in puff of sulfur.

Wanda scowled. "You do."

"No, I blackmail him. There's a fundamental difference," Magneto replied with a grin. "Shouldn't you be changing? Won't this mysterious boyfriend be here in thirty minutes?"

"Be nice to this one."

"I'm always nice."

"About as nice as a pit-bull."

Magneto had no chance to respond to this comment as Todd threw open the door and prostrated himself on the ground before Magneto, his hands grasping the elder man's knees.

"Save me. Please save me."

"I told you not to eat the damn fireflies!"

"I didn't! I swear!"

Fred rumbled into the kitchen, his face scarlet with anger. He cast his gaze upon Todd and bellowed, "You took my sandwich!"

Magneto took one glance at Fred. "Todd, you're on your own."

* * *

_6:00_

Piotr tugged at the neck of his suit, feeling extremely uncomfortable in the formal wear. Going to the lion's den was bad enough but doing so in an uncomfortable outfit made the situation much worse.

This would be the first time since Magneto had left him in Egypt that he would be in the presence of his former "employer." He was certain that it would not be pleasant, but he had to try, for Wanda's sake.

Ringing the doorbell, Piotr took a deep breath. This was it. The door opened with a squeak, Sabretooth peered around it.

"You? What are you doing here?"

"I am here to have dinner with Magneto."

Sabretooth raised a massive eyebrow. "I thought you hated him."

"I do."

"And I thought he despised you."

"He does."

"Oh. Sounds like it'll be fun then." The door swung ajar to grant Piotr admittance.

"Piotr!" Wanda shouted with delight as she leapt into his arms and planted a kiss on his cheek. Despite himself, Piotr began to blush furiously. He set Wanda down on the ground and touched his lips to her cheek.

"Wanda, it is always a pleasure."

"Where is your father?"

"In the dining room. Come on."

* * *

"Ah, welcome Piotr. I trust you are well?" 

"Yes."

"Good. Sit, sit. The other boys will be joining us in a moment." Piotr and Wanda sat down, each casting a wary glance at Magneto.

They made pleasant conversation for a short time which was interrupted by the appearance of the rest of the house, all carrying boxes.

"Where'd you want these?" Lance asked.

"Just set them down in here and join us. Dinner is getting cold."

The boxes were piled in the corner of the room, directly in Piotr's line of sight. The Russian went completely rigid. His eyes burned.

Wanda did not notice his reaction.

Magneto did.

Dinner proceeded smoothly enough with Piotr contributing very little to the conversation. His lack of comments had become noticeable, which was something considering he rarely talked. It was about half way through the dinner that his anguish became noticeable.

"NO! I will not do it!" Piotr shouted at the top of his lungs. Everyone looked at the Russian. Half of his face was normal, the other half had transformed into his metallic Colossus state.

The metal half of his face responded. "You know you want to."

"I will not."

"But they ask for it. Listen to them. They call for us."

"I must resist."

"But the boxes need to be moved. Without us, they sit there, in pain."

"They are not real. And neither are you!"

"Not real? I'll show you not real!" Piotr's left hand, which was now metal, slapped his face.

"How dare you?" The right hand slapped the metallic side of his face.

"You strike me? Submit or face the consequences, Piotr! Move the boxes!"

"I will not submit to you, Colossus! I am my own person."

"You belong to me!" The metal fist struck Piotr in the face, knocking him backwards out of his chair.

"Tonight we end this!"

"Agreed!" Both hands ripped off his suit and shirt to reveal that the entire left half of his body had gone metal. Fists reigned down upon himself, landing blow after blow.

"Father, stop him!"

"I've always wanted dinner and a show."

Meanwhile, Piotr's right hand had caught his left. "Let go of me Piotr!"

"Never Colossus! I shall defeat you!"

"You weak fool. You belong to me!"

"No, you belong to me!" The hands unclasped and crossed to deliver backhanded punches to his face. The blows landed simultaneously. Piotr's face crunched up and a few teeth were sent flying. His eyes rolled up into his head and he collapsed on the floor, unconscious.

Magneto got up and gently poked Piotr with his boot. "We had better get him back to Xavier's. He'll need some medical attention," Magneto said as he turned to glance at Wanda.

"All right, I get it! He's insane and I'll break up with him as soon as he is conscious."

"That's my girl. Sabretooth! Get this carcass out of my house!"

* * *

Who's next? 

Do send in those ideas and reviews!


	11. DeSpyked

Kerrbear – Sorry about the delay. I'm a slow updater. Always have been. As for your suggestion, I don't get it.

MagCat – Piotr suffered from Split Personalities. Kinda like Gollum.

Thanks to Spiffythefaery for the beta work.

* * *

_Monday_

_8:30 p.m._

Lance frowned as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. Personally, he didn't like what was going on. He knew that it was not going to go over well at home and he hated that he was an accomplice. But by lending a helping hand he was getting a chance to see Kitty more often, so things balanced out.

Until Magneto found out, that is.

Drumming his fingers anxiously to the beat pulsing through his stereo, Lance wondered if Magneto was the least of his worries. Certainly there were others who would be more opposed than him.

Lance was brought out of his reverie by Wanda jumping into the front seat.

"Well?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. Lance understood and the engine revved to life.

"Enjoy your day?"

"It was fine," Wanda responded curtly, her tone not inviting further questions. Lance nodded and thrust his foot down on the gas.

The engine of his old, weather worn Jeep roared. Lance frowned, hoping that Wanda would cover up the long scar on her arm.

* * *

_9:00 p.m._

"Ms. Scarlet, in the kitchen, with the candlestick!" John declared loudly.

"For the last time, it isn't the candlestick!" Todd screeched in reply. Somehow Todd had managed to convince Fred and John to join him in a game of Clue. The three had been at it for quite some time, and John was convinced that the murder weapon was the candlestick, despite being shown the card.

"That's what she wants you to think."

Todd smacked himself in the face. What had he been thinking when he asked John to join him?

"I've been thinking Todd," Fred said. "Maybe he's on to something."

"On to what? There is no hidden conspiracy theory here! It's just a game."

"It's more than that. It's an adventure!"

"John, it's a game. And it's not Ms. Scarlet. It's not the kitchen. And it's definitely not the candlestick."

"Says you!"

"For heaven's sake! Enough of this incorrigible racket!" Magneto declared as he marched into the living room. "I told you to keep it down."

"Sorry but John is getting out of control."

Magneto turned towards John. "Must I make an example out of Jasmine?"

The prospect of losing another lighter was not appealing to John. "No, no, no. No need for an example. I'll be good. I promise."

Magneto nodded, satisfied with the answer. "Has anyone seen Wanda?"

The boys shrugged. "Not for a while."

"She must be at Xavier's. Let me know when she comes in."

"Sure thing."

"It's Mr. Green. Except Ms. Scarlet is framing him!" Fred declared victoriously. Todd's eyes bulged in frustration. Magneto sighed audibly.

"I think you've been playing this too long. How about you try something more to your level, like Connect-Four?"

"Fred ate the pieces."

"For the last time, Pietro told me they were cookies!"

"You keep falling for that."

"They still tasted good."

"Enough! Just try to play another game in silence."

"But we haven't finished this one yet," Todd objected.

"It's Colonel Mustard, in the Library, with the wrench," Magneto replied as he marched off. Todd scrambled for the correct cards and took a peek in.

"How does he do that?"

* * *

_9:45 p.m._

Lance was tired. He had been driving all around Bayville the last couple of hours and all he wanted was to go to sleep.

What he was getting was an inquisition. Magneto had taken him into the office and began a series of questions. Rather random questions. Lance had no idea what was going on.

"Lance, where were you tonight?"

"Out."

"There is no need to be so vague with me. I have little interest in where you where."

"But you want to know where I picked up Wanda?"

"Exactly."

Lance paused. He could cover for Wanda but at what cost?

"I don't think it's my place to say."

Magneto frowned at this. "Either you tell me or I dismantle your Jeep."

Lance loved that Jeep. It was his pride and joy. He caved.

* * *

_9:47:21 p.m._

The night was calm and serene. Until a lot shout split the air.

"A SEWER!"

* * *

Magneto threw open the door to Wanda's room. She looked up at him, completely startled. 

"A SEWER?"

"What?"

"Your boyfriend lives in a sewer? What the hell are you thinking?"

"What's your problem?"

"Among other things, the fact that you've been coming home with scars every day for the past week! And your boyfriend lives in a sewer!"

"He can't exactly come above ground!"

"Why not?"

"He's wanted!"

"Really? This sounds promising at least. Go on."

"You know him. At least Pietro does."

"Oh God no. Please no. Wanda you aren't that foolish. What could have driven you to such insanity? Evan Daniels?"

"He's nice. He knows a lot and he treats me really well."

"Of course he does. He lives in a sewer. He hangs out with rats. And Caliban."

"You know Caliban?"

"We've met. Creepy little thing. Sings to himself. Has a pet crocodile." **1**

"Back to Evan, I want to keep going out with him."

"Go out where? The garbage dump is a vacation to him."

"I'm going out with Evan. And I need to study, so if you don't mind," Wanda said, motioning for her father to leave. Magneto complied, muttering to himself.

"We'll see about that."

* * *

"I'm going to kill him. No wait. First I'm going to kill her, and then I'll kill him. Evan Daniels?" Pietro sputtered in anger. 

"I know."

"Evan Daniels? My archnemisis? The bane of my existence?"

"I know."

"What is she thinking?"

"I don't know."

"I don't know why she started it. But by god I'm going to end it." With that Pietro zipped out of the house as a blur. Magneto grinned.

* * *

_Tuesday_

_9:00 a.m._

Ororo Munroe liked her garden. It was her special, happy place. It was sacred. It was her shrine, her temple. Most importantly, it was completely off limits to the rest of the mansion.

Thus it came as a great surprise to her when she found a visitor waiting for her.

"What are you doing here? Charles is downstairs."

Magneto shook his head. "I'm not here to speak with Charles. I'm here to talk with you."

Ororo raised an eyebrow. She didn't talk to Magneto. Charles talked to Magneto. Hank talked to Magneto. Logan shared alcohol with Magneto.

"Alright. But watch that cape of yours. Goddess help you if it snags on a plant in here. Speaking of which, why are earth are you wearing that outfit?"

Magneto shrugged. "Sabretooth did the wash. Everything is coming out pink."

"Oh. So what do you want?"

"We need to discuss your nephew."

"Evan? What about him?"

"Normally I wouldn't be this accommodating but I'm willing to make an exception, considering that he is your nephew."

Ororo cast Magneto a look of confusion mixed with apprehension.

"What has he been up to?"

"I'm not quite sure. But, how to phrase this, I believe he and Wanda have become _close_."

"What?"

"You understand the delicate situation that this puts us in. I can't allow this to continue. It's unhygienic."

"In a sewer? Completely."

"At any rate, I was hoping that we could figure out what to do about this situation."

Ororo nodded and chewed her lip thoughtfully. "I'll take care of it."

"As you wish."

"Magneto, if I deal with Evan, I trust you'll leave him alone. I don't want him to go through what the others have."

"I make no promises."

"What?"

"Deal with the boy. Or I will deal with him myself. And that is assuming that Pietro doesn't get to him first."

* * *

_11:00 a.m._

Evan was relaxing in the sewers that the Morlocks called home. Although it was dark, dank, and reeked, it was comforting to the young mutant at this moment. He had just finished sentry duty and was watching the antics of the rest of the Morlocks, his attention riveted by Torpid and thus, he was completely oblivious to Callisto's approach.

"Spyke," she said. Evan blinked and turned his gaze to face the weather worn woman.

"What's up?"

Callisto frowned, her single eye narrowed. "You have a guest."

"A guest? It's too early for Wanda to be here."

"Evan Daniels! What are you thinking?" Ororo shouted as she marched up to her nephew, Scaleface and Lucid trailing behind.

"You were supposed to keep her outside the base." Callisto said, irritated.

"Hey, I'm not gonna be responsible for holding off a pissed off Storm by myself," Lucid replied.

"Besides, she threatened him with lightning bolts in the posterior," Scaleface added. Callisto frowned but nodded.

"Auntie O! What are you doing down here?" Evan replied.

"Trying to stop you from getting killed!"

"I don't understand."

"Wanda Maximoff? Are you mad?"

"What's wrong with Wanda?"

"Should we help the kid out?" Lucid asked. Callisto shook her head.

"The weather witch and I agree on this one. Not only does she jeopardize security but do you want Magneto coming down here?"

"As long as he puts a shock collar on Sabretooth I don't care."

"She's Magneto's daughter!"

"Wanda's her own person. She is nothing like Magneto."

"Wanda is not the problem. The problem is what you may be up to and the fact that she's Magneto's daughter."

"Auntie O," Evan whined.

"Don't you Auntie O me, young man. Since your mother isn't here it's my place to teach you about what happens when the birds and the bees are out and about."

"I know about that!"

"That's what they all say. But more importantly, you have no idea what is going to happen to you if you keep this relationship up."

"What?"

"Magneto doesn't like it when Wanda dates and he breaks them up, using rather painful means."

Evan paled. "Painful?"

"Sam ended up in an insane asylum, Roberto had fifty six cars, twelve motorcycles, and seven big rigs thrown at him, Warren was tarred and feathered, Scott was set on fire, Remy narrowly avoided castration, and Piotr had a mental breakdown and ended up on the Jersey Turnpike."

"I'm in trouble."

"You have no idea. End it now and save yourself."

Evan shook his head. "I can't do that. I'm not backing down."

Ororo pleaded with him for another hour before she left, having failed in her mission.

* * *

_1:21 p.m._

After Ororo had left, Evan had spent the rest of the day in deep thought. Would Magneto really come after him? Did he make the right decision? His thoughts were interrupted by the sudden appearance of Caliban.

"You wanted to see me?" the scaled mutant hissed, lengthening the 's.'

"Can you locate Magneto?"

"Why does everyone always want me to find Magneto? I can find every mutant on the planet but one, who do they all want to find? I've had it up to here with these insults!"

"Caliban! I'm not making fun of you. I'm just wondering if he's really going to kill me for going out with Wanda."

Caliban paused. "Most definitely. When does, can I have your skateboard?"

* * *

_1:27 p.m._

Evan never knew what hit him. It had been far too easy for Pietro to sneak up behind the boy and knock him out. Now all that had to be done was for Pietro to drag him to his destination.

"Take my sister out will you?" Pietro spat at the unconscious body.

* * *

_6:00 p.m._

"Where have you been all day, Pietro?"

"Taking care of Wanda's problem?"

"Really? What have you been up to?"

"Let me put it this way. The vet had never seen such an unusual pet."

"The vet?"

"Listen, you've always said that when you get a pet you have to have it neutered and declawed. So I followed your advice."

"That's horrible. I love it!"

The door to the house was thrown open as Wanda stormed in. She glared daggers at her father.

"You are an evil man."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You brought Evan to the vet where he was de-spiked and had a little operation."

"As much as I want to take credit for it, I can't. Pietro did it."

"Pietro!" Wanda screeched. Before the speed demon could react, a blue glow enveloped a candlestick. The candlestick flung itself at Pietro, striking him in the back of the head. He collapsed.

"Hm. It was Ms. Scarlet with the candlestick in the kitchen," Todd remarked as he poked Pietro. Magneto chuckled.

"I'm not through with you."

"I had nothing to do with it young lady. Face the facts, Evan Daniels was a bad choice. You knew it wouldn't work it. Move on. He will. Once he recovers."

"If he recovers."

"Don't worry. The Morlocks have a talented healer amongst their numbers. He'll be fine. Have a lot of scars, but fine."

Wanda glared at her father. "I hate you."

Magneto sighed as he looked at the unconscious Pietro. "Why did I have children?"

* * *

**1 **– Reference to the great comedy "Teacher Training" by the wonderful Toddfan. If you haven't read that story, I highly recommend you do. 

Done boy bites the dust.

Who's next?

Do send in those reviews with ideas.


	12. Fuzzy, Was He?

Xmengirlzrule – An important fact you'll want to remember: boys never learn.

Thanks to Spiffythefaery for all the hard work she does. If you could call editing my stories hard work.

* * *

_Wednesday_

_6:00 pm_

Magneto looked down at the green, bubbling liquid with interest. "What exactly will this prove?"

Henry McCoy gently tapped a vial of an orange solution. "It is my intention to find out what makes Twinkies so tasty."

Magneto pulled his protective goggles down. "Couldn't you just read the ingredients off the box?"

"If I wanted to do it the boring way," Hank replied as he used an eyedropper to suck up the orange fluid. Magneto took a few steps back.

"I'm not sure that this is a good idea, Hank."

"Nonsense. What's the worst that could happen?" Hank asked as he liberally applied the orange solution to the green, bubbling thing.

A bright flash of light was accompanied by a loud crack , followed by the foul stench of rotten eggs. Magneto slowly rose from under the desk where he had sought protection.

"Did you always have bright yellow polka-dots?"

If looks could kill, Hank would have slain Magneto on the spot. "Har-har-har."

Hank turned to look at the black ash that was once a set of test tubes. "Perhaps I used too much neon. What do you think?"

"I think you should read the damn box. This is the sixth time this week you've blown up your lab."

Hank waved away the comment. "All in the name of progress. Now what did you come over here for?"

"I was looking for those two juvenile imbeciles."

"Bobby and Kurt? What they'd do?"

"Actually, I was referring to my children."

"Oh. What'd they do?"

"They were giggling at dinner."

"Giggling?" Hank asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes. Giggling is not allowed during mealtimes!"

"Well I'm sure they are around somewhere. I'd check with Rogue first. Although she hasn't been home much lately."

"Why not?"

Hank shrugged. "I haven't been paying too much attention to the students lately, except for Bobby's theft of my Twinkies."

"I'm pretty sure Logan just blamed him for it."

"Oh, he took them. And until I get sufficient retribution, he'll suffer. Oh yes! Mwhahaha!"

Magneto cast a frightened look at Hank before running for his life.

* * *

"Where are all the children, Charles?" 

"Out shopping, I would imagine."

"Shopping? For what?"

"There's a rhythmic ceremonial ritual coming up." **1**

"Just once, would it kill you to speak English?"

"School dance."

"Dance?"

"Oh, don't give me that look Erik. It wasn't my idea. You'd think these kids would learn. At the last one, evil other dimension dinosaur thingies showed up. To be fair, Forge was involved in that one. This time I'm making sure he's safely locked away without that doohickey of his."

"Dance?"

"Yes, Erik. A dance. You have been to them before. You go with a date."

"A date?" Magneto began to look terrified.

"Well one could go by themselves, but it is frowned upon. Only social outcasts go by themselves."

"Date? They need dates for this? But then that means…" Magneto trailed off. There was no need to finish his sentence. Xavier smiled at his friend.

"Don't worry. I'm well prepared. I've got scotch!"

* * *

_8:00 pm_

Wanda looked at her father with a weary eye. He had been acting rather odd since he rounded everyone up from Xavier's.

"I fail to see why I should have to tell you anything."

"Because I'm your father."

"So what?" Wanda's eyes locked with Magneto's . He frowned. He was going to have to try a different approach.

"If you were going to go, I was going to offer to buy you a new dress. But if you don't want one…"

His comments had struck a chord. No girl in the world could resist the opportunity to buy a brand new, fancy dress and have their father pay for the whole thing without complaint.

"I'm going. I just don't have a date yet."

Magneto's eyebrows rose slightly. "Really?"

* * *

_Thursday_

_3:30 pm_

"Well?" Magneto asked the boys sitting across from him.

"So far, no one, but I bet that someone asks her tomorrow," Bobby answered.

"Someone she is likely to accept?"

"Considering what you've done, I think she'd accept if Todd asked," Lance chimed in. Magneto sent him a scathing look.

"Don't even consider it."

Todd scowled but remained silent.

"I believe that I have reached a solution to this dilemma," Magneto declared as he steepled his fingers in an eerily disturbing imitation of Xavier. "Instead of not preventing someone from asking Wanda to the dance, I shall pick someone to accompany her. Someone I know I can trust. Someone who has no romantic interest in her. Someone who will not fail me."

"Love to but can't. I'm permanently banned from all school functions after I superglued Kelly to the dumpster," Bobby replied nonchalantly. Magneto shook his head.

"No, I was thinking of him."

"But I've already got a date!" Kurt protested.

"And I care because…?'

"Oh come on! Amanda's been looking forward to this for months!"

"Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. You misunderstand me. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you."

"And if I say no?"

Magneto sighed. "Have you ever wondered what would happen if your mother found out about you dating a human girl?"

Kurt's eyes widened. "You wouldn't."

"I'd rather not but you are giving me little choice."

Kurt slumped forward. "Alright, you win."

Magneto grinned in triumph. "Excellent. Now go ask Wanda and don't worry about Amanda; I'll take care of her."

* * *

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" 

"She can't go," Kurt replied.

"Did my father put you up to this?"

Kurt gave no verbal reply. Not that Wanda needed any. She sighed audibly. "I guess it'll work out in everyone's best interests if I just say yes and it's probably the only way I'm going to get asked to go. Alright Kurt."

* * *

"You're going with Kurt? How delightful!" 

"Put a sock in it. I know you had something to do with this, Father."

"Wanda, if I had any say in the matter, you wouldn't be going out at all. But if you must, I have no objection to you going with Kurt. He is an upstanding young man. Except for all the shedding."

Wanda cast a look at her father beneath narrowed eyelids. "At any rate, you said you'd buy me whatever dress I wanted and I found one I want."

"Alright. How much?"

"Twenty five hundred."

"Are you serious? Is it laced with diamonds?"

"You promised!"

"I thought it would be a reasonable price. That's highway robbery!"

"You promised!"

"I'll get you the dress. I promise."

"No, you'll buy me the dress. You won't steal it."

"I never said steal."

"Just buy it!"

* * *

_6:00 pm_

"I'm not paying for a limo."

"You said you would."

"I just bought you a twenty five hundred dollar dress. You can ride in a battered, old jeep to the stupid dance."

"Hey!"

"Shut up Lance. No limo, end of discussion."

"But we can't all fit into Lance's jeep."

"It holds 4 people and Fred. You can make it work."

"No we can't. There's too many people."

"Then tell your brother to meet his dates at the dance."

Wanda groaned in frustration. "You are being impossible."

Magneto contemplated this for a moment. "Yes. Yes I am."

Wanda screeched in frustration.

* * *

_Friday_

_7:00 pm_

"How long must we stand here?" Magneto demanded as he cast a glance of pure hatred at the stairs. The entire house, plus Kurt, had assembled at the foot of the stairs, waiting for Wanda to make her grand entrance.

"It's supposed to make her entrance grander."

"I don't care about her entrance. I care about finding out who stole my catnip!"

"You told me you quit that disgusting habit."

"I did quit!"

"Ehem."

The soft cough interrupted the pandemonium. Everyone turned to face Wanda, who was standing at the top of the stairs in swirls of black and red silk. Lines of sparkling crystals were sewn into the crimson bodice, the pattern spilling down onto the long black dress. It was clear to every male in the vicinity, save one, that it was twenty five hundred dollars well spent.

Most of the boys stared at Wanda, gaping. Sabretooth's eyes had glazed over, but he was staring at a mouse that had stuck its head out of the wall. Magneto looked at the dress bitterly, still convinced that it had been too expensive.

"You look beautiful," Kurt said as he offered his hand. Wanda smiled as she took it.

"Thank you."

"Red and black? What is it about those colors?" Pietro asked. Wanda shrugged.

"I'd wear blue, but it looks better on someone else."

"We better get going. Otherwise I'll be late to meet Kitty."

* * *

"Magneto and Pyro, Magneto and Pyro. One is a genius, the other's insane!" John sung at the top of his lungs. **2**

"For the love of god shut up!"

"What's wrong Saby-waby? Going cuckoo? For Coco-Puffs?" John cackled with delight.

"That's it Fire Bug. You're dead!"

"Can't catch me!"

John took off through the house, Sabretooth close behind him. It wasn't until John sought refuge in Wanda's room that the chase stopped. John bolted past Magneto and slammed Wanda's door shut behind him.

"John, come out of there. Wanda will skin you alive," Magneto said, knocking on the door.

There was no response.

"John, come out. Now."

Still no answer.

"Don't make me come in there!"

Nothing.

Muttering to himself about insane pyromaniacs, Magneto summoned up his power and tore Wanda's door from its hinges.

"Now come out of there…" Magneto trailed off as he entered the room. John was sitting on Wanda's bed, reading a book. "What are you doing?"

"Reading Wanda's journal," John replied absently.

"Put that back!"

"But it's interesting. Gives a great insight on her thoughts and feelings."

"I will not stoop to snooping around in my daughter's private diary and neither will you," Magneto said as he snatched it from John's hands. The boy shrugged.

"Too bad, she was just talking about her crush on Kurt."

"What!" Magneto tore the book open. His eyes quickly scanned the pages. He slumped to the floor.

"Oh god. What have I done?"

* * *

"I want you to find out exactly what is going on." 

"You handpicked Kurt, though. Why are we going to spy on him?" Bobby asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh! I know the answer! It's because of that book I found isn't it?"

"Quiet John. Just do it, Drake."

"Fine, fine. We're going."

* * *

_7:20 pm_

"Red Base, this is Ice-leader," the radio on Magneto's desk squawked. Logan leaned over and activated it.

"This is Red Base, Ice-leader. What's your status?" Logan growled. Magneto shot a questioning look over at the X-Man.

"Why exactly are you over here?"

Logan shrugged. "I like spying on the kids."

"Flame-one and I have infiltrated the school. No sign of the primary target."

"What about the secondary target?" Logan asked. There was a slight pause.

"Affirmative. We have visual confirmation now. Repeat, we have visual confirmation."

Magneto raised an eyebrow. "You have them spying on someone else?"

"It's the price Bobby must pay to be let out."

"Who?"

"Everyone."

"And who are they talking about?"

"No clue," Logan replied as he activated the radio. "What's going on?"

"Kitty and Lance have just gone into one of the classrooms."

"Stop them!"

"No! You must not be seen!" Magneto called into the radio. He turned to Logan. "You can deal with Lance and Kitty when they get back."

Logan muttered underneath his breath. Magneto was certain he heard the word 'castration' several times.

"Now find out where Wanda and Kurt are."

"Repeat Red Base," Bobby's voice crackled over the radio. Magneto sighed and cast a glance at Logan.

"How do you constantly put up with this boy?"

"I make Scott watch him."

"Good plan," Magneto replied as he turned back to the radio. "Find Wanda!"

"We do not read you. Repeat, we do not copy. Repeat orders Red Base."

Magneto sighed again. These boys were stubborn. "This is Red Base. Locate the primary target."

"Acknowledged, Red Base. Moving to locate primary…" Magneto and Logan exchanged glances at the sudden silence. The radio remained silent for several more moments before bursting back to life.

"Primary target found. Repeat, we have located the primary target. I'm sending in Flame-one for a closer look."

Silence reigned supreme as Magneto and Logan waited for an update. The radio quickly burst back to life.

"Um. The targets are – uh – engaging in – um…"

"What are you talking about?"

"Wanda's about to kiss him! Are we to engage? Repeat, do we engage?"

Magneto had no time to think. "No. Do not engage. Return home immediately."

Logan switched the radio off. "What are you going to do?"

"Probably something similar to what you're going to do to Lance."

Logan grinned at the Master of Magnetism. "You're evil, but I love it."

* * *

Kurt was frozen as Wanda pulled back from the kiss. It had been completely unexpected. 

Sure, they had been having fun. But Kurt hadn't seen this coming. His first thought was that he really liked it. His second was that he was supposed to be dating Amanda. His final thought was that if Magneto ever found out, he was dead.

Wanda blushed fiercely as she glanced up at Kurt from under narrowed eyelids. "Sorry. I don't know what came over me."

Kurt merely stared back at her, his mind struggling to come to grips with what had just happened.

"Kurt, listen. I got to tell you something alright?" Wanda began. Seeing no interruption, she continued. "I've had this thing for you for a while now. And I know you're with Amanda but I can't keep this in anymore. And, well, I just wanted you to know how I felt."

Kurt said nothing at first. He rubbed his fingers over his lips. He realized that he was thinking about Wanda more and more lately. Maybe this wasn't such a bad thing. He had a twinge of guilt as he thought about Amanda. He really did care for her, but Wanda had struck a chord with Kurt since they had met in the mall. **3**

Hormones kicked in as Kurt grinned at Wanda. Besides, he rationalized to himself, if Magneto was going to get him in the end, he might as well enjoy it.

Wanda grinned back at Kurt for a moment before they embraced in another passionate kiss.

* * *

"What do you mean Kurt has had a crush on Wanda for six months?" Magneto shouted. Charles frowned at his friend. 

"Don't kill the messenger. I thought you'd like to know."

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier?" Magneto screamed as one of his golf clubs went hurtling into a wall.

"Must have slipped my mind. Besides, I didn't know Kurt was going with Wanda to the ball. If you must blame someone for this, blame Bobby."

"What did I do?"

"Blaming you seems to be the popular trend lately. Mustn't be left out," Xavier replied with a shrug and another shot of scotch.

"If we can get back to the problem at hand!"

"So what do you plan to do?" Bobby asked.

Magneto frowned and shook his head. "I can't trust you this time. Or any of my usual accomplices, besides John and Victor. I will have to deal with him myself."

* * *

_Saturday_

_(12:00 am)_

Wanda sighed contently to herself as Kurt vanished in a cloud of brimstone. Tonight had gone even better than she could have hoped. To think that her father had actually set her up with Kurt.

All in all, life was good.

As she entered the house with the rest of the Brotherhood, she expected her father to be waiting for them. Magneto was not there. After a few questioning calls, Wanda set out in search of him, with no luck.

Magneto wasn't in the house. Neither were John or Sabretooth, for that matter. Wanda panicked. Kurt was in trouble.

Kurt collapsed onto his bed, happy and tired. The evening had been great. Sure, he'd have to tell Amanda about it eventually and Magneto would find out – but those were problems for another day. Tonight all he could think about was Wanda.

He was so caught up in his thoughts, he didn't even noticed he had company until Sabretooth grabbed him by the tail and John fastened a collar around his neck.

"What's going on?"

"Good evening Kurt," Magneto replied, his eyes brimming with the promise of pain.

"Guten Abend. What are you doing here?"

"You betrayed me, Kurt and I don't tolerate traitors. You will suffer for what you did tonight. There is no escape. We've fastened a mutant inhibitor collar around your neck. It will prevent you from teleporting away."

"Please," Kurt began to plead. "Don't hurt me."

Magneto grinned as John and Sabretooth advanced.

All Kurt could do was scream.

* * *

Scott looked up as he dropped Forge's bionic arm to the ground in shock. 

"Professor, was that Kurt?"

"Probably."

"Are we going to help him?"

"Nope."

* * *

_(11:00 am)_

Kurt was freezing when he awoke, and with good reason. He was lying on the coldest surface he had ever felt, it was like ice. Normally, Kurt was protected from the cold by his natural fur coat.

As he opened his eyes further, Kurt saw why he was so cold. His fur had been shaven off completely and, as Kurt's gaze went beyond his body, he noticed that he was surrounded by dozens of penguins and there were a bunch of people gawking at him. Kurt tried to scream, but he couldn't open his mouth. It was glued shut.

So Kurt was forced to sit in the penguin exhibit at the zoo, naked, cold, and miserable until the police arrived to arrest him on charges of indecency in public.

* * *

_(1:00 pm)_

"You locked him in the penguin exhibit! He nearly froze to death!"

Magneto cast an irritated glance at his daughter. "Don't you see that I'm on the phone?"

"How could you do that to him?"

"No, Wanda, I don't mind you interrupting my phone call with the governor. Please interrupt me."

"You are an evil, vile, disgusting old coot!" Wanda shouted as she slammed the door shut.

"I'm not old!"

* * *

"I've had it with him! He destroys every single relationship I have. I can't have a normal life with him around!" Wanda shouted as she collapsed on her bed. 

"Then maybe you should do what Pietro suggested and play his game," Rogue said as she handed the now crying Wanda a box of Kleenexes.

"What do you mean?"

"Drive him crazy. Date boys that you know he can't stand. Eventually he'll accept it.

"That won't work."

Rogue frowned.

"You know your father Wanda. He's always in control. What you need to do is shake up his world. You need to take control."

Wanda's lips twitched into a small grin. "You know something. You're absolutely right."

* * *

**1** – Borrowed from Doc Brown in "Back to the Future" 

**2** – The theme song for "Pinky and the Brain"

**3** – Reference back to "Hex Factor"

What does Wanda have planned for her father?

Who will dare to come calling next?

Send in those ideas and those reviews!


	13. Enemy of an Enemy

UncannyAsianGirl – To be perfectly honest, the whole code for Magneto just slipped my mind. At any rate, I'd say Logan made up the codename, hence why it was so dull. As for your other questions, they will be answered over the next couple of chapters.

Ishandahalf – Not this time, but after this. I've pulled a special rabbit out of my hat today.

Thanks to Spiffythefaery for the beta work.

* * *

**Sunday**

_5:30 pm_

Magneto stared at the door, hesitant to go through with his plan. After all, he wasn't exactly sure why he wanted to go in. In fact, it was probably better if he didn't.

But something wouldn't let him turn away. Something wanted him to open that door and talk with the person on the other side. Call it curiosity, fatherly affection – whatever it was, it made him open the door and peek inside.

"Hey Pop."

"Pietro. I was wondering if we could talk."

Pietro cast a confused glance at his father. They never 'talked.'

"Sure." Pietro waved Magneto in.

"Pietro. Are feeling alright?'

"Huh?"

"Are you ill? Have a virus? Do you need a doctor in anyway?"

Pietro's eyebrow rose at astronomical speed. "What is this about?"

Magneto sighed as he sat on his son's bed. "I know about the dance."

"Know what? I didn't do anything."

"It's alright to be honest."

"But I didn't do anything."

Now it was Magneto's turn to be a skeptic. "Just one date Pietro?"

"Oh."

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

Pietro hesitated. "No. It's just that the last time I had more than one date, they were all kinda pissed at me. I wanted to avoid the unpleasantness."

Magneto stared at his son for a few moments, probing the validity of this story with his eyes. He nodded. "Well, women can be troublesome. Case and point, your sister."

Pietro nodded in reply with a slight smirk. "You know she's pissed as hell at you."

"Yup."

"You know she wants revenge?"

"Yup."

"She'll get it eventually."

"We'll see."

* * *

Magneto cast a look of confusion at the person across the desk. "You want what?"

Rogue scowled. "You don't need a hearing aid yet. You heard me fine."

"And just why am I supposed to help you?"

"My brother."

Magneto frowned and shook his head. "He had it coming."

Rogue's scowl deepened and she crossed her arms. "You owe me."

"No, I really don't."

Rogue's eyes narrowed dangerously. Magneto sighed.

"Why can't you get Logan to do this for you?"

"Professor Xavier said he's not allowed to torture the students."

"Charles has said that for years now. Logan hasn't listened to him yet."

Rogue shrugged. "He took away all the alcohol."

"I'll send Sabretooth with a warning. But that's all."

"Come on. He won't give a minute to myself. I need some peace."

"You think I don't know that? All he ever did was talk about women. But he's not my problem anymore. However, your mother would probably kill me if I didn't try to help so – SABRETOOTH!"

The massive feline mutant entered the room with a pink apron around his belly. Rogue stifled a giggle. Magneto attempted to overlook the offending garment.

"I need you to deliver a message for me right away."

Sabretooth looked annoyed at this comment. "Does it have to be now?"

"Yes."

"But I just put laundry in the wash. If I'm not here the clothes will get all mildewy."

All Magneto could do was put his head in his hands.

* * *

**Tuesday**

_6:00 pm_

Magneto sat blissfully in his favorite chair in the living room, reading the newspaper. The other men of the house were all out at a movie, leaving Magneto with only Wanda and silence as his companions for the evening. Magneto was enjoying this respite. He was so engrossed in the paper, so entrapped in the silence, that he literally jumped when the doorbell shattered the quiet.

The doorbell rang again. Magneto frowned. He wasn't expecting anyone and the boys all had keys to the house. The doorbell rang for a third time, followed by Wanda's voice. "Father get the door!"

"You get it!"

"I can't get it. He has to wait for me."

"Who has to?"

"My date!"

"Date! What date?" Magneto cried out. He didn't get a response as Wanda's reply was drowned out by a thunderous knocking. Grumbling to himself, Magneto walked over to the front door and threw it open.

Magneto was expecting to see some face from around town, most likely someone from the Xavier Institute since Wanda tended to bring home boys from there. He was staring at the face of a boy with spiked blond hair, an ugly patch of hair under his lip, and a leather vest. Magneto had never seen this boy before, yet he was strangely familiar.

"Ye gonna invite me in, old man?"

Magneto's eyes widened at the remark. "Who are you, boy?" he replied, making no move to let him in.

"Name's Lucas."

"You look familiar. I wonder, have we met before?"

Lucas shook his head. "Neh, we never met before. But ye are close with me old man."

"Old man? And just who is your father?"

"Charles Xavier."

"Charles? You're the son of Xavier?"

"Donnae blow a gasket. I ain't actually on the best of terms with him."

"Why not?"

"He has this crazy idea about humans and mutants living together. I donnae think that's likely tae happen."

"Really?"

Lucas nodded. Magneto was slightly more approving, at least this one wasn't a sheep following Charles. But that didn't mean he liked this boy.

"Tell me Lucas, what sort of social activities do you indulge in?"

"Just what do you mean by that?"

"I'll be blunt with you. If you give my daughter any drugs or alcohol I will make sure that Charles will never be a grandfather. Any questions?"

"Aye. Why am I standing here talking tae you, when I could be doing something dangerous? Like rearranging my sock drawer?" **1**

The two men met the other's gaze, neither backing down. Their staring match was interrupted by Wanda flying down the stairs, grabbing Lucas' arm and telling her father not to wait up. The door slammed shut behind them and Magneto was left staring.

His lips twitched into a grin – a grin that was against his will. Wanda was going on a date and for the first time he wasn't worried.

* * *

**Thursday**

_3:30 pm_

Magneto sat down in front of Principal Kelly's desk. He had received a call that he needed to come to deal with a disciplinary action. When he arrived at the school, he saw Todd, Pietro, and Lance all sporting black eyes. Surprisingly he also found Lucas, who was scowling. Principal Kelly was seated behind his desk, his eyes narrowed in distaste.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice Mr. Lehnsherr," Kelly began. Magneto merely nodded.

"Earlier today these three boys got into a fistfight with Duncan Mathews. They refused to tell me what their dispute was about. However they did tell this young man," Kelly indicated Lucas with a jerk of his head, "and he sent Mr. Mathews and several of his friends to the hospital. This kind of behavior can not be tolerated at Bayville High."

"What kind of behavior?"

"He put four students in the hospital!"

"I'm sure he did. But I'm fairly certain that Lucas is not a student of Bayville High. You cannot discipline him. As for the others, they got in a fight. It happens, especially considering what I've heard about Duncan Mathews. I assume that he is also being disciplined?"

Kelly paled slightly. It was clear that he had no intention of punishing Duncan.

"I wonder what the school board would think of how you are running this school. Probably wouldn't help your career."

"Are you threatening me?"

A tiny grin graced Magneto's face. "I assure you, if that was a threat, I'd think of something much more inventive and painful."

* * *

"Don't think you are getting off so easily. What was this fight about?"

Todd, Lance, and Pietro all shifted on their feet, refusing to meet Magneto's gaze. Magneto frowned and turned to face Lucas.

"Why were you here?"

Lucas shrugged. "I was gonna convince Wanda to take off early."

"How did you get involved?"

"I ain't saying."

Magneto scowled at Lucas, his eyes narrowed. Then, surprisingly to all those present, he chuckled.

"Well, at least you were defending her honor. Very admirable. Same to you boys. Although, I question how you were beat up by humans."

"Kelly has a strict no power policy."

"That imbecile? You listen to him?"

Lance shrugged. "As little as we can. But we don't want to get expelled."

"I assure you, leaving this dump would not harm you in the slightest. Nevertheless, I am proud of you all."

"What about Duncan?" Todd asked through his swollen lips.

Magneto's lips twisted into a frightening grin. "I will deal with him."

* * *

"No."

"Oh come on Charles. Just this once."

"I am not going to make Duncan Mathews believe that he's a squirrel for the rest of his life."

"Rest of his life? I never said that. I want two months."

"Tempting, but no."

"Oh – you're no fun. What's the point of having phenomenal psychic powers if you never use them?"

"I use them, just not for your schemes."

"I doubt that."

The two men were interrupted by Warren Worthington. Magneto scowled at the arrival. Warren didn't even notice Magneto, his eyes were glazed over.

"Here's the two million I owe you Professor," he said, handing over a check. Charles took it with a grin as Warren left. He cast a look at his old friend.

"You were saying?"

"I hate you."

* * *

**Friday**

_7:00 pm_

"Lucas! What a pleasant surprise!"

"Pleasure tae see you too, ye old coot."

"Better an old coot than a young wiper-snapper. By the way, I must say, your plan was genius. The French government is now paying me a million dollars a week to not wreck landmarks. And Italians are doubling it. Pure brilliance boy."

"Glad tae help. Where's Wanda?"

"I have no idea! Wanda! Lucas is here, don't keep the boy waiting!"

Wanda ran down the stairs, casting a confused glance at her father. "Sorry I'm late Lucas."

"It's alright. Pops was keeping me company."

"Really?" Wanda's eyebrow almost escaped from her forehead. She looped an arm around Lucas' head and passionately kissed him. When she broke the embrace, she looked at her father.

"Well, go on. Have fun. I'll see you later."

"What are you doing tonight?"

"Pyro and I are going to figure out exactly how carnies manage to con people out of their money. It'll be fun. But enough of me keeping you. Off you go!"

* * *

**Thursday**

_7:30 pm_

"What do you mean?"

Bobby Drake shrugged. "Just saying what I heard."

Magneto cast a dubious glance at the youth. "I think someone is pulling your leg."

"Kurt's never lied to me before."

Magneto's snowy eyebrow quirked upwards. "You honestly believe that there is a secret society in Bayville dedicated to the sole purpose of letting Wanda go out on dates?"

"I think its more like they want to cause you pain."

Magneto snorted in reply.

"Anyway, I just thought I'd warn you."

"I appreciate the concern. However, these cretins do not concern me. Besides, I like Lucas. I have no complaints with him going out with Wanda."

Bobby's eyebrows twisted in confusion. "But he's not going out with Wanda."

Magneto snorted, this time in amusement. "I think I know whom my daughter is dating. He was here last Friday."

"Yeah. Last Friday they were going out. They broke up two days ago."

"What?"

"Yeah. Lucas has been over at the Institute, crying to the Professor. Its kinda sad."

"He was crying?"

"Until Logan gave him a barrel of whisky. Then he just passed out."

"She dumped him? Why?"

"No idea."

Magneto eyes glazed over as he sat in thought. His pensive gaze directed at his desk. Suddenly his eyes snapped up as determination overtook his features. It was a look Bobby had seen before.

"Then we have only one choice. We need to get them back together."

* * *

**Friday**

_3:30 pm_

"You want to get them back together?" Pietro asked incredulously.

"Yes."

"And you're going to help? Why?"

"I like Lucas."

"So why is he here?" Pietro thrust his thumb in the direction of Forge, who was tinkering on some type of gizmo in the living room.

"He came highly recommended."

"By who?"

Magneto was unable to answer the question, as Fred emerged from the kitchen, clad in white apron and chef hat.

"I refuse to work like this!"

"What's wrong Fred?"

"I can't handle these conditions. I will not work with them!"

"And what exactly are you talking about?"

"You only have sixteen inch pans. My contract clearly states that I only use seventeen inch pans."

"Are you serious?"

"One more thing! Todd is letting bugs near my food!"

"We'll get them out."

"One more thing! Pyro is screwing around with my oven!"

Magneto sighed and turned to face his son. "Get Todd to remove the bugs. Get Pyro away from any kind of flame. And you," he turned to face Fred, "get back in the kitchen!"

The boys scurried away to do their tasks as Forge finished with whatever he was working on.

"Done!"

Magneto turned to look at the inventor. He was wary of the boy, mostly because he acted like he was still in the seventies. Even having heard Forge's story, Magneto was slightly creeped out by him.

"Really? Will it work?"

"Absolutely."

Had Magneto been up to his usual mental standards he would have recalled the advice he was given by Logan and Xavier the previous day.

"Remember, when he's talking about any machine he's working on, he always fibs. It'll just not work the way it should," Logan had said.

Xavier had been much more succinct. "It'll backfire and explode."

But Magneto did not recall this. Instead, he was delighted by the news. "So what exactly will happen?"

"Well, once the door is opened, all the candles in the house will light up, bouquets of flowers will appear, romantic music will start to play, lots of jewelry will drape around Wanda's neck. Stuff like that."

"Really? That's brilliant. You're a genius."

"Well, I try."

"No. I mean it. Pure brilliance. If this works, when I take over the world, you can have Canada." **2**

"That's considerate. Alright, I promised Logan the first round was on me."

"You can drink?"

"Yeah. I'm thirty years old. I told you this."

"I thought you were joking. I laughed about it when you weren't around."

Forge rolled his eyes and muttered to himself as he walked out.

* * *

_6:30 pm_

"Now, does everyone remember the plan?" Magneto asked the Brotherhood.

"We're supposed to go out and stay out all evening," Lance replied.

Magneto nodded. "Exactly. No one is to interfere with this dinner. Anyone who does will face my wrath. And the kindest thing I will do to that perpetrator will be castration. Am I clear?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. Now off you go. Have fun. Cause chaos. Make the X-Men's lives miserable. Whatever you feel like doing."

"What about you?" Pietro asked.

"I'm not staying. I'm going to let Lucas in and then I'm taking off too. No worries. Speaking of which, are you ready Lucas?"

The boy nodded, determined to succeed. Magneto allowed himself a wide grin – everything was going according to plan.

* * *

_10:30 pm_

Magneto pulled into the driveway. He couldn't believe what he was looking at. Where his house once was, now stood a pile of smoking and burning wood and brick. Standing in front of his car was a much crispier looking Lucas, his clothes torn and burned, alongside his daughter, who was looking severely cross.

Magneto swallowed and got out of the car. "What happened?"

"That crappy device ya put intae your house exploded! And Aye've had it! With her! And with you!" Lucas shouted as he floated off.

Magneto looked at him go sadly. Then he turned to Wanda. "You know something, I really did like him."

Wanda glared. "He was a self absorbed, rude asshole."

Magneto nodded. "I guess you're right." He turned to look at the shrinking figure of Lucas. Reaching out with his powers, he picked up his car and hurled it at the unsuspecting boy, landing a direct hit.

He turned to face Wanda. "So how was your evening?"

* * *

**1 –** Taken directly from Last Action Hero

**2 – **Magneto makes this offer to Forge in one of the comics. Can't remember which one though


	14. The Other Side of the Road

Ishandahalf – Wow. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to go huddle up into a ball at that last chapter. Mea culpa.

I'm sure this isn't necessary, but I feel that its my reasonability to point this out. Please note the rating change of the story.

Thanks to Spiffythefaery for blah, blah, blah. She knows by now.

* * *

**Monday**

_7:00 pm_

"Are you serious?"

"Am I ever not?"

Pietro glared at his father. "This isn't some kind of sick, twisted joke?"

"I would hope you have a better opinion of my humor than that."

"You're not toying with me? Not tantalizing me with the promise of something before snatching it away?"

"For heaven's sake, shut up already. I'm not joking."

"So you're really going to be out of town for the next week?" Wanda asked.

"No. I merely packed my luggage because the Food Network was showing reruns," Magneto replied dryly.

"You watch the Food Channel? I'm not the only one!"

Magneto sighed. "I was being sarcastic, Fred. Now sit back down so I can explain what is going on, without the annoying questions.

"I will be out of town this week. I am leaving early tomorrow and I anticipate my return in a weeks time."

"Sabretooth is going to be watching us?" Lance asked with a look of disgust. Magneto shook his head. "No actually. Neither Sabretooth nor Pyro will remain here."

"What? Why?"

"I have to take Sabretooth to Space Camp. Pyro wants to attend some romance novel writers convention across the country and I can't leave him unattended."

"So, who'll be watching over us?" Todd asked.

"Unfortunately no one was up to the task. Mastermind mysteriously vanished when I tried to bring up the subject. Mystique said she wouldn't get near you all again without a tank. I even asked that weird hippie kid, but he threatened to turn the house into a giant puppet." **1**

"What about Xavier?"

"Charles? He can barely stand his wards without diving off the deep and into his liquor. Logan said he'd stop by once in a while, only to make sure that the house was still standing. Other than that, you're on your own."

"No adults? No chaperones? No rules!" Pietro declared joyously.

"There are still rules, Pietro. You will still attend school – not that any of you learn, but you will go nevertheless. You will not destroy anything in the house, and I've made an inventory. You will not get arrested, otherwise you stay in jail. And you will not break into my room or my study. Am I clear?"

"So other than that we're free?"

"Just one more. No parties. Especially ones with alcohol."

* * *

**Friday**

_8:00 pm_

Magneto pulled out his cell phone with a nasty glare. He was sure that he had given instructions that he was not to be disturbed. Irritated, he flipped his phone open.

"What?"

There was a loud screech from the phone. Magneto pulled the speaker away from his ear.

"Shhhh," a muffled voice said from the other end of the phone, as the screeching quickly stopped. Hesitantly, Magneto repositioned the phone.

"What?" he barked.

"All right, I'm gonna do it, ready?" the muffled voice said, but not through the phone. The voice was so soft Magneto could barely discern the identity of the person on the other end, but he sounded like Todd.

"Todd? What's the meaning of this?"

"Okay. I'd like 4 large pepperoni pizzas, 4 medium cheese, 4 extra large with an extra order of anchovies delivered to 1634 Graymalkin Lane."

"Are you trying to prank call me and have me deliver pizzas to Xavier?"

There was no response as the screeching resumed. Magneto realized belatedly that the screeching was what passed for music these days, and it was accompanied by the shouts of many teenagers. Way too many teenagers.

Magneto slammed his phone shut and frowned. Slowly he got to his feet and began to collect his things. He was going home.

* * *

**Saturday**

_7:00 am_

Magneto looked at his house, aghast. Red plastic cups, aluminum cans, and bottles littered the yard. The gutters had been pulled loose. The windows were all cracked, if not broken outright. As Magneto approached the front door, he noticed with disgust that there were myriad amounts of clothing thrown about the yard.

As he placed his hand on the doorknob, his attention was grabbed by a loud moaning coming from nearby. Turning, he noticed Todd was lying in the bushes.

"My head," the boy moaned. His long hands grabbed the aforementioned and he slowly opened his eyes. Bright light rushed in, forcing him to wince. His eyes narrowed, he looked up at Magneto.

"Am I still drunk?"

"Perhaps. What do you see?"

"Magneto, looking really pissed."

"Then you're quite sober."

"Oh shit."

"Get up," Magneto hissed between clenched teeth. Todd moaned but tried to get to his feet. Magneto cast a glance towards John, who had remained quiet since arriving at the house. "Give him a hand."

Without a backward glance, Magneto thrust the door open.

There were no words to describe what had happened to the inside of his house. There was more garbage then on the outside, more cups and cans, and more discarded pieces of clothing. Over in the corner were four kegs, all of which had been completely emptied. Lying on couches, asleep, were Fred, Lance, and Pietro.

As John helped Todd hobble into the house, Magneto glared. Levitating the empty kegs, he let the kegs fall from over five feet, to directly on top of the sleeping boys.

They groaned in pain and their eyes snapped open.

"What gives?" Lance moaned.

Fred blinked rapidly to clear his head. Pietro jumped into a sitting position.

"Whoever did that is going to pay!" the silver haired youth declared with a glare.

"Really?" As the cobwebs cleared, the boys began to comprehend just what was going on.

"Ah crap."

"I don't think that even begins to describe the situation you're in."

"We can explain!"

"I'm very interested in what you have to say. Especially the part where you threw a giant party, which earned several citations, how you managed to acquire not one, but four, kegs, how you all managed to get extremely drunk when you're not old enough to touch alcohol, and how you broke every rule I gave you when I left. Please, enlighten me."

There was a pause.

"Maybe we can't."

"I thought not. You three," Magneto turned to look at the boys sans Pietro, "are grounded for three weeks. No television, no going out on the weekends, no leaving the house except for school and detentions. In fact, no fun at all.

"And as for you," Magneto's tirade continued as he looked towards Pietro, "not only are you subject to the same punishments, but you will be going to Xavier's every day to clean the Danger Room and wax the X-Jet."

"What? Why do I get more punishment? That's bullshit."

"You were the mastermind. You're being punished for thinking."

"It was not my idea! It was Wanda's!"

"I doubt that. Speaking of which, where is she?"

Magneto didn't even bother to knock. While he should have been glad that Wanda had at least managed to get back to her room from the previous night, he was very concerned that she did not go there alone. He recalled what had happened with her previous boyfriends.

* * *

The door was locked. Understandable, expected, and not a problem. Using his natural gift, Magneto unlocked the door and threw it open forcefully. He stormed into the room, a rant on the tip of his tongue. 

Wanda's room was a complete mess. Clothes were strewn everywhere, her desk was cluttered as stationary had been flung out of the normal positions. The only thing that had remained where it had always been was the bed. The sheets were tangled and the down comforter covered a large lump – a lump that could only be Wanda.

"Wanda!" Magneto barked. The sheets shifted slightly she poked her head out. Upon seeing her father she paled.

"Father? What are you doing here?"

"I don't believe that it matters why I am here. It is much more important for you to explain to me just what happened last night."

"Last night? Nothing happened," Wanda replied immediately with in a defensive tone.

"Nothing happened? I've been downstairs Wanda. I saw the tickets the police left. I know what happened."

"You mean the party?"

"No, I mean the circus. Of course, I mean the party! How you could have allowed those imbeciles to talk you into it is beyond me! But you were irresponsible and you will face the consequences for your behavior."

"I didn't do anything!"

"And now you're lying to me! Wanda Maximoff, you are only…" Magneto trailed off as the sheets began to shift again, accompanied by a groan.

"Wanda, turn that radio off. It's too early," the voice moaned. Magneto's eyes jumped open in shock. Wanda began to turn a bright red. Without hesitating, Magneto grabbed the sheets and yanked them off –to reveal a completely naked Tabitha Smith lying in bed with his equally as nude daughter.

* * *

The cup of coffee was shaking violently. Magneto sat at the kitchen table, shuddering uncontrollably. His hand was wrapped around the mug while his eyes stared off into the distance, haunted by what he had just seen. 

The boys were gathered around the table, staring at Magneto. They had run upstairs after he let out a screech and had encountered him in the hall, trembling, just as Wanda's door slammed shut. They'd brought him downstairs and given him the cup of coffee. He hadn't taken a sip. He hadn't said a word. He hadn't even looked at them. He just sat there, nursing the coffee. The boys said nothing, watching him in silence.

"Man, I'm so tired!" Tabitha shouted she entered the kitchen. The boys turned to look at her in shock; they were unaware that she had spent the night. Magneto pulled away, still trembling.

"Sweet! Coffee," Tabitha said as she snatched the cup directly from Magneto's hand. The boys shock grew. No one ever took Magneto's things. No one. However, he did nothing.

"Oh man, I needed that. You guys threw one hell of a party last night."

The boys looked at Magneto. Still, nothing.

"So, 'Nuto, what are you doing back? I thought you were out of town 'til next week."

There was no reply.

"Fine. Just trying to have a conversation. Well, I'm going to see if Wanda wants breakfast." That said, Tabitha got up and left, neglecting to take any food with her.

"I don't know what to do, Charles," Magneto said as he sat in the study of his old friend.

"I find that cheap whiskey will solve any problem."

"No Charles, I'm not discussing some silly problem. This is serious; I don't know what to do."

"Oh stop whining. You'll figure something out, you always do."

"I can't. I don't know what do to Charles! I need your help. Tell me what do to!"

Xavier looked at his old friend briefly before reaching over and smacking him in the face. "You can act like a man! And stop crying!" **2**

Magneto's eyes slid out of focus for a moment, before he turned his gaze on Xavier. The psychic flinched slightly under the glare, until Magneto's lips twisted into a slight grin.

"Thank you Charles. I needed that."

"So what are you going to do?"

"The same thing I always do, try to takeover the world!" **3**

"I meant about Wanda."

"Oh. I'll wing it."

* * *

"I'm not talking to you." 

"Come on, we had misunderstanding and I apologized. Let bygones be bygones."

Kurt narrowed his eyes in anger. "You never apologized."

"Let's not get caught up with specifics."

"I'm still not talking to you."

"Look, it's in the past. You kissed Wanda; I shaved off your fur. We're even."

"You glued my mouth shut and left me in the penguin exhibit. I nearly got hypothermia!"

"Kurt, we can squabble over the past all you want, but we won't get anywhere. Isn't it time to move on?"

"To what?"

"To do that voodoo that you do so well!" **4**

"You want me to perform an exorcism on Wanda?"

"Exorcism? I never said that."

"Then what do you mean by voodoo?"

"Whatever you think necessary, padre," Magneto replied with a wink.

* * *

**Sunday**

_5:00 pm_

Magneto walked into the house, only to see Tabitha planted in front of the television. She was smacking down on a piece of gum, sporadically blowing bubbles. Magneto sent a nasty glance at the back of her head.

"What are you doing here?"

"Huh? Oh, what's up 'Nuto?"

"You did not answer my question, Ms. Smith. Why are you here? You haven't left in three days."

Tabitha shrugged. "More fun over here."

"Go home Tabitha."

Tabitha stretched and stifled a yawn. "Already am."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Already home 'Nuto. Moved in this morning."

"Moved in? To where?"

Tabitha looked at him with an expression that clearly stated his lack of intelligence. "Wanda's room."

"Oh no you don't."

Tabitha shrugged again as she unwrapped another piece of gum. "Didn't want to really, but Wanda insisted."

"We'll see about that." Magneto began to walk away when he noticed where Tabitha had placed the discarded wrapper.

"Is that my helmet?"

"This thing? I thought it was a garbage can."

"You've been using my helmet as a garbage can!"

"What am I supposed to think it is? Who else has a bucket lying around?"

"Get rid of that trash and clean it up!"

"Make me."

Magneto glared at Tabitha, tempted to extract all the iron in her blood. Very tempted.

* * *

"I'm putting my foot down!" 

Wanda glanced up at her father, who was apoplectic. "What'd Pietro do this time?"

"This has nothing to do about your brother. I am referring to that minx who claims she's moving in."

Wanda frowned. "She isn't claiming. She already did."

"And you think you're the only one who gets a say in it?"

"No one else complained."

"They don't count."

"It's a democracy, ain't it? One man, one vote."

"Quite astute. One man, one vote. I'm the one man with the one vote. She isn't moving in."

"She has nowhere else to go."

"She can go back to Xavier's."

"Already kicked out."

"I don't care. She isn't staying in your room."

"Then give her another room."

"I don't want her under my roof!"

"Look. Either way, she's gonna be here a lot. So she can either stay in my room, where she'd end up anyway or I can spend all my time at her place. So what's it going to be?"

Magneto narrowed his eyes in frustration, when a cunning idea hit him. "Fine Wanda. She can stay."

* * *

"Is this some kind of sick, twisted joke?" Tabitha asked incredulously. 

"You want to remain here, in my house, then you follow my rules."

"But, isn't this a bit – extreme?"

"If you wish to remain here, then you room with Toad."

"But he smells!"

"He was the only person who was willing to have you as a roommate."

"Come on. Why couldn't I stay with Lance or Pietro? Even Freddy! Hell, I'd sleep in the same bed as Pyro!"

"Too bad."

"Fine," Tabitha spat out as she began to mutter under her breath. Magneto cracked a slight grin and walked away.

* * *

**Monday**

_6:30 pm_

"You deliberately put those there!" Magneto accused with a long, bony finger thrust in Tabitha's general direction. The sight would have been fearsome had the mutant menace not been splattered with spaghetti sauce and have a few strings of pasta hanging from his face.

Tabitha didn't even bother to hide a smirk. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't feign ignorance with me. My food does not randomly explode!"

"A lot of strange things happen in this house."

"You threw one of those 'bam-bam' balls into my food! This is unacceptable!"

"So is living with Todd."

Magneto set his jaw as his eyes burned with rage. He took a deep breath before bellowing, "Fred, Tabitha is destroying food!"

* * *

**Tuesday**

_8:00 am_

"From now on, you are forbidden from entering Wanda's room after 4:30 in the afternoon."

"Take you all night to think of that one?"

"Considering you kept me up all night, yes."

"You're just bitter you aren't getting some."

"For the sake of civility, I will ignore that comment. But you will abide by my rules."

"Or else what, old man?"

"That's it!"

* * *

_10:00 pm_

Wanda looked up at her father as he walked in the room. She hadn't seen him all day. This was unusual, but not unheard of. However someone else had been missing as well.

"Father, have you seen Tabitha?"

"Tabitha?"

"Yeah, I haven't seen her all day. It's not like her."

Magneto frowned and sat down next to her. "I'm sorry Wanda, but I don't think Tabitha's coming back."

"What do you mean?"

"She left this morning, saying that she hated it here and wanted nothing to do with anyone who lives here, including you."

"She said that?"

"Not in so many words."

"So where did she go?"

"I imagine somewhere to cool off."

* * *

Tabitha groaned as she looked at the vast, continuous wasteland of snow. 

"Who knew the old coot was so sensitive about his age. The bastard." Tabitha could do nothing but frown as she continued to look out at the snow, thankful that she had been left a coat.

* * *

**Wednesday**

_2:35 pm_

"You really need to stop doing that," Xavier said as he poured Magneto a glass of whiskey.

"What? Drinking?"

"Not that. You need to stop being so violent with Wanda's significant others."

"Stop? Whatever for?"

"I have to keep cleaning up for you. Not to mention paying all the bills."

"What are you talking about?"

Xavier frowned. "I had to pay for Sam's therapy, I had to pay for Roberto's medical bills, I had to pay for Scott, Remy, and Piotr's physical and mental damage. And now I've had to council Kurt while having nonstop phone calls from Gabrielle, complaining about how I hurt Lucas."

"And your point is?"

"I can't afford it anymore. You need to be gentler. Or just make sure Wanda goes out with people who aren't under my care."

"Don't blame me for that. If I had my way she wouldn't be going out at all."

Xavier didn't reply as he was distracted by the telephone ringing. Wheeling himself over to the desk, he picked up the receiver.

"Hello?"

…

"Calm down and try to explain it rationally."

…

"That can't be right."

…

"I'm sure of it."

…

"No, Eskimos don't live in Siberia."

…

"Tabitha, just stay where you are, I'll send Logan to pick you up." Xavier hung up the phone with a sigh. He cast a sideway glance at Magneto.

"Siberia? You honestly sent her to Siberia?"

"I sent her to Siberia? I meant to drop her off in Norway. Must have taken a wrong turn at Iceland."

"You sent to Siberia just because she called you old?"

"What are you implying?"

"Erik, you aren't a young man anymore."

Magneto narrowed his eyes. "Finish that thought, and I'll glue a rainbow colored wig to your head." **5**

* * *

**1 – **Family Guy 

**2 – **The Godfather

**3 – **Pinky and the Brain

**4 – **Blazing Saddles

**5 – **The Simpsons, when George H.W. Bush moves next door


	15. A Toad in Any Other Language

Ishandahalf – You have no idea. None what so ever. And to be honest, neither do I sometimes.

Thanks to Spiffythefaery for the beta work.

* * *

**Thursday**

_7:45 pm_

"Where are you going?"

Pietro paused with his hand on the doorknob. "Out."

Magneto didn't even bother to look up from the book he was reading. "Don't you have a test tomorrow?"

Pietro shrugged. "Dunno."

"You've been going out quite a bit lately. I wonder, where have you been, Pietro?"

"Nowhere special."

"When you go to this place, do you go by yourself?"

"Yeah. If I wanted company I'd stay home."

Magneto's eyes flicked upward for a moment. "You used to be a much better liar."

"I'm not lying!"

"I don't care that you are. You used to be better at it."

Pietro had no chance to reply as the door was thrown open and Bobby Drake rushed in, clutching something in his hand.

"I've got proof! Undeniable proof!"

Magneto put the book down. "Are you still set on this insane conspiracy of yours?"

"It's not insane. I've got proof. There is a secret society in Bayville dedicated to the purpose of causing you pain!"

"Fine. Show this proof," Magneto said as he stood up. He cast a glance towards his son. "Don't stay out too late."

* * *

"Well?" Bobby asked smugly as he ejected the videotape. 

"I suppose I might have to worry about them throwing balloon animals at me. Considering that's the most likely course of action they discussed."

"FABAM is not to be taken lightly."

"FABAM? They gave themselves a name?"

"Former Abused Boyfriends Against Magneto."**1**

"Catchy."

"This isn't a joke. Even Kurt joined!"

Magneto sighed. "You glue a guy's mouth shut and stick him in the penguin exhibit naked once and he turns on you. What is this world coming to?"

"They want to kill you."

"They can stand in line. I'm not afraid of acronyms! I've had more alphabet agencies after me than I can count."

"Alphabet agencies?"

"CIA, FBI, the IRS. Except they actually caught me."

"The IRS?"

"Never underestimate the power of the IRS. Especially when they believe you aren't paying taxes. And they didn't believe me when I said I wasn't an American citizen."

"You aren't? What are you, Canadian?"

Magneto cast an irritated glance at the youth. "If I had a frying pan, I hit you with it right now."

Bobby had no chance to reply as a loud noise interrupted him.

"What was that? It sounded like it came from Wanda's room."

* * *

"Wanda? Are you alright?" Magneto said as he knocked on her door. 

"Fine," came a muffled reply.

"Open the door, Wanda. I want to make sure."

The door cracked open and Wanda peeked out. "I'm fine. Now go away."

She tried to slam the door shut. However, she hadn't noticed that the door was no longer on its hinges. Magneto grinned – sometimes he had too much fun with his powers. It was then that he noticed an unusual scent coming from the room.

"Is someone in there with you?"

"No."

"Just like your brother, horrible at lying. Whoever is in there better come out before I pull the iron out of their blood."

"No need to be so violent, yo."

"Todd?" Magneto looked at the amphibious mutant. Then at his daughter. Back to Todd. Then to Wanda – just for good measure.

"Please tell me I'm seeing things."

"Are you seeing Todd in my room?"

"I'm seeing Todd with your lipstick on his face. Please, for the love of God, tell me I've gone delusional."

"You've been delusional for a long time, but not on this."

"Wanda! What are you thinking?"

"I like him."

"He's disgusting."

"He's standing right here," Todd muttered.

"Shut up," father and daughter barked.

Magneto pointed a finger at Wanda. "I forbid you from doing this."

"You can't tell me who I can go out with."

"Of course I can. I'm your father. One of the perks."

"I'm going out with Todd."

Magneto narrowed his eyes to a point that anyone else would have backed down. However Wanda was not anyone else.

"We'll see."

* * *

**Friday**

_8:00 am_

Magneto looked up as Todd entered the kitchen, surprised by his arrival. Him entering the kitchen wasn't surprising. No, the surprising part was that Magneto hadn't noticed the smell of the boy before he actually arrived.

"Todd, did you bathe?"

"Wanda insisted," Todd replied. Magneto took a brief moment to consider whether or not Todd bathing was worth sacrificing his daughter.

"What's that?" Magneto exclaimed, leaping to his feet.

"What?"

"Behind you!"

Todd turned, blinding him to the frying pan in Magneto's hand. With a loud crack, the pan connected with the back of Todd's head. The amphibious mutant slumped to the floor, unconscious.

* * *

"What are you doing down here, Magneto?" Callisto asked with a vicious glare. 

"Taking out the trash."

"Putting your garbage in our home? Do you think so terribly of us?"

"As I explained to ugly over there," Magneto thrust a thumb at Caliban, "I came down here to get rid of something. You need to realize that this the sewers and people put garbage in the sewers. Stop being offended every time someone actually puts garbage down here."

"Are you accusing us of being garbage?"

"This is exactly what I'm talking about. No wonder you live down here. You drive the topsiders crazy!"

"Some of us didn't have a choice," Caliban huffed.

"It's called plastic surgery. Now can I get on with my business?"

Callisto narrowed her eye. "What's in the bag?"

"Trash," Magneto replied as the bag began to moan.

"Your garbage usually moans?"

"Considering who you live with, I'd stop questioning weird events."

"Open the bag."

Grumbling, Magneto tossed the bag to the floor, revealing a disheveled Todd.

"Isn't he one of your wards?"

"Your point?"

"Why are you trying to dispose of him in the sewer?"

"No one would ever be able to smell him down here."

Callisto rolled her eye. "Just because you don't like him doesn't mean you can dump him down here."

"Why not?"

"Because it's wrong."

"No. Walking in on him making out with Wanda is wrong."

"If that's so, then shouldn't you just be dumping a corpse down here?"

Magneto shrugged. "Too much effort."

"But knocking him unconscious and dragging him down here isn't?"

"It's the principle of the thing."

"Just take him back."

"Why?"

"Because this is not a place for you to toss someone whenever Wanda has a boyfriend. Now go home."

Magneto grumbled as he left.

* * *

_12:00 pm_

"It's not funny Charles!"

"It's a little funny."

"I hate you."

"Look Erik, she wants to date, you can't stop that. The only way she won't date is if she chooses not to."

"And if I won't allow it?"

"Since when has Wanda ever listened to you?"

…

"You know something Charles. You're absolutely right. I need her to choose to stop dating and I know exactly how to do that!"

* * *

_3:00 pm_

"You want me to do what?"

"I want you to become a nun." **2**

"But we're Jewish!"

"Pish-posh, mere technicality. Being a nun has nothing to do with religion. It's about something more, about giving yourself to a cause greater than yourself."

"It's about being celibate isn't it?"

"I don't know where you came up with that idea!"

"Can't you just try to accept that I date instead of trying to get me to become a nun?"

"Do I have to?"

"Yes."

…

"This isn't over."

"Yes, it is. I'm dating Todd. And don't drag him down to the sewers again. It's hard enough getting him to bathe."

_

* * *

_

6:00 pm

"This has to be the second most ingenious idea that I've ever concocted," Magneto declared.

"Second? That begs the question what is the most ingenious idea?" Xavier asked as he sipped on a brandy.

"It was the most diabolical scheme ever. It would cause so much chaos and confusion that I couldn't bear to ever implement it. Still, that one was pure genius."

"What did you have planned?"

"I can't tell you. I might actually use it one day. But back to the matter at hand, I think I've finally figure out how to deal with my rodent problem."

"You have mice?"

"I meant Todd."

"Aren't frogs amphibians?"

"Don't confuse me with the facts, Charles."

"What are you going to do?"

"I already told you."

"No, you walked in here and said 'this has to be the second most ingenious idea that I've ever concocted.'"

"Oh. Well it is. Just watch," Magneto said as he left the room.

"Keep telling yourself that one," Xavier said to his quickly vanishing brandy.

* * *

_9:00 pm_

Magneto stepped into the kitchen of the renowned French restaurant Café Crapaud Sur Le Feu. The ovens were blazing, food was flying, knives were slashing left and right, and standing in the middle of it was a very small, very angry chef.

"Sacreblu! What is zis mess I am in now? Are you all imbeciles?"

Magneto couldn't help but smile at the rant, accompanied by various curses in French.

"Jean Pierre, are your skills going to waste again?"

The chef blinked and looked up at Magneto. He stared for a moment before cracking a grin.

"I don't believe what I see. Magneto? In my kitchen, what an unexpected honor!"

"It has been a while, hasn't it? How is the chef business?"

"Horrible! Zese so called cooks are worthless! Destroying my recipes!"

"Indeed? Tell me, what is the house specialty?"

"Magneto, I only have one specialty. You know zat – frog legs. But zey won't let me make any. Stupid consumers."

"No one orders frog legs?"

"No, zey order them. But I can never keep ze frogs. Zey always hop away."

"You keep live frogs."

"But of course. I like to make zem fresh."

"Then, as an old friend, perhaps I can help you out," Magneto said with a wave of his hand. A metal orb crashed through the doorway and opened, depositing Todd on the floor.

"Why did we take this trip?'

"Ze frog talks. How unusual. It must be a special frog. One with exquisite taste! Come here frog," Jean Pierre said as he approached Todd with a butcher knife. Magneto chuckled as he left, listening to the sounds of the chase.

* * *

**Saturday**

_9:00 am_

"You tried to sell Todd to a French restaurant for food?"

"You know something Wanda, you never give me enough credit. I didn't try to sell Todd. I did sell him. As such, he is now property of the restaurant."

"You sold him."

"I was offered free meals for life and I got in the Guinness Book of World records too. So how was what I did wrong?"

"Why can't you leave my boyfriends alone?"

"I'm going to assume that was a rhetorical question."

Wanda sighed in frustration. "Just stop harassing me and leave my love life alone!"

"I'll stop harassing when you stop dating."

"I'll never stop."

"Sure, sure. Listen, I've got chaos and massive disorder to cause. Can we do this later?"

Wanda screeched in anger as she stormed off.

* * *

**1 – **An idea from UncannyAsianGirl 

**2 – **One of Ishandahalf's nutty ideas


	16. Eight Dates a Week

I really have nothing to respond to from last chapter. Although they installed some reply option on the reviews. But that involves way too much work.

Long live the lazy.

Thanks to Spiffythefaery for betaing this while sober, which is a great task considering she just turned 21.

* * *

**Monday**

_9:00 am_

"Please Charles, I'm begging you!"

"For the last time, no."

"Charles, I need your help."

"I'm not tampering with Wanda's mind. Especially not to make her have an urge not to date."

"But I don't have peace anymore. None. I'm stressed. My hair's gone white for god sakes."

"Wasn't it always white?"

"Don't change the subject. I haven't slept in a week."

"You could stop interfering with her dating life."

"Let's stick to realistic solutions here. She needs to stop dating."

"Aren't up to the challenge anymore?"

"I've spent the past seven days chasing away eight – EIGHT – bloody suitors!"

"Eight? In seven days?"

"You see why I need help?"

"What happened?"

"Let me tell you…"

* * *

**Monday**

_4:32 pm_

Magneto looked at the man standing in his living room. Then he turned his gaze to Wanda.

"April Fools Day is several months off."

"That's why it's not a joke."

"Wanda, this not funny."

"I don't joke about dating people."

Magneto pointed at the hulking figure. "You are not going out with him!"

"Why not?"

"He's the Juggernaught! He's Charles' older brother!"

Wanda shrugged. "I like older men."

Despite Magneto's intense glare, Wanda would not back down. Seeing that his daughter was being stubborn, Magneto turned to face the massive mutant.

"Cain, might I have a word with you in private?"

* * *

Magneto sat down and motioned for Juggernaught to do the same. The wooden chair creaked under the weight.

"Cain, you have to understand my reservations about you going out with Wanda."

"Oh yeah. I understand. I'll be very nice to her."

"Also, and this is completely non-sequitor, aren't you supposed to be in jail?"

"Am I? No one tells me these things."

"Not even your brother?"

"Baldy? He doesn't talk to me anymore. Because he's jealous of the guns," Juggernaught said with a grin as he flexed, revealing his disturbingly large biceps. "I can lift anything without a thought. Baldy could never brag that."

It was at this moment that Magneto had an epiphany. Lightning struck his brain. His lips twisted into a grin.

"Cain, I'd be more than happy to let you go out with Wanda. But before I do, I need you to do something for me. An act of faith, to show that I can trust you."

* * *

Magneto looked down at the sea lazily rolling up onto the beach. The salty air stung his nostrils. Juggernaught looked at him with confusion.

"Why are we here Mr. Magnet?"

"Because you are going to do a favor for me, Cain, a favor that will prove that you are ready to take Wanda out."

"Oh boy. I'll do anything."

Magneto pointed upwards. "Do you see that Cain?"

Juggernaught's gaze followed Magneto's finger. "The sky?"

"Yes, the sky. Did you know that the only reason that the sky doesn't fall is because a man named Atlas holds it up?"

"Really?"

"Yes. But Atlas is getting tired. And he might let the sky fall. We can't have that happen."

"That sounds bad."

"It is. You can lift anything. I need you to hold up the sky for Atlas, so he can rest."

"Hold up the sky? For how long?"

"About fifty years."

"Ok. How do I hold up the sky?"

"Place your palms towards the sky and push."

"Like this Mr. Magnet?" Juggernaught asked as he followed the instructions. Magneto grinned.

"Exactly like that. I'll see you in fifty years Cain."

* * *

**Tuesday**

_2:30 pm_

Magneto glared at the boy across the desk.

"What do you mean there's another one coming tonight?"

"Just what I said. Ray asked Wanda out and he's coming around tonight," Bobby replied.

"But…but she was going out with Juggernaught yesterday."

"That was yesterday. This is today."

"Doesn't she have any downtime between dates anymore?"

"Apparently not when you chase them off before they go on the date."

"What was that?"

"I said…"

"Chase them off before she can actually go out with them? Brilliant idea! Let's go!" Magneto leapt out of his chair and rushed out the door.

"Where are we going?"

* * *

Bayville Park was a cheery place. It had the finest equipment that the town could afford – from swings to giant caterpillars. It also had a relic of a bygone era. An old well, long since out of use, rested in the grassy plane. The well had been boarded up and its sole function was now a place to sit or put ones drink.

Magneto had found a new use.

Pyro held on to a long rope that was tied to the top of the well. The rope descended into the newly opened well bottom.

Magneto looked down at the well for a moment before turning to face Bobby. "I think he's been down there long enough."

"Bring him up John."

Pyro pulled at the rope, bringing a very wet, sputtering Ray Crisp.

"Are you willing to reconsider your position Mr. Crisp?" Magneto asked.

"What? What are you talking about?'

"We've been through this already."

"No we haven't. You showed up and dropped me in this well. Now I'm wet. I hate getting wet!" Ray shouted.

"There's no talking to you like this. John -" Magneto nodded. Pyro released the rope and Ray splashed into the water.

"You know, I think he's right," Bobby said as he peered over the edge.

"It doesn't matter if he's right. It's psychological. He hates being wet, so we'll make him wet. Bring him up John."

Ray was pulled up again, glaring. "I'm so going to give you such a bad electric shock when I get out of here."

"John."

Ray splashed into the water again. After a few moments, Magneto motioned for Pyro to pull him back up.

"Are we ready to talk?"

"What do you want?"

"You asked my daughter out."

"Yeah. So what?"

"Obviously you aren't getting the point. Back you go."

"No, waaiiit…" Ray's cry was cut off by his reentry into the well.

"Isn't the water in wells poisonous or something?"

"Look at my face Bobby. What do you see?"

"A man that doesn't care?"

"Exactly. Perhaps now he's ready to be cooperative."

Ray's head reappeared above the lip of the well. "Please, don't drop me in there any more. I'm going to short out."

"I will be more than happy to let you go, on one condition."

"Fine, I won't go out with Wanda. Just get me out of here."

"Very well," Magneto looked at Pyro silently ordering him to release Ray. However, he turned to see Pyro burning through the rope. The last thread snapped and Ray cried out as he plunged back into the cold, dark water. Magneto rushed to the well only to see it lit up by sparks of electricity crawling along the water's surface.

Straightening himself, Magneto looked to his accomplices. "Right. If anyone asks we were watching the game at my house."

* * *

**Wednesday**

_6:00 pm_

"Fork it over?" Magneto demanded of the person standing in his doorway.

"Fork what over?" Forge replied.

"You want to go out with Wanda, you give me your arm."

"My arm? But then I'll only have one."

"I don't care. I need collateral."

"Collateral? For taking your daughter out?"

"Listen, hippie, the only reason I'm letting you go out with Wanda is because I have several letters from Charles, Hank, and Logan testifying to your character."

"You got letters of recommendation?"

"No hand, no date. Capice?"

Forge glared at Magneto but obliged. He unhooked his hand and handed it over. Magneto grinned victoriously.

"Wanda, your date is here!" Magneto called as he walked away.

Wanda raced down the stairs to pull to a sudden halt. "Where's your hand?"

"Misplaced it," Forge grumbled.

* * *

"Now what does this button do?" Magneto asked no one particular as he poked at the mechanical appendage. There was a whirring sound as the bionic arm produced a can opener.

"That makes 346 buttons that produce a can opener," Bobby said as he made note of this fact.

"What possible use could he have for that many can openers?"

"I wonder what it looks like on the inside."

"That's a good question. John, open the hand."

John grabbed the arm and threw it out the window. Grinning like an idiot, he followed it.

Magneto looked out the window to observe John smashing the limb against the side of the house. "Maybe that was a bad idea."

* * *

"More duct tape," Magneto demanded, stretching out his hand.

"Duct tape," Bobby nodded, planting a roll of the product into the outstretched hand.

"Boss! That hippie wants his hand back."

"Keep him occupied, Sabretooth. I'm not done fixing it yet."

The door burst open as Forge rushed in. "You broke my hand?"

"Technically, Pyro did. I'm fixing it. Look, good as new!" Magneto said, waving the heavily duct taped hand.

"Ah man. It'll take me weeks to fix it."

"It is fixed. Now put it on."

"No."

"Put it on," Magneto growled. Forge sighed, but did as Magneto asked. The bionic arm began to whir loudly and move – seemly of its own accord.

"What the hell?" Forge asked as 346 can openers sprung out of the arm and began to head towards Forge's head. Forge attempted to hold the possessed hand back, but it was stronger than he was. So focused on the battle with the hand; Forge failed to notice that he was approaching the broken window. Which he promptly fell out of. His cry of terror turned into a cry of pain as the bionic hand won out.

"That has to hurt."

* * *

**Thursday**

_3:00 pm_

Magneto looked at his daughter in horror. "What do you mean you have a date tonight?"

"It's pretty self-explanatory."

"When do you find the time to find all these boys?"

"It just happens."

"It doesn't just happen. For god sakes you were on a field trip today! At a museum. Quite possibly the most mind numbing place in the world and you still manage to get asked out? Are you hypnotizing people?"

"No. He was at the museum. He's really into art."

"And he's your age? That's impossible."

"No. He likes art. What's wrong with that?

"No one under the age of seventy willingly visits art museums. No one."

"Speaking from experience?"

"I'll have you know I'm not a day over forty-five."

"Sure Pops. And I'm the Queen of England."

Magneto sighed as he pinched his nose in frustration. "What's this boy's name?"

"Jason."

* * *

_7:30 pm_

Magneto stared at the door, his mind lost in thought. Wanda had just left on her date, but there was something about the boy, something familiar that Magneto couldn't quite put his finger on.

"He was weird," Lance said after Jason left. True, the boy had been very peculiar. He was polite to Magneto – yet his behavior differed greatly from everyone else his age that Magneto had ever met. There was something else troubling Magneto. Something about the boy's eyes. They portrayed a life much older than what seemed possible.

"Boys, what did you think about Jason?"

"Seemed okay to me," Fred replied with a shrug. Todd nodded in agreement.

"He was weird, but given all the people we know, who isn't?" Lance said.

"Well I didn't like him," Pietro declared.

"That's because you were threatened by his looks."

"Threatened? By him? That's not even a fair comparison."

"For him maybe."

"Please, gentlemen, back to the topic at hand," Magneto interjected.

"Boss, I don't like him."

"Why not Pyro?"

"Samantha's scared of him."

"Now you're giving your lighter feelings? Pyro, it's an inanimate object!"

"Shhh. He didn't mean that baby," John said as he stroked the lighter.

"He smelled familiar," Sabretooth added. Magneto looked at the feral mutant.

"What? From where?"

"Somewhere in the good old days. Back when we were the Acolytes. Definitely from back then."

Something clicked in Magneto's mind. He suddenly understood who Jason really was.

"That monkey! How dare he take Wanda out! Pyro, go get Bobby and bring him back here. Mastermind will pay."

* * *

_8:30 pm_

Magneto looked around his office.

Sabretooth was working with Pyro to add several spiky metal appendages to a blocky wooden chair. Bobby stood near the desk, rummaging through the briefcase he had brought with him.

"Are you certain this will work?" Magneto asked.

Bobby didn't even look up. "Of course this will work. It's always worked. Why do you think Logan is addicted to alcohol?"

"Because children drive him to insanity."

"Ok that too."

"No mistakes Bobby."

"I won't make any. Just bring him back, and I'll be ready," Bobby replied with a grin as he shut the case, displaying the cover reading "_Lil' Bastard's Brainwashing Kit."_ **1**

* * *

_9:00 pm_

Magneto watched as Jason walked down the street. He had just dropped Wanda off at the house and was going to back to wherever he hid.

Not that he was going to get there.

Magneto assumed that Jason was maintaining his illusion – just in case anyone from the house was looking. Not that it mattered.

He waited until the house was out of sight, just so he could confront Mastermind without Wanda potentially watching. He then hovered down in front of the unsuspecting mutant.

"Good evening Jason."

The man jumped. His eyes narrowed in concentration – in what Magneto assumed was an attempt to strengthen his illusion.

"I told you before; your illusions don't work on me. Honestly, you should have learned that by now," Magneto said, lightly tapping his helmet.

Jason frowned. "What do you want?"

"What do I want, you miserable little monkey? I want to know why you are taking my daughter out."

"She understands culture. She understands the niceties of life. She understands me."

"Do you think that she would understand you if you appeared to her as the missing link you are?"

"I have other matters to attend to Magneto. So what do you want from me?"

"I want to take you somewhere, Mastermind. But first, I want you to scream."

* * *

_11:00 pm_

"I think it looks good," Magneto remarked.

"When did you get Michelangelo's _David_?" Pietro asked.

"It's not the real thing, but it looks amazing like it."

"Where'd you get it?"

"It's amazing what you can find when you put your mind to it. Right, Bobby?"

"Yup. Just remember to take care of him. He won't move until someone says the magic phrase."

"Believe me; I don't think we have to worry about that."

* * *

**Friday**

_5:00 pm_

"No, you can't go out with a member of the Morlocks."

"Why not?" Wanda demanded.

"They smell."

"Don't you say that we should treat all mutants with respect and dignity?"

"Yes. But Morlocks aren't real people."

"Well, I like Caliban and I'm going out with him tonight."

"Caliban? Couldn't you have picked one that at least tries to act like a person? Not that reptilian, psychotic freak?"

"Listen, he's already having panic attacks about coming over tonight, so be nice."

* * *

_6:00 pm_

"For heaven's sake he's not going to eat you – stop fidgeting!" Magneto snapped.

"Ssssorry, but catsss make me nervous," Caliban hissed.

"He's mostly domesticated."

"M-mostly?"

"Got a problem with it?" Sabretooth growled.

"N-n-noo. No problem."

Silence reigned over the room. Caliban squirmed under the glares of Sabretooth and Magneto. Desperate to end the silence, he tried to start a new line of conversation.

"You have – um – wonderful – uh," Caliban muttered as he frantically looked around the room for something to catch his eye. "wonderful –uh- shoes. Wonderful shoes."

Magneto looked down at his loafers. "They are nice. Quite comfy. I was thinking about getting a new pair of boots though. Made out of something eye catching. Like alligator skin. It just pops out and the texture is…" Magneto trailed off. "I wonder what you would look like as boots. Sabretooth, skin him."

Caliban leapt to his feet with a high pitched scream and wail as he bolted out of the house. Sabretooth turned to follow.

"Don't actually skin him."

"You never let me have any fun."

* * *

**Saturday**

_1:00 pm_

"You did what, Jamie?"

The young boy ran a hand through his hair, trying to figure out how he managed to get in this predicament. "I think I may have asked Wanda out."

"You think? You don't know?"

"Well – I didn't ask her. I think one of my clones did."

"A clone?" Magneto asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well – a duplicate really. I think he was the daring part of my personality."

"Is there any reason you're not in a mental institution?"

"N-no. I'm sane. I produce duplicates. And they take on different aspects of my personality."

"And this "Daring One" asked my daughter out?"

"And she said yes."

"Well, this Daring One must be taught a lesson. Produce him now!" Magneto demanded.

"I can't!" Jamie objected.

"What do you mean you can't?"

"They get produced randomly whenever I get hit."

"Really?"

"Ye…" Jamie was interrupted by Magneto whacking him across the head with a frying pan. Instantly a copy of Jamie split from the original.

"You! Copy! Are you Daring?"

"Nobody ever wants to talk to me. They always ignore me. Always. Nobody likes me."

"Crap. Depressing. We'll have to try this again."

"No, wai…" Jamie's plea was cut off by another whack from the frying pan. Another clone appeared.

"You! Clone! Are you Daring?"

"No, I'm Sugar-High!" Sugar-High bolted off, cackling.

Magneto watched the clone go. "This might be more difficult than I thought."

* * *

_2:30 pm_

Jamie clones were everywhere. Every inch of space was occupied by the loud duplicates. And Magneto's arm was getting tired.

"You know, I just need a little tap to produce one," the original Jamie said as Magneto readied another blow with the frying pan.

"Can't break precedent," he replied. With a loud thud, the frying pan connected with Jamie's head. A new duplicate split off.

"You! Are you Daring?"

"Of course I'm Daring. Let me tell you something. Wanda is smoking."

"Why you little!" Magneto growled as he leapt forward and began strangling the forthright clone.

"What's going on?" Wanda asked as she descended the stairs, clad in a bathing suit.

"Nothing," Magneto replied as he attempted to hide the clone behind his back, while still strangling him.

Wanda raised an eyebrow at her father. "Well, I've got a date at the beach. I'll see you later."

With that said, she walked out the door.

"To the beach!" Magneto declared, unceremoniously dropping the clone to the floor.

* * *

_3:00 pm_

Magneto stood out. Clad in a full body, 1930s magenta swimming suit, he was easy to spot amongst the scantily clad beach goers. Fortunately, he wasn't alone.

Pietro zipped up to his father. "Why am I here? And what are you wearing?"

"I'm looking for your sister. Have you seen her?"

"Yeah, she's over there. With that blonde guy," Pietro pointed. Magneto followed his son's finger.

"Another Summers!"

"He's a Summers? He doesn't seem to have a stick up his…"

"Thank you Pietro. I want you to distract your sister. Get that Summers boy out on his surfboard, alone."

"Why?"

"Don't question, just do it."

Magneto began to shake his arms and legs in an odd manner. Pietro could merely stare at his father.

"Stop standing around and move!"

* * *

The water was colder than Magneto had expected. Sitting in the water just off shore, he watched as his son went up to Wanda and Alex and began a heated conversation. He couldn't hear what was behind said but Alex grabbed his surf board and headed into the water. Magneto grinned.

Ever since the incident with Scott, he had expected Alex to show up sooner or later. Some sort of sibling rivalry, he suspected. And he had prepared. Gripping his hand more tightly around the small device, Magneto waited until Alex was close.

Ducking under the water, Magneto swam towards the surf board, with a little bit of propulsion from his powers. Safely underneath the board, Magneto reached up and firmly planted the device. He continued swimming on as Alex went further out to sea.

As a benefit of having total mastery of the magnetic field of the earth, Magneto had no need for a detonator; he was a walking one. With just a thought, the C-4 device exploded.

* * *

**Sunday**

_7:30 pm_

"Who are you?" Magneto asked the boy standing in his doorway.

"My name is Paul, sir. I'm here to take Wanda out."

"Paul? I don't recognize you. In fact, I've never heard of you. What do you do?"

"Well, I'm a student at Bayville High."

"No, no. I didn't mean your profession. I meant your powers."

"Powers?"

"Yes, your mutant ability."

"Mutant?"

Magneto's eyes narrowed. "You are a mutant, aren't you?"

"No sir."

Magneto cried out in rage and somehow producing a large double-sided axe. Paul realized he had made a terrible mistake and ran. Magneto followed, cursing, and swinging the giant axe over his head.

* * *

**Monday**

_9:00 am_

"So you see, I need your help."

"Sorry, but no."

"Charles, please."

"Erik, no. Besides, why don't you just have Pyro follow her around to make sure no one asks her out?"

"Have Pyro follow her?"

"Or someone you can trust."

"At this point, I can only trust Pyro or Sabretooth and I'm against letting Sabretooth out. He's more of an indoor breed," Magneto sighed. "Pyro it is, I suppose."

"Don't worry Erik. This will work out. I know it."

* * *

**1 –** The Simpsons

Only two chapters left!


	17. Quiet Nights Never Stay Quiet

Thanks to Spiffythefaery for the beta work.

* * *

**Friday**

_9:30 pm_

It was supposed to be a nice quiet evening. The kind of evening where you can just fall back into a chair and curl up with a good book. One that is rare for anyone, but even rarer for someone with as hectic a life as Magneto.

It was supposed to be a nice quiet evening. Things never go the way they're supposed to.

Magneto was sitting in his favorite chair, reading the newspaper. The house was quiet. The boys had gone somewhere – Magneto didn't know where, nor did he care. There was a soft click as the television sparked to life.

Lowering his newspaper, Magneto saw his daughter, dressed in a sweatshirt a size to large and sweatpants, sitting on the couch with the remote in her hands.

"What are you doing here?"

"I live here," Wanda replied without so much as a glance towards her father.

"That's not what I meant and you know it. It's Friday night, shouldn't you be out? Shouldn't you have a date?"

"Not since word got around of what you do to my dates."

Magneto raised the paper to hide his grin. "Alright. I suppose you and I shall have a nice evening at home then."

"I've got friends coming over."

The paper lowered. "What?"

"I'm having a sleepover."

"A sleepover? With whom?"

"A couple of friends. They'll be here soon enough."

"Didn't you think to tell me of this prior to tonight?"

"I thought about it, but I knew you'd blow a gasket so I decided against it."

"Wanda! You can't just invite people over without telling me."

"I just told you."

"I can't put my foot down now!"

"That's why I just told you."

The paper snapped up. "Fine. Have your stupid sleepover. But mark my words, it will end poorly. The last one you went to did."

"That's because you blew up the house."

"For the last time, it was the one armed man!"

* * *

"You can't be serious. I thought you didn't do peppy group events."

Rogue shrugged. "Normally Ah don't. But how could I pass this up?"

"Just what are you implying?"

"Something is going to go wrong and Ah want to see it happen."

"The glass is half empty, huh?"

"When it involves you, the glass is already broken."

* * *

"Are you serious?"

"You aren't allowed in until you sign," Magneto replied, thrusting a stack of papers at Kitty.

"Why do I have to sign a contract to come into your house?"

"Safety precaution."

"Safety precaution? Is there something wrong with your house?"

"My house is in perfect order."

"Did anyone else have to sign?"

"No."

Kitty's eyebrow rose. "Then why do I have to sign a contract?"

"I've seen what your muffins do to walls and I will have no such 'accidents' occurring in my home."

"You aren't going to let me cook? But I brought supplies!"

"I'm not letting you anywhere near the kitchen."

Kitty glared. "Fine. I'll sign your stupid contract."

"And initial here and here."

* * *

Magneto looked up at the congregation of girls standing before him. "You can't possibly be serious."

"Please Mr. Magneto!" the girls chimed in chorus.

"Not in this life time."

"It'll be fun. We promise."

"Under no circumstances will I participate in a makeover."

"Pretty please Dad! We won't bother you for the rest of the night if you agree."

"And end up with pink hair? I think not."

"Come on."

"Look, if you have to torture someone, torture Pyro."

"That's a good idea, where is he?"

"Probably sulking around the backyard, trying to figure out where I hid his lighter."

"That's the third one this week."

"Just go away."

* * *

Magneto walked into the living room, doing his best to ignore Pyro's cries for help. As he entered he saw Sabretooth lying on the floor, trying to peek out the window.

"What are you doing?"

"Shhh! We're being watched."

"What?"

"Yeah, someone's spying on us," Sabretooth hissed.

"Spying on us?"

"Yeah."

"Who would spy on us?"

"No idea."

"Why would someone spy on us?"

"Dunno. I think they may want my teddy bear collection."

"Teddy bear collection?"

"Yeah. I can't let anything happen to my fuzzy wuzzy bears."

"I think it would be in our best interest if I pretended that I didn't hear that."

"What am I going to do about the spies?"

"We laid out a security system last week for heaven's sake! Activate the thousand volt electric wire on the ground, target them with the cannons, and detonate the stink bombs."

* * *

Magneto grinned as he looked at the group of dirty boys standing just outside his front door.

"What did you learn?"

"Not to spy on girls having a slumber party?" Scott offered as he attempted to wipe the dirt off of his clothes.

"That the new security system works?" Lance supplied.

"That you are one mean bastard?" Bobby said.

"Nothing at all!" Pietro declared.

"Are you going to spy on the girls anymore?"

"Of course we are. We'll just have to do it beyond the range of your defenses," Bobby answered.

"I don't think you'll be doing that."

"Oh? What makes you say that?"

"If all of you aren't at the Institute in five minutes, I'm telling the girls you were spying on them."

"You wouldn't!"

"Oh, I would."

* * *

"Um, Mr. Magneto, we kinda have a problem," Kitty said.

"That should be painfully obvious."

"I mean, we did something wrong."

"What did you do?"

"Well, we were just having fun and throwing stuff at each other..."

"What stuff?"

"That's not important. But, I think we may have killed Sabretooth."

"You killed him? How?"

"He got hit by something."

"By what? A navy cruiser?"

"No."

"What did he get hit with?"

"Nothing," Kitty muttered.

"Tell me now, Pryde!"

Kitty muttered inaudibly. Magneto however, heard.

"A muffin! I deliberately told you not to cook! Those things are weapons of mass destruction!"

* * *

Magneto looked up at the fire that was consuming his home.

"Didn't I tell you that your sleepover would end badly?"

"I didn't set the house on fire. Pyro did."

"After you nincompoops insisted on torturing him."

"Kitty was the one who had to clean his pores."

"You all should know better than to aggravate Pyro."

"It, like, was totally not my fault! Rogue wouldn't hold him down."

"You think Ah wanted to get burned?"

"All you had to do was zap him."

"Ah don't want that nut running around in my head."

"If you could cease your bickering for a moment, I would appreciate you doing something to prevent my house from being completely destroyed."

"Why don't you just get Pyro to stop it?"

"I had to render him unconscious to get him out of the house."

"So why don't you do something about it Father?"

"Oh yes. I'll simply try to smother the flames with metal. Honestly, what kind of question is that?"

"I guess we could call Storm."

"It took you this long to think of that?"

* * *

Wanda looked around at the charred remains of her home. "Well, it could have been worse."

Magneto raised an eyebrow. "I'm curious to hear how it could have been."

"We could have not gotten out in time."

"I wouldn't be rid of anything I'd lament losing."

"Dad!"

"Enough Wanda. This entire situation was caused because of you and your lack of control!"

"What do you mean by that?"

"You have no control! Over yourself, over your powers, over your life. You need to get it together or else these mishaps will continue to happen!"

"I had nothing to do with this."

"You had everything to do with this. It was your stupid slumber party that caused this to happen. Do you know what is going to happen now? We'll have to move in with Xavier!"

"What do you care? You're just going to move back to your super secret hideout, like you always do when life gets difficult!"

"I'm not moving anywhere. I'll be where I'm supposed to be - watching over you."

"I never asked you to."

"It's my responsibility. Wanda, I'm your father, whether you like it or not. There will be times when you will hate me and everything I stand for. But I'm always thinking about what is best for you."

"Like driving away any guy that tries to go out with me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh shove it, Dad. You think I'm stupid? You think I didn't realize what you'd been doing?"

"I hoped."

"Well, I noticed. You won't let me live my life."

"Wanda, I'm just trying to protect you."

"From what? Life? You can't protect me from that."

"I know that Wanda. I don't want to see you get hurt," Magneto said as he embraced his daughter.

"I'm not going to get hurt. I can take care of myself. Please, just try to act like a normal parent and not try to kill anyone else who asks me out."

"I can't make that promise."

"Please?"

"I'm sorry Wanda. I'll try to be good but I make no promises. Now go help Pyro grab our things."

* * *

"They burned down your house?"

"Yes."

"And you want to stay here?"

"Yes."

"You won't do anything evil while under my roof?"

"Don't ask for the impossible."

"Fair enough. Welcome aboard."

"Thank you, Charles. Would you make sure that the children get settled?"

"Where are you going?"

"I have much pent up frustration and anger. I need to cause some chaos and disorder."

"Wait a minute… are you saying that causing destruction is therapeutic?"

"Of course. Why else would I indulge in massive chaotic schemes?"

"I thought you were always drunk."

"Very funny. Now if you'll excuse me."

* * *

**Saturday**

_11:00 am_

Xavier was stifling a yawn as Magneto entered the living room.

"Where did you go last night?" Xavier asked.

"I was causing mass chaos in the streets of Bayville."

"Mass chaos? I didn't hear anything explode."

"Charles, explosions are correlated with chaos but not necessary to cause it."

"So what exactly did you do last night?"

"My lips are sealed."

Seeing that Magneto would not discuss the matter any more, Xavier tried to change the subject.

"Are your wards adapting to the Institute?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen any of them this morning. I imagine they'll be fine. Have you seen Sabretooth?"

"Hank went to check on him a few minutes ago. He's still down in the infirmary."

"That muffin did quite a job on him."

Xavier didn't reply. The bald mutant reached over and grabbed a remote control. In the next instant the television sprung to life.

"Life has ground to a halt in Bayville this morning. Apparently there was a series of robberies last night. The only items reported missing from the over one thousand vandalized homes was left shoes. These thefts have driven people indoors and has driven down the expected sales of this holiday weekend to an all time low," the television squawked.

Xavier turned to face Magneto. "You stole everyone's left shoe?" **1**

"You have no proof."

"This might be the most diabolical scheme you've ever had."

"I also reversed all the street signs." **2**

"Not only can no one go anywhere, but they won't know where they are. Genius, old friend, pure genius."

"Thank you Charles. It means so much, coming from you. Now if you'll excuse me…" Magneto trailed off as his eyes turned to the stairwell. Wanda was walking down the stairs, oblivious to her father's presence. However, she was not alone. John was beside her, their fingers intertwined.

Magneto was stunned into complete silence as the two entered the dinning room. Xavier wheeled over to his old friend.

"Erik, don't do anything hasty."

Magneto didn't respond. He clenched his hands into fists and ground his teeth audibly.

"Traitors! This means war!"

* * *

**1 –** Lilo and Stitch

**2 – **Lilo and Stitch


	18. Hunka Burning Love

I know I said that this was going to be the last chapter, but that was before I started writing and realizing how long it was going to be. So this ISNT the last chapter. One more after this.

Atreyu Nukus – Yeah, yeah, yeah. More Pietro. Got it.

Thanks to Spiffythefaery for all the beta work.

* * *

**Saturday**

_12:00 pm_

"Dad, I need money."

"Not now Pietro."

"Dad, I need money!"

"Go away."

"I NEED MONEY!"

"Pietro! I'm busy trying to figure out how to break up your sister and Pyro," Magneto replied from under the mountain of papers he was searching through.

"Wanda is going out with Pyro?"

"So it would seem."

"What are you planning?"

Magneto looked up. "I'll do whatever is necessary. And you are going to help."

"Of course I'll help - for a price."

"Don't you have a familial duty?"

Pietro paused for a moment. "No."

"Bah. Fine. How much?"

"Fifteen hundred."

"Are you crazy?"

"Look, I'm going to get the money from you. You can give it willingly or I can steal it."

"And just what are you going to use the money for?"

"Nothing special."

Magneto glared at his son. "You want fifteen hundred dollars for nothing special? Are you insane?"

"Am I going to have to take the money by force?"

Magneto turned back to the paperwork. "You're lucky I'm exceedingly preoccupied with your sister's social life. Take the money, but don't do anything stupid."

"Hey, it's me."

"That's exactly what I'm talking about."

* * *

_2:00 pm_

"What do you mean you won't help?"

"Sorry. I'm not allowed to participate in any of your plans," Bobby replied with a frown.

"Why not?"

"Professor Xavier said I'm not allowed to engage in your mischief."

"You're actually going to listen to Xavier?"

"You think I actually have a choice? He screwed around with my head to give me a mental inhibition from helping you."

"He did what?"

"He put them in everyone actually."

"He did? Why?"

"Well, I'm guessing one of two things: either he wants Wanda to go out with Pyro or he's been possessed by aliens."

"You must hurt yourself, thinking with that brain."

* * *

"What is the meaning of this?"

"The meaning of what?"

"Don't play games with me, you know exactly what I'm talking about. How dare you prohibit me from using your X-Men in my schemes!"

"Well they are _my_ X-Men."

"So what?"

"Erik, just let them date."

"Blasphemer! Never!"

"Erik, don't you think that you've been a bit unfair Wanda throughout all of this?"

"Of course not. I've done nothing out of the ordinary."

"Don't you think that your normal behavior maybe a problem?"

"Not for me."

Xavier sighed. "Erik, she likes him. What's wrong with that?"

"She liked the last half a dozen. What's the difference?"

"You don't get it, do you? She knew you'd react like this, so she deliberately dated boys in the hopes that when she went out with Pyro, you'd be more lenient."

"How do you know that? Have you been spying on my daughter?"

"I get lonely sometimes."

"Spy on someone else!"

"I spy on everyone Erik. But back to my point, Wanda thought you wouldn't kill Pyro after the previous boys she's gone out with."

"Well, she thought wrong."

"I recommend that you simply leave this alone."

"You may prevent your students from helping me. You can prevent your teachers from helping me. But you can't stop me from interfering with my daughter's social life!"

"If only I could."

* * *

"Ah, Sabretooth, good to see you up and about," Magneto said.

Sabretooth frowned. "You only say that when you need something from me."

"And this time is no exception. Wanda has decided to go out with Pyro. I require your aid."

"No."

Magneto turned to look at the large mutant. "Excuse me?"

"Listen Mags, I just spent the past twenty six hours recovering from a muffin. I'm all for inflicting pain, not enduring it. It's too dangerous around you. I'm out."

"You're leaving? But, where will you go? What will I do?"

"I'm gonna head up north. Don't worry you'll pull through. You always do." With that said Sabretooth turned and left the mansion.

Magneto could merely watch the departing figure of his two time henchman. He had been abandoned. There was no one left to help him.

Determination surged through the Master of Magnetism. Despite the recent turn of events and his lack of allies, he would not give in. He would be victorious, no matter the cost.

Pyro's days were numbered.

* * *

_9:00 pm_

John eyed Magneto warily. The mutant supremacist had dragged him out back, giving no indication of what he wanted. John followed obediently, knowing what topic of conversation was likely to ensue. He figured that Magneto wanted to hold this discussion outside to avoid an audience – and witnesses.

John silently followed Magneto to the point where the features of the mansion became blurred in the darkness. Finally Magneto turned to face the young mutant.

"I believe that you know why we are here Pyro," Magneto began.

"Got an inkling."

"I must confess my surprise at this situation. You were always the most loyal of my Acolytes. I always trusted you. And now you've gone and betrayed me."

"I didn't plan on it."

"Why did you do it?"

"I don't know Boss. It just happened."

Magneto sighed. "Pyro, do not take me for a fool. I am well aware that things like this do not merely happen. Especially not when it involves my daughter. How long has this been happening?"

John shrugged. "A couple of weeks."

"A couple of weeks? You were going out with Wanda for a couple of weeks?"

"Nah. Just had an unspoken thing going on. You know the ones where you look at each other but only for a moment type thing?"

"For once in my life I actually understand you. However, you understand the precarious situation in which I now find myself."

John nodded, deciding that it was wiser to remain silent.

"I can not pretend to enjoy this development. Nor will I idly stand by while this relationship continues. But you have been a good soldier and a somewhat reliable follower. So I am willing to compromise on this matter."

"Compromise? What kind of compromise?"

"This kind," Magneto replied with a wave of his hand. Hundreds of familiar silver objects rose into the air.. The pyrokinetic gasped at the sight.

They were his lighters.

All of them.

Every single one that Magneto had taken from him were floating around him.

"Charlene? Jasmine? Sarah? Yolanda? My girls!" John reached out to caress the lighters, but they hovered out of his reach.

"They can be yours again, Pyro. Isn't that what you've always wanted?" The lighters floated down, gently rubbing against John's fingers.

"Take them Pyro. Grab them. Reclaim what is yours!"

What Magneto hadn't expected was that, John had changed over the years. When he had first moved to Bayville, he would have grabbed the lighters and run. But now, something was different.

"Isn't there a catch?"

"In exchange for the lighters, you will stop dating my daughter."

"You mean Wanda?"

"Your mental powers are quite formidable."

"But…but I like going out with Wanda."

"You like going out with Wanda more than you like your lighters?"

John paused for a moment. Before he could respond, the lighters shuddered and dropped to the ground.

"What's going on?" Wanda growled. John said nothing. Magneto frowned.

"Nothing that concerns you."

It was Wanda's turn to frown. "You're bribing him to break up with me. I think it does concern me."

"This is Pyro's decision. Not yours."

Father and daughter turned to look at the aforementioned mutant. His eyes were focused on the lighters littering the ground around him. Slowly he turned his gaze towards Wanda and smiled.

"Sorry Boss. I ain't giving her up for all the lighters in the world."

Magneto scowled. "Mark my words, this is not over!"

* * *

**Sunday**

_3:00 pm_

Magneto sat in the living room, engrossed with the unfolding argument between Kurt and Todd. The two were incapable of living under the same roof without constantly bickering. In fact, Magneto had noticed that the two boys could not be expected to remain in the same room without some bad blood bubbling to the surface.

Magneto neither knew what this current spat was about nor did he care. He was hoping that it would involve the enormous globe in the corner and someone's head. Unfortunately his entertainment was interrupted by the appearance of his daughter.

"Where is he?" Wanda screeched. Magneto blinked a few times as he looked up.

"I'm sorry. Were you trying to ask me something?"

"Where is he?"

"I am not a telepath. I have no idea to whom you are referring. You are going to have to be more specific if you wish for me to respond."

"Where is John? You know, my boyfriend?"

Magneto shrugged. "The boy has serious mental issues. How can I be expected to know where he's wandered off to?"

"Because you stashed him wherever he is!"

"I resent that unfounded accusation. You have no proof to indicate that I have done anything."

"YOU!" came a shout from the entryway of the mansion. Pyro had entered, his arms twisted around his body, bound with a straightjacket. Over the straightjacket was a bright yellow coat and a fireman's helmet firmly tied to his head.

"Where have you been?" Wanda asked as she began to unbuckle the belts.

"I spent the day tied to a firetruck. Do you know what they use firetrucks for? Do you? They're murderers!"

Wanda glared at her father. "You know how John feels about firefighters. How could you?"

"I was trying to help the boy. They say the best way to cure a fear is to be confronted with it."

"You kidnapped him and then tortured him."

"Kidnap is such a harsh word. And I didn't torture him, the firefighters did."

"Leave John alone," Wanda hissed as she removed the straightjacket. She placed her arm around the now whimpering John and led him off.

Magneto watched them with narrowed eyes.

* * *

_7:00 pm_

"So we are faced with a dilemma, what do we do now?" Magneto asked.

"Dilemma? What dilemma?" Pietro asked as he drummed his fingers on his chair.

"The firefighter torture did nothing. I thought that it would have been such a blow to his psyche that it would have ensured the breakup. Apparently I was wrong."

"So what do we do?"

"Just for once couldn't you have an idea?"

"We could drown him."

"I don't want to kill Pyro."

"Please?"

"No."

"You're no fun."

"But, you've given me an idea."

* * *

_1:00 am_

"Are you sure about this?" Pietro asked as he opened up the crate in Magneto's room.

"Am I ever not?" Magneto returned as lifted the contents of crate with his powers. A dozen fire extinguishers lifted into the air. "You're certain that you can rig up the room without any accidents?"

"I'll have the whole thing set up in about three seconds." Pietro zipped out of the room. Magneto grinned.

His nose was itching. At least he thought that's why he woke up. It was too early in the morning to really be sure. Or coherent. But he was up and he saw that he wasn't alone.

"Good morning Pyro," Magneto grinned.

"Wha – what's going on?"

"Pyro, I've finally reached a satisfactory conclusion to our little problem. If you can't move, you can't possibly go out with my daughter. Therefore I have secured you to your bed. And in order to make sure you don't move, you'll notice that each limb has string tied to it. Each piece of string is tied to a fire extinguisher. All the canisters are rigged together so if one activates the others will as well. So, good day."

Magneto left the room. Pyro looked around the room. Sure enough, the entire room was filled with fire extinguishers – his archenemies. His arms and legs were firmly tied down and string was hanging everywhere.

* * *

His nose was itching – he was sure of it now. It was getting worse by the moment. He had to scratch it, he just had to.

So he scratched.

* * *

_3:30 am_

"Isn't it a bit early to be visiting, Charles?"

"Considering what happened this morning, I think not."

"What are you implying?"

"John is in the infirmary. You forgot what happens when a dozen pressurized canisters simultaneously explode."

"Forgot or choose not to care?"

"Either way Erik, this is completely unacceptable. No more. Do you understand me?"

"I'm afraid I don't follow. No more what?"

"You've caused quite enough trouble. I'm putting my foot down. You will leave John alone."

"You can't put your foot down! You're in a wheelchair!"

"Erik, do not attempt to dilute my message. I will not tolerate this behavior from you any more. You're a grown man and its time you started acting like it."

"Charles, keep your nose out of my business."

Xavier glared at his old friend. "What you do outside this mansion is your business but so long as you are in my home, this matter concerns me."

"Oh, you can't possibly understand the situation."

"I understand Erik. I am not without any sympathy, but I can not allow it to continue. I have a boy downstairs in the medical ward because of your behavior. It will not happen again. Not under my roof."

Magneto leveled a harsh glare at Xavier, who met it head on. The two simply stared for a few moments before Magneto's lips twisted into a grin.

"Alright Charles. I won't harm Pyro while he's under your roof."

"Thank…what does that mean?"

"You said he would be impervious to harm while under your roof. I'm simply agreeing."

"No, you're scheming."

"Charles, let me be clear. No one will stop me from ending this relationship. Not even you."

* * *

Magneto looked around the infirmary. It was quiet, save for the beeping of the machines that were hooked up to Pyro. He was alone – no one would stop him now.

Allowing himself a soft chuckle, Magneto advanced on the sleeping mutant. This game was over – Wanda would be single again.

* * *

_8:43am_

Xavier looked up as Wanda threw open the study's door forcefully.

"Where is he?"

Xavier looked at the girl with confusion. "I beg your pardon?"

"Where's John?"

"We put him in the infirmary last night."

"He's not there now. So where is he?"

Xavier paused at this piece of information. His eyes closed for a moment as he performed a hasty mental scan of the mansion. Someone else was missing.

"Erik, what have you done?"


	19. Love At Last?

Well, here it is. The final chapter. And its been a long time in coming.

Thanks to Spiffythefaery for all the lovely beta work. And for putting up with me – which is no easy feat.

* * *

**Monday**

_9:45 am_

"Where is he?" Wanda demanded.

Charles Xavier rubbed his nose gently. "We both knew that the probability of us finding your father with Cerebro was remote at best."

"I didn't ask for your explanations. I want to know where he's taken John."

"Wanda, if I knew where your father had run off to then I would tell you. At this point at in time, I do not have that knowledge."

"So you're telling me you have no idea where they are?"

Xavier grinned. "On the contrary, I have a very good idea where they are."

Wanda stared. "You just said you didn't know."

"I don't know. But I have an idea."

"Stupid semantics," Wanda muttered under her breath.

* * *

It was dark, pitch black. He couldn't see anything and his head hurt. Really hurt. 

John groaned. He tried to bring his hand up to his head, but found that he was unable to do so.

"What's going on?" John cried out. "Why can't I see anything? I've gone blind! Blind! Oh, cruel Fate – striking me with such a spiteful blow! Why? Why must you torture me?"

"It's just a bag!" The aforementioned object was ripped off and John blinked rapidly to adjust to the harsh light.

"Boss? What's going on?"

"Don't you recall anything from yesterday?"

John rolled his eyes upward – trying to recall the events of the previous day. "I remember a big explosion."

Magneto sighed. "Great. Short term memory loss."

"Why am I tied up to a chair?"

Magneto glanced at the boy irritably. "You really have no idea what's going on? Are you that thick?"

"I resent that. I'm all skin and bones."

Magneto was barely able to resist the urge to smack himself in the head. One must always maintain dignity in front of captives.

But John wasn't making it easy on him.

"These ropes are starting to chafe. Would you mind loosening them for me?"

"What?"

"And I'm hungry. Can we get some food?"

"N-no. I'm not getting you food. You are – stop trying to eat the ropes!" Magneto slapped at John.

"But it hurts!" he whined.

"It's supposed to be uncomfortable. I kidnapped you!"

"You did?"

"Of course! Why else did you think you were tied to a chair?"

John shrugged as best as he could. "Surprise party?"

"You must have been hit harder in that explosion than I thought."

"Oh, oh! I know. We're going camping!"

"We are not going camping! I kidnapped you to prevent you from going out with Wanda!"

"Now, why would you do something like that? That's just mean."

Magneto glared.

"Where am I?"

"Oh come now John, I thought you would have recognized this place," Magneto said with a grandiose wave.

John looked around. He had been strapped into a chair with his arms and legs bound with metal. A large computer and video screen filled the cavernous chamber behind him.

"Ain't this the old hideout at Mount Araose?"

"Most observant. No one will be able to find us here."

"It's a big metal ball in the middle of ski resort. It's not that hard to find."

"Well – of course it was easy for you to find, you already knew where it was."

"Didn't Toad and Kurt find it?"

Magneto shut his mouth, swallowing his retort. "Alright, so it's not as secret as I thought. That is of no consequence. I assure you that no one will find you here."

"Let him go Magneto."

Magneto turned around, his cape flailing in the air. "Oh come on. This is ridiculous."

John looked around Magneto to see the assembled forces of the X-Men.

"Let him go," Scott repeated.

"And if I don't?"

"Then we're taking him out of here."

Magneto crossed his arms definitely. "And just how do you think you'll be able to manage that?"

There was a loud BAMF followed by a stench of sulfur. Magneto whirled around to look at John. Kurt was standing beside the captive and wore a wolfish grin.

"Catch us if you can!" The two boys vanished in a cloud of sulfur. Magneto clenched his teeth in anger. He turned around to face the rest of the X-Men, only to see that the entire team had left, save for Logan. The gruff mutant was biting off the top of a cigar.

"Where did they go?" Magneto demanded.

"They're gonna bring him back to the mansion."

"And they left you to stop me?"

"Stop you? If it weren't for these damn mental blocks I'd be helping you. I'm not dumb enough to jump in that plane with you right behind."

* * *

Magneto frowned as he hovered just above the X-Jet. He had pulled the plane from the air and had – none too gently – set it down on the ground. It had been too easy. 

That's what was bothering him. He knew that if Charles had really anticipated him following after John, the X-Men would have used their accursed plastic helicopter.

There was a plot afoot. Something was amiss.

Reaching out with his powers, he forced the door to the plane open and flew inside. He was not surprised to see that the interior was almost devoid of life. Almost.

Hank McCoy sat in the pilot's seat, facing Magneto.

"That was rather rude of you."

"Where is he?" Magneto growled.

"It's too late. You'll never catch up. He'll be back at the mansion with Wanda by the time you get there."

Magneto narrowed his eyes. "I'm going to catch them. And you're going to tell me where they are."

"And just what makes you think that I'll cooperate?"

Magneto said nothing and produced a small package from his belt. Hank's eyes lit up when he saw what Magneto was holding.

"Twinkies! Give them here," he said, holding out his hand.

"Where are they?"

Hank tried to resist the temptation. It was a brief but fierce battle. He sighed. "Give me the Twinkies and I'll tell you everything you want to know."

Magneto grinned.

* * *

"Logan ain't gonna be happy when he finds out you trashed his bike," Rogue drawled. 

"I am not afraid of a man with metal bones. Now tell me where they took John," Magneto retorted.

"Now why would we tell you that?" Kitty asked with raised eyebrow. Magneto turned to face her.

"Would you like your boyfriend to remain whole? I can modify him if not."

"Modify?"

"Oh yes. Some perforations. Or perhaps I'll simply crush him underneath a piece of heavy machinery."

Kitty whimpered and looked at Rogue.

"He ain't my boyfriend. So what's in it for me?"

Magneto scowled. "I will make sure that a certain Cajun is paid a visit from a shape-shifting assassin that I know."

Rogue thrust her finger out and pointed to the right. "They went that way."

* * *

"They thought you were going to stop me?" 

Bobby chuckled. "That's what I kept telling them."

"Where did they go?"

"That way."

* * *

"This is turning into a perverted scavenger hunt." 

"Perhaps you should just give up on trying to find out where John is," Jean said.

"Perhaps you should stop being such a…"

"Please do not finish dat sentence," Piotr pleaded.

Magneto glared at the two. "I'm going to make this simple. Tell me where John is. Or else."

"Or else what?"

"Or else something bad will happen."

"Like what?"

"I can see you've been around John recently." Magneto waved his hand as a car headed straight towards Piotr. He transformed effortlessly into his steel form as the car harmlessly collided into him.

The giant shrugged. "Is dat all you can do?"

"No." Magneto flicked his wrist and Piotr was hurled into the air and out of sight.

"Now, Jean, where is John?"

The redhead shook her head. "I can't tell you that."

Magneto sighed sadly. "Jean, Jean, Jean. I don't think you understand. Do you have any idea just how miserable I can make your life?"

"Miserable?"

"Oh yes. For instance, I could dye your hair. Give you a nose job. Set you up with Fred. I don't know. I haven't had anytime to plan it. Would you like me to?"

"Don't touch my hair."

"Then tell me where he is!"

Jean lifted a finger and pointed.

* * *

Magneto surveyed the scene before him. He had been hot on John's tail when he was suddenly confronted by about twenty robed figures. 

These shadowy shapes had emerged from nowhere – materializing before his very eyes. They were swathed from head to toe in long black robes, their faces obscured by hoods. They had Magneto completely surrounded before one of them spoke.

"Halt Magneto! You go no farther."

Magneto's eyebrow rose. "Who is going to stop me?"

"We will," the reply sounded from all of the hooded figures.

Magneto snorted. "And who are you?'

"We are FAPWAM!"

"FAPWAM? Why does that sound familiar? Do I owe you money?"

"No! But you should know us, for we have all had dealings with you!"

The hoods were thrown off to reveal the faces underneath. Magneto should have recoiled in shock, not from the interesting tableau in front of him, but from the fact that Bobby had been right.

Staring at Magneto were the faces of all of Wanda's exes.

"I guess I owe Bobby a coke."

"Your reign of terror ends here Magneto," Scott said through clenched teeth.

"Reign of terror? I think you're exaggerating."

"Nah, yo. You tried to kill several of us off. We barely survived," Todd spat. Magneto waved the comment away.

"If I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead."

"Ya threw a car at me, ya old coot," Lucas glared.

"Me too," Roberto chimed in.

"I got tarred and feathered."

"You blew up my surfboard!"

"So you got hurt. Love can do that to a person."

"It wasn't love, it was you!"

Magneto waved this comment away and attempted to change the topic. "Weren't you called FABAM before? Why the name change? I mean, FAPWAM just sounds stupid – not that FABAM is much better."

"Political correctness," Scott said between clenched teeth.

"So what, it stands for Former Abused Partners of Wanda Against Magneto?"

"Actually, yeah. It does."

Magneto turned to look through the crowd. "It's her fault isn't it?"

"Watch it, old man!" Tabitha snapped.

"Frankly Tabitha, I'm surprised that you bothered to mingle with these buffoons."

"Yeah? Why's that?"

"Wanda always said how you were better than these idiots."

"Well, its true."

"'Ey! Wanda always said I was the best of this lot!"

"I'm the best!" several said at once.

The bickering began to grow louder by the moment. Magneto wasn't sure who was responsible, but something exploded – more explosions followed. Screams and curses followed along with, of course, more explosions.

Magneto lifted himself into the air, above the tumult, with a grin. He hovered above the chaos for a moment.

"Idiots."

* * *

The iron gates groaned in protest as they were twisted out of shape and bent over backward to allow the passage of the Master of Magnetism. Cape flapping around him, Magneto lowered himself to the ground – paying no attention to the wreckage he had just caused. Instead his focus was riveted upon the only person who had seen his entrance – Charles Xavier. 

Magneto gently landed in front of his old friend. "Where is he?"

Xavier grinned. "Oh, John is quite safe."

"You put him in that damn Danger Room of yours."

"How did you know that?"

"Every time something goes wrong you head down to that place. Now out of my way."

"What did you do to my X-Men?"

"I didn't touch them."

"Then what were all those explosions I heard?"

"I didn't cause a single explosion. Even though I _really_ wanted to. Now out of my way!"

"Erik, I can not let you pass."

"You're going to stop me? Ha."

"I am the final guardian – the last person between you and John."

"I'm sorry Charles, but I don't play Dungeons and Dragons."

Xavier mumbled in anger for a few moments. "You shall not pass!"

"Alright, this has gone on long enough," Magneto said with a point of his finger. The wheelchair began to roll forward of its own accord.

"Hey! Stop that! Erik – stop it! Come on! Please! This isn't fair!"

* * *

"My head hurts," John moaned. 

"Ah, poor baby," Wanda replied as she kissed his forehead. "Feel better?"

"I think so. I can't seem to stand straight."

"That's not you – the floor is shaking."

"Did Lance find out that I photocopied his love letters to Kitty and sold them on E-Bay?"

"I don't think that Lance is doing this," Wanda replied with a frown. She clenched her fists.

The door to the Danger Room burst open and Magneto stalked in. Some metal shrapnel shot into the air and twisted around Wanda's hands.

"What are you doing?" Wanda screeched.

"Stay out of this," Magneto replied with a cold tone that left no doubt that he would not tolerate an argument. Wanda, however, had the same stubborn streak. Another piece of debris wrapped around her mouth to prevent her from saying anything else. As John watched Magneto hunched over his daughter, something snapped inside him.

"You will stay quiet," Magneto hissed at his daughter. He rose to his full height and turned to face John.

"As for you…"

John was waiting for Magneto, a scowl on his face.

"You know what Mags – you're a real jackass."

John threw a punch. His fist connected with Magneto's face and the blow knocked the older man backwards. He stumbled on his cape and fell to the floor.

Magneto was lying on the floor, stunned. His hand caressed his cheek, which was red from the impact. John stood over him, his eyes ablaze with anger, his teeth clenched, and his fists balled up.

"Come on. Get up!"

"You'd really fight me for her?"

"Always."

Magneto, never once looking away from John, slowly rose to his feet. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but shut it quickly. Turning on his heel, he strode out of the Danger Room, releasing Wanda's shackles.

"What's going on?" Wanda asked. John shook his head.

"Don't know."

* * *

**Tuesday**

_7:00 pm_

"Dad, what's going on?" Wanda asked.

It had been a day since the confrontation in the Danger Room – a day since anyone had last seen Magneto. He had turned up a few moments ago, demanding to see his daughter and John.

Magneto looked at Wanda. Although his left cheek had swollen up and he had a black eye, he still managed to look regal. His visible eye sparked with pride as he looked at her. He turned to look at John, who took a step back at the glance. Then to John's surprise, Magneto thrust out his hand. John peered at the hand suspiciously for a moment before shaking it.

"John, I realize that I was a bit – uh – harsh with you. But I was wrong. I'm not happy about Wanda dating, but if has to happen – then I'm glad it's you."

"Thanks Mags. I love you too."

"Say that again and I might just have to rip your tongue out."

"Okeedokee."

Magneto rolled his eyes and looked to his daughter. "Take care of yourself Wanda. And him," Magneto said, nodding his head in John's direction. "And your brother when he turns up."

"Where are you going?"

"I need a vacation. It's been far too stressful these last few months." Magneto placed his helmet on his head. "I'll be back. Don't worry."

Magneto turned around to see Pietro standing in the doorway with his arm around a striking blonde.

"Dad! Wanda! You're both here! Great!"

"Pietro, what's going on?"

"I wanted to tell you the good news. I'm just so happy."

"What good news?"

"Wanda, Dad – this is Crystal Amaquelin. Crystal, my twin Wanda and my father Magneto."

"My name is Erik. Excuse me Crystal – Pietro, what the hell is going on?"

Pietro's fingers were interlocked with Crystal – and the girl was wearing a very gaudy, very brilliant, and very large ring on her finger.

"Here it is: Dad – Crystal and I are getting married!"

"WHAT!"


End file.
